


Love and Fall

by flowerypath131



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Confused Bobby, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mature Chanu and Junhoe, Slow Burn, fanfic in a fanfic, mother hen Jinhwan and Yunhyeong, ot7 for the win, will add more as i update - Freeform, workaholic B.I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-10-24 18:03:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 68,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20710259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerypath131/pseuds/flowerypath131
Summary: Jiwon indulges fans with reading some of their fanfictions for added inspiration in writing for his upcoming album and created a ripple of events that'll lead to a lot of confusion, awkwardness, and worry among the boys. But Hanbin won't have it and makes Jiwon spill. The future becomes undecided for the boys, especially Double B.





	1. Indulging Fans Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> The videos mentioned does exist although the fanfics are sadly made up by moi. I do know some good Double B smut FFs but I haven’t asked the author’s permission so until then I won’t outright mention it in the story. Some really good ones are found on my bookmarks though.
> 
> This is gonna be set just before Bobby’s solo debut or during its preparation. I’m not really sure about the events leading up to it, to be honest, so I’m just winging this (please have pity on me). I don’t know yet if I’m gonna add ships for the rest of the members or to even go on with prolonging or shortening this, but for now, Double B. Like, hit me up on twt or something (or don’t) @flowerypath_131

_ **June, 2017** _

So, maybe Jiwon should stop indulging his fans’ requests. More often than not, he’d come across fans telling him about fanfictions that were up online. Curiosity got the best of him as he fiddled with his phone.

A fan account had posted on Instagram about a fan-made video about him and Hanbin captioned as _‘Best Double B trailer/FMV ever’_. He knew how their fans always shipped them with any member but Jiwon never really saw videos of it which is probably for the best so as not to add another awkward couple in the group.

But one glance at his unfinished work with the lack of inspiration, he decided that: _why the hell not._ This could turn out great if he saw some of the fans’ perspective on their afore-mentioned ‘ships’. And so, Jiwon clicked the link provided below for the full video.

Jiwon settled in better as the video began playing. Okay, so, so far so good. The song was familiar to him, it was “Happier” by Ed Sheeran. And, oh, wow. As the seconds went by, the video looked too real to Jiwon. It was of him and Hanbin, like they broke up or something, seeming happier with other people yet looked jealous when they saw each other with different people. Finishing the video made Jiwon feel bad even when he knew none of it was actually real—on how the video implied that they had a relationship. But still.

The feel of the video was great though so he decided he’d watch another one. It was ‘Pillowtalk’ by ZAYN, he wasn’t familiar to it so he didn’t really deem it as something as dramatic as the first one.

But, boy was he so wrong.

The video started with a concert they had where Jiwon was trying to show Hanbin’s abs and checking him out, the song was starting to get racy and Jiwon’s eyes _bulged_ when he took in the song’s lyrics. Jiwon checked the video’s description and saw that it was a trailer for a fanfiction. Without much thought, Jiwon clicked the link and it showed a site. It was a short story with tags that had him gagging and sweating in his seat.

_ **Tags: Kim Jiwon/Bobby, Kim Hanbin/B.I, Oneshot, Smut, slight BDSM, consensual-non-consensual, slut-shaming, sex toys, read trigger warning** _

_ **Author’s Note:** _

_ **Trigger Warning: Some scenes could trigger discomfort to some as there will be full inclusion of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism). Sex toys, and various sexual equipments will be mentioned and used by the characters. If you’re not into rough sex scenes then don’t proceed on reading this.** _

Jiwon almost fell from his seat at what he was reading. _What the hell are the fans up to?_ was all that kept running in his mind. It was _four thousand words_ and Jiwon didn’t know what urged him to read through it not knowing he’d regret it for a long time.

In a zombie state-of-mind, Jiwon padded to their apartment’s kitchen for some water because he felt dehydrated as hell with what he’s been up to since abandoning his work for phone. Coming home, however, was the worst idea.

Jiwon jumped, almost squealing, at having realized that someone was in the kitchen already, which was the last thing he expected as it was currently three in the morning.

“Ji-hyung?” asked Hanbin in the most hushed tone he could manage.

_ Oh._ Maybe he shouldn’t really be surprised if the guy was awake at this hour considering he’d work both at his studio and at home.

“Bin?” Jiwon asked even when he knew that it was Hanbin. Although, he had wished he was hallucinating. The last thing he wanted was to see the guys, _especially_ Hanbin, after going through what he had in the studio.

“D’you just come back from the studio?” the younger asked as he rubbed his eyes, fighting drowsiness. He looked to fucking soft for his own good.

Jiwon gulped and said, “Y-Yeah. Why are you still up?” Jiwon inwardly cursed himself for stammering.

Hanbin grinned lopsidedly. “Finished writing a song just now. Got stuck and frustrated for a while but when I came home and spent some time with the guys, it helped me unwind and finally worked it out.”

Jiwon hummed, feeling a little awkward and fazed as he kept remembering the fanfictions that kept popping in his head while talking with the other.

Hanbin easily sensed his hyung’s discomfort when he hadn’t reacted his usual crack-headed self, all bouncy and sunshine even when he’s sleepy which led him to approach the other but Jiwon had jumped at his sudden movement.

“Hyung, is something wrong?” Hanbin asked, frowning a little at Jiwon’s withdrawal at his approach.

Jiwon cleared his throat but his voice still sounded croaky when he replied, “Yeah, ‘course. Just a little exhausted. I-I’ll turn in, now. You should, too.” He couldn’t even meet Hanbin’s eyes as he said all this while snatching a bottled water from the fridge before scurrying off.

_ Fuck_.

He was so fucked. Jiwon had played that in the most ridiculous way possible. But, really, who could blame him? Even in the dim light, with the younger rapper in sweats and some worn out muscle tee with mussed hair, (probably a result from tugging on his hair absent-mindedly while working on the song but Jiwon just had to imagine another way to muss the younger’s hair—but let’s not go there) and heavy-lidded eyes with the _softest_ lips he’d never really appreciated as much as he did now.

Jiwon gulped at his own train of thoughts. He hastily opened the water bottle and _chugged_ it down, desperate to add some moisture to his drying mouth and throat.

The stories and videos were fucking with his head and he just let it get to him and to put the cherry on the fucking top, he reacted awkwardly to Hanbin which could lead to a lot of possibilities because he knew how sensitive the younger could be. Then, Bin would berate Yunhyeong about it, and then Yunhyeong would grill him for it.

Wow, even just the thought of it all made him feel so fucking drained and dreaded waking up.

Jiwon really loved his fans but right now he just wants to choke them. With love. But still choke them.

When morning came, Jiwon didn’t even get a wink of sleep. Still too traumatised with the events of yesterday.

_ Am I overreacting? Does the members know those stuff exists? Are iKONICs normal?_

Jiwon was more used to the fans roasting and making fun of them and their little antics but those fanfictions were just so far from his expectations. He wasn’t mad, merely weirded out. Some even contained not just their sexual endeavours, but some crossovers with other groups—mostly WINNER and BIG BANG. And now, Jiwon didn’t know how to look at them in the eyes.

Realizing there’d be no point in staring at his ceiling, Jiwon got up from his bed and looked over his bedside clock. _6:37 A.M_. Great. He’d been staring at his ceiling aimlessly for more or less than three hours.

Jiwon took a quick shower, got dressed, tucked his Winnie the Pooh in bed, took his wallet and keys, and put on his hat mechanically, as if on auto-pilot.

When he got out of their apartment the members were still sleeping and he just decided to leave a note on the counter that he left early. The last thing Jiwon wants was to get near his phone right now but knowing Yunhyeong and Jinhwan, they’d probably panic and overthink like a pair of mother hens.

Jiwon “worked” the entire day, work being consisted of him tweaking some of his songs’ melody backbone that didn’t really need altercations, stuffing his face with junk food, and coming up with lyrics that made no sense whatsoever.

He glanced at his phone. _Nope. Nuh-uh. Never again._

Closing his eyes, Jiwon cursed himself for the umpteenth time this day and reached for his phone. Opening for the first time today, there were a fair amount of notification from his SNS as well as their group chat. Jiwon ignored all of it and went to the site where he’d read the smut he didn’t dare finish last night.

It was of Yunhyeong and Chanwoo. See how he didn’t finish it? But it was all too realistic. It was a story of the both of them as iKON members, mentions of the rest of the members, and some events taken after some fancams and sweet photos.

Jiwon was concentrating on not gagging and reading that the knock that reverberated across the room like it was some cave nearly caused him his first heart attack.

“Yah! Kimbap! Are you dead?” asked by who could only be Yunhyeong.

Of course. It just _had_ to Yun-hyung.

Jiwon stood from his seat and opened the door.

_ Oh crap._ Of course Yunhyeong just _had to be with Chanwoo_. Jiwon felt his head going haywire at the sight of the two standing outside.

“You look like shit.” Yunhyeong grumbled at the sight of the rapper with his hair all mussed-up, lips chapped from no doubt dehydration, and his clothes all but dishevelled from being restless.

“Well, I feel like shit.” Jiwon drawled back, attempting to hide his inward embarrassment with aggressiveness.

The elder’s eyes softened. “Come on, let’s go home. We stopped by after grabbing some ingredients I needed for tonight.”Jiwon stared blankly at him and then glancing at the plastic bags hanging on Chanwoo’s arms while playing with his phone. ”Uh, tonight?”

Yunhyeong rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I knew you’d forget. I ought to grab you by the ear and bump your head with Hanbin. Yes, idiot, tonight. Family movie night. Remember now?”

Family night. Right. He loved spending time with the boys and was really excited for tonight but after last night he would jump and run at the thought of the members coming near him. That had been proven this morning with Hanbin and now, the Twin Monsters nearly made him curl up and hide.

“Oh, yeah. Must’ve slipped my mind. Sorry, hyung.”

Yunhyeong smiled and patted his shoulder. “It’s okay. Go get your stuff and pack up, we’re leaving. We have to stop by Hanbin’s studio, too.”

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. No. _Jiwon can’t be in the same space with Hanbin again. He still felt he ought to feel ashamed at reading stories about them and then fantasizing about them. In his bed. After meeting with the guy in the kitchen, no less.

“Why don’t you go ahead and pick up Hanbin and get home first. I’ll follow shortly. I just need to run some things through with Tablo-hyung.” Jiwon lied. He really hated lying but he was desperate.

Yunhyeong studied him for a second but slowly nodded. “Okay. Don’t take too long, okay?”

“Yes, hyung, I won’t.” Jiwon put on the best smile he could muster as he waved at the two making their way to Hanbin’s studio, and Jiwon finally breathed properly.

When Jiwon got home it was already seven and everyone except for him have already gathered at the upstairs apartment. He dropped his bag down his bed, changed his clothes with pyjamas, and took Pooh to bring him along upstairs since they’d probably crash there.

Everyone looked up and made some random noise of acknowledgement when he arrived. Everyone but Hanbin. Great. Now his leader is sulking.

Yunhyeong was manning the kitchen, assisted by Junhoe, who was preparing the pizzas and fries for later after dinner (Yun _hates_ it when they skip a proper meal), and Chanwoo preparing the plates and glasses.

Hanbin, Donghyuk, and Jinhwan were lounging about in the couch with Dong and Nani arguing about what to watch. Jinhwan sat on a single couch, Dong in the left most part of the couch curling into Hanbin who was in the middle. Jiwon immediately sat down beside Hanbin to appease the guy’s sulking.

“Hey,” Jiwon softly said amidst Dong and Nani’s banter.

Hanbin had merely hummed in response and Jiwon sighed at his passive reaction. But he knew how to really make the guy soft and putty. So he took a throw pillow and placed it on Hanbin’s thighs before he laid down.

Jiwon poked the slightly pouting leader who won’t even look down at him.

“Hanbinnie. Uri Hanbinnieee,” Jiwon whined and finally saw Hanbin almost slipping into a smile but held it in so he poked and tickled him more. “Binnieee,”

“Okay, okay. Cut it off.” Hanbin gave in and smiled, letting his arms and guard down, then finally looked at Jiwon.

“Finished sulking now?”

“Depends.” Hanbin replied, raising an eyebrow.

“On what?”

“If you tell me what was bothering you this morning when we were at the kitchen.”

“Oh.”

“Oh is right Kim Jiwon. Fess up.” Hanbin had crossed his arms again and leaned down to peer at him. Donghyuk grumbling a little at the sudden loss of his man pillow.

Jiwon suddenly froze as he realized that their faces were too close to one another. Hanbin’s chocolate eyes were so alluring with his lips protruding a little as if stressing on something as he grilled Jiwon to answer. But it only served to make Jiwon tense.

“There you go again. Spacing out and going rigid.” Hanbin looked worried and Jiwon hated when the former would worry about something because he knew how the guy would overthink.

“No, it’s nothing. Something’s just been messing up my head since yesterday and it won’t go away.” He vaguely explained, praying to any god that it would be enough of an explanation for the guy to let him off the hook. _I was binge reading our fans’ fantasies about us, _didn’t really sound great.

But Hanbin was having none of it, his frown deepening and his worried eyes looking frantic. “Won’t you tell what it is exactly? I could help you or something.”

It would’ve been easy to dismiss the guy’s intervention with nonchalance and relaxed charm but with Hanbin so close in his space looking like a soft puppy—Jiwon couldn’t think straight. Scenarios from fanfictions were bombarding his head and those lips were looking too enticing by the nanosecond.

_ What? No. What the actual fuck?_

Before Jiwon could say anything, Hanbin had already withdrawn and returned to leaning on the couch. His hand carding Jiwon’s hair soflty and absent-mindedly that it had immediately made Jiwon melt and relax.

“You don’t have to. It’s just that I can’t help but worry. You can tell me when you think you’re comfortable enough to do so,” said Hanbin who tried to look understanding when the underlying disappointment and hurt in his voice was there.

Oh, my freaking God, this was turning so dramatic and it’s making Jiwon guiltier.

And again, before Jiwon could say anything, he was oh so rudely interrupted by Yun-hyung smacking him so he’d sit upright and eat properly. The food was apparently ready and shouldn’t be kept waiting.

“Okay, morons. Dig in!” Yunhyeong signalled and everybody chowed down like a pack of hyenas.

After finishing their food and cleaning up, the movie night began with something Jiwon really couldn’t care less. Well, not at the moment, at least. Hanbin curled up against him, his Pooh bear somehow ended up in his embrace, with his left leg crossed from his tucked right foot across Jiwon’s own legs.

Okay, this was okay. He was okay. Or so he tried to convince himself. He didn’t wanna jump again at Hanbin’s advances because it’s supposed to be something he’s used to and suddenly freaking out would hurt the younger and make him question himself which could lead to another episode of a panic attack. _That_ was how sensitive Hanbin was outside work, especially with the members.

“Hyung,” Hanbin softly whispered against his neck making the hairs at Jiwon’s nape come to life.

Jiwon hummed in response because he couldn’t quite find his voice just yet. Suddenly, Hanbin moved a little to peer up at him with his face suddenly seeming so close again. His heart was gonna beat right off his chest and he wouldn’t even blame it. Hanbin looked so soft and cheeky when he’s randomly seeking attention.

And then it was like a sudden ray of sunshine as the younger grinned with his eyes slightly more closed than the other and the dip of his dimple becoming prominent. “Nothing,” Jiwon would’ve expired at the spot but Hanbin had moved again and this time almost lying half of his body on top of him making Jiwon his makeshift mattress.

Jiwon averted his gaze and tried to look for a distraction. The movie hadn’t helped because he really couldn’t care less what was happening, so his eyes fell on his members.

It was the worst decision. Ever.

Jinhwan was draped atop Junhoe on the single chair looking seriously at the movie but subconsciously being wrapped around each other. Yunhyeong was squished in the middle of Donghyuk and Chanwoo, his back pressed against the maknae’s chest who was back-hugging him while fiddling with the dancer’s hair as the former clutched onto a pillow.

It was straight out of a fan fiction and he was panicking. Gay panic. _Oh shit. Not good._

“Hyung, stop moving, you’re making me dizzy.”

Jiwon snapped his attention back at Hanbin who had moved once again and was almost sitting on his lap entirely, to probably stop him from moving. But still…

The room felt hot and stuffy for Jiwon now, cold beads of sweat running down his spine, his lips and hands trembling a little. He could feel Hanbin’s body more than he should’ve noticed as they’ve done this millions of times before, but he couldn’t exactly deny that something felt new, foreign, exciting, yet scary. The occasional brush of Hanbin’s hair against his neck, the sight of it turned to the side to expose more skin, his tattoo peeking out of his shirt, his finger fiddling both with Pooh and Jiwon’s fingers.

_ God. What was wrong with him? Why is he letting those stories get to him? Why was the idea of the guys having relationships made him really suspicious of the members now? Why was he suddenly feeling hot all over when Hanbin was near? Why, why, whyyyy?_

Jiwon struggled to control himself and think of things to distract him. He could’ve done it. Almost did, really. But the universe seemed to really just wanna fuck him over. And how so? The movie started becoming racy and sensual as there was a sex scene unfolding. _What the actual fuck._

Hanbin shifted and Jiwon jolted in surprise.

The sight of a couple getting it on in front of him, with the guy his fans was fantasizing over with sex scenes on fanfictions with him, was really not helping with the calming down situation.

So Jiwon being Jiwon panicked and thought, _Fuck it, I’m gonna run._

Hanbin almost jumped when he felt Jiwon separating them carefully to stand up and looking mortified as hell.

“G-Guys, I forgot I was supposed to finish something for Tablo-hyung,” Well, that was fucking lame, “Sorry for ruining family movie night I promise to make it up to you guys next time. Byieeee,” And then Jiwon flee with his members just watching him stupefied and confused.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Junhoe voiced without meaning for it to be as loud as it did, but then again it was Junhoe.

Yunhyeong creased his eyebrows in worry and Jinhwan cast him a look almost pleadingly as if looking for answers the man held no answer to. “He said that this afternoon when we went to get him in his studio right before we went to Hanbin’s. Did he just lie or…”

“Why do you think he’d do that? One second we were blissfully watching television and the next he’s suddenly up and running.” Donghyuk chimed in.

“Maybe he hadn’t finished what he did earlier and needed to tend to it now.” Chanwoo said to try and comfort his hyungs who are, to say the least, fretting worriedly.

Amongst all the commotion, though, Hanbin was left to gather his thoughts going rampant. _Did he do something? We were just watching and laying about like usual._

“We’re probably overthinking this.” Junhoe winced as his hyungs pierced him with a glare for implying that they were in fact overthinking.

“Hyung…” Hanbin called out from the couch, wearily slouching, “He told me earlier that something was bothering him since yesterday and that was why he was always spacing out and being jumpy.”

Yunhyeong has gotten up and started pacing in their living room and Jinhwan didn’t know what to do to calm Yun when he couldn’t even begin to quarry his own thoughts.

“Okay,” Yunhyeong started with a hand going over his hair, “are you guys positive you haven’t done anything remotely… disturbing?” So maybe that wasn’t the best word to use but his brain has scattered and was already malfunctioning as his mother hen instincts shot up.

Each one of them shook their heads after some thought and genuinely looked as flustered as him.

“Alright, I’m not having any of this. I’m gonna go fetch him while you guys behave,” says Yunhyeong determinedly, already putting on his jacket and grabbing a face mask.

“I’m coming with you,” Jinhwan immediately stood up from Junhoe’s lap.

“Me too,” Hanbin squeaked at them but was immediately stopped by Yunhyeong.

“No, Bin. You should stay and look after the idiots here.” Hanbin immediately deflated at Yunhyeong’s words while the said idiots were about to indignantly say something but decided against it.

“Okay,” he said, looking defeated. “Just call me if something happens.”

“Will do, leader-nim.” Yun said right before he walked out of the apartment with Jinhwan trailing behind him.

Jinhwan cast Hanbin a comforting look right before he himself stepped out and Hanbin knew he’d make it work out and get Jiwon home to them.

These were the times that Hanbin felt really relieved and immensely grateful for having them as his members. How they’d immediately solve any misunderstanding or fights, big deal or not. How they’d overreact as they did when any member seemed uncomfortable, bothered, sick, or lonely. How they weren’t just a group of idols making and promoting songs, but actual pseudo brothers.


	2. Panicked Gay Jiwon

The one thing that keeps popping up in Jiwon’s head in between thoughts of fan fictions, the members, and Hanbin, was that _Yun and Jinhwan will absolutely kill him._ Jiwon have been avoiding them since the other day, the night of the family movie night, just because he couldn’t trust himself around them, too afraid of how he’ll react.

What’s more is that even he himself thinks that this has stretched to being treated like a bigger deal than it actually should be. If only Hanbin hadn’t looked so fucking fluffy and delectable maybe he would’ve brushed it off and deemed it ridiculous.

_ But, no. Hanbin just _had_ to make things worse by seeming so pliant and soft and oh so fucking fuckable. _Well, isn’t that just fan-fucking-tastic.

Jiwon snapped out of it and went back to writing his lyrics. And it was like words were coming to him rapid fire with all of his thoughts about irresistible boys, heavenly bodies, and clips of some sexual tension he never knew transpired between them.

_Love’s my religion but he was my faith_

_Something so sacred so hard to explain_

_Fallin for him was like fallin from grace_

_All wrapped in one he was so many sins_

_Would have done anything and everything for him_

_And if you ask me I would do it again_

_No need to imagine_

_‘Cause I know it’s true_

_They say, “All good boys go to heaven_

_But bad boys bring heaven to you”_

_It’s automatic_

_It’s just what they do_

_They say “all good boys go to heaven_

_But bad boys bring heaven to you”_

Jiwon sat back and re-read his lyrics and after some contemplation he heaved a deep sigh and frustratingly let his notebook fall from his hands so he could pull it with a restrained groan.

_ What the hell is wrong with you, Jiwon? Did you really just write a fucking sex song about your bestfriend?_

Well, he guessed he just did and he did it with startling ease. Jiwon knew he’ll only tear it apart, never allowing it to see the light of day because he’d rather burn in hell than having someone read those lyrics.

Thoughts of Hanbin still bombarded his thoughts even through lack of sleep, food, or any form of rest as he closed his eyes. _Hanbin fluttering his eyes closed, Hanbin parting his lips, Hanbin all hot and sticky, Hanbin breathing raggedly even at Jiwon’s lightest touch, Hanbi—_

“Jiwon?”

_ ”Holy Mother of—!“ _Jiwon suddenly leapt from his chair and stood in fighting stance.

“Jesus, _relax_, Jiwon! It’s just me.” Yunhyeong said from the door he was peeking his head in.

“Oh, hyung.”

“Can… Uh, can I come in?” Yunhyeong looked like he was afraid of crossing some invisible line and Jiwon hated that he was the one who unintentionally drew that between himself and his members.

Jiwon gulped and cleared his throat before saying, “Sure, hyung. What’s good?”

The elder entered the studio noting how clothes were scattered here and there, empty delivery food containers were littering the entire studio, bottles of soju and beer were toppled amongst each other in many corners—he could only sigh.

“Honestly, nothing’s good, Jiwon.” Yunhyeong said looking like he was reigning in his pent up emotions to try and have a sensible conversation, but Jiwon being Jiwon was being shitty again.

“W-Why?” Jiwon asked in the quietest voice he had ever produced through his own mouth, so uncertain of Yunhyeong’s actions and words.

“Want the full list?”

“N-No—“

“No, I take it back. You _are_ getting the full list because it’s what you deserve,” Yunhyeong had suddenly cut Jiwon’s sentence off and without much preamble, he continued, “One, you’re acting really strange being all shady and mysterious. Two, you haven’t had a proper meal and I know it because I grilled Jaeho-hyung in telling me what you’ve been up to. Three, Bin is sad, mopey, and bitchy because he’s anxious that maybe he had something to do with you ghosting out on all of us. Four, Jinhwan is worried sick about you and as a result he’s been fussing all over the other members too much trying to make up for not being a helpful hyung to you. And five, I’m _fucking_ worried about you too so you better finish this entire meal or all hell will break loose!”

To say that Yunhyeong was mad is an understatement. Song Yunhyeong was fuming and outraged. The apples of his cheeks were burning red, as well as the tips of his ears where Jiwon can imagine smoke coming out.

Jiwon could only flinch as Yunhyeong pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to relax after his outburst. Now, Jiwon feels guilty more than ever. It was getting too out of hand and becoming treated more than it should be. Because, really, even he himself thinks he is overreacting. But Jiwon just really couldn’t help but feel really awkward.

Yunhyeong silently set down the food on the floor to momentarily clean the table where he’d set up everything and Jiwon fidgeted awkwardly—not to the surprise of everyone—in his seat, keeping his head low and hands clasped together.

“I am not gonna speak to you and continue to glare at you until you clean off every morsel in every container—sidedishes, rice, soup, chicken, and that entire litre of water. Understand?”

Jiwon winced at Yunhyeong towering over him, feeling like a petulant child being scolded for not sleeping this afternoon. As he nodded, Yunhyeong finished setting up his meal, took the spare chair and, as promised, glared at Jiwon.

By the time Jiwon finished the entire meal and gulped down every drop of water from the bottle, Yunhyeong had completely cleaned off any mess in the studio ever since he got sick of glaring at Jiwon’s sad puppy face. It was both fucking annoying and adorable that he begrudgingly let him finish his meal in peace.

After Yunhyeong had cleaned up after Jiwon, he sat back down beside the latter and said, “And now, I’m not leaving until you finish off all your work. We’re going back home together and I don’t wanna hear any opposition from your mouth.”

_ Oh crap._ Yunhyeong was in full-on mother hen mode and Jiwon was not about to test that except he was in a complete disarray with his work. He made some songs but they were inappropriate, sensual, and, not to mention, embarrassing to let the elder listen.

“Um… O-okay, hyung.” Jiwon just said so as to not annoy the other further.

Jiwon worked on his previous songs, being forced to work accordingly did him good as his being nervous being caught by Yunhyeong helped him focus more. It was actually pretty good and decent. The song was far from the one he recently wrote. It was outright devastating and desperate as it was written at the time he was still separated from his parents and facing constant criticisms and pressure.

After two hours Jiwon leant back on his chair and played the music. He noted what enhancements he could add, some alterations, but nothing major.

The song finished and Yunhyeong smiled for the first time that night. “That was really great, Ji. Have a title for that?”

“I was thinking of _Runaway_.”

Yunhyeong hummed in ascent, “Perfect.”

“Thanks, hyung.” But Yunhyeong just waved him off and stretched a little on his chair so Jiwon continued, “No, really. Not just for the compliment on the song, for coming here and looking after me. I know I’ve been really shitty and secretive but that’s only because I really don’t wanna lie to you guys anymore.”

Yunhyeong softened at Jiwon’s little confession, “You know you don’t have to lie to us, Jiwon. You can tell us literally everything, that’s how we’ve always been as brothers. Am I wrong to think that it isn’t the same for you these days anymore?”

Jiwon looked up at that. “No, hyung. Never. It’s just that it’s something I feel really awkward addressing, I don’t even know _how _to address it. I don’t even think it’s worth all this drama but—but I don’t… I don’t know.” He sighed in defeat. _Why did he have to be so awkward at this?_

“Fine. I’m not upset, but I can’t really say the same for the boys. Especially Hanbin.”

“Yeah,” He sighed again, “I’ll talk to them and apologize for being a big baby.” Only because he knew that’s what Yunhyeong would want him to say.

“Good.” The elder messed with his hair a little and asked, “Well, we goin’ home now, weirdo?”

“Yeah, I’m dead tired.” _He wasn’t really _that_ tired. _But Yunhyeong didn’t have to know that.

When they got home—Yunhyeong on the Upstairs Apartment and Jiwon on their own apartment—the boys were asleep, probably to prepare for the practice tomorrow which he was already dreading.

Taking off all his clothes except for his boxer, he landed with a loud thud on his bed. He blindly patted around for his hoodie as it was a bit chilly but was unsuccessful. Looking around, he swore he left his purple hoodie around here and then a thought came to mind that made him smile a little.

Hanbin must’ve stolen the hoodie out of spite and was wearing it to prevent missing him. That’s what he always did when they got into an argument or a cold war.

So, in conclusion, Hanbin was mad but not _mad_ mad. And Jiwon painfully missed him and wished he could control being such a paranoid sonuvabitch whenever Hanbin’s in close proximity.

Practice. Well, practice was hell. More than usual. Hanbin has been snapping at them mercilessly even at old songs they were just re-practicing for events, guestings, and award performances since there was never a free day for them except when the leader was sick. But today’s just been really rough for all of them.

Hanbin stopped the music again.

“What are you guys doing? Are you just physically here and mentally gone? For fuck’s sake, stop slacking off just because we’re re-practicing.” Hanbin’s voice hadn’t been that loud, it rarely ever was. His tone was menacing and cold, far from the kitten that he was at home. Somehow, with Hanbin using that tone of voice, they’d prefer he would shout at them just to see some emotions on the guy.

The members’ heads were hanging, chests heaving, bodies covered in sweat. Gone were their shirts after two hours in. Now, after six hours of gruesome and cruel practicing, Jinhwan had to step in.

“Hanbin,” the eldest started, approaching the younger leader cautiously and the room’s entire atmosphere tensed, “It’s been six hours, we haven’t had a single break, this is just gonna cause more damage than it should on the boys, and that controller is gonna short-circuit from constant replay.” Jinhwan had his hand on the leader but making sure not to crowd him just in case he’d explode from the intervention.

“Fine. Fucking suit yourselves,” Hanbin said as he got up from the floor but even before he finished his sentence the door was opened. It was Jaewon.

“Uh, bad time?” The rapper asked as he poked his head in.

“Jaewon,” Hanbin’s head snapped at the voice by the door, “No, we’re having a break. What’s up?”

_ Hanbin was smiling._ He was smiling as he approached the guy. He was smiling like he hadn’t just mercilessly snapped at his members.

Jaewon casually put an arm on Hanbin’s arm as he smiled back, “Wow, you totally forgot. Weren’t you the one who set up having the guys on the studio to start working on the next album?” He was speaking with that dazzling smile of his that Hanbin just returned so easily.

“Shit. No, no, I didn’t. I just got carried away with practice. Good thing you stopped by.”

“Of course you did.” He teasingly rolled his eyes and grinned, “I would never mind picking you up to spend some time with me,” Jaewon seemingly teased the other rapper, wiggling his eyebrows, making the younger laugh airily.

Jiwon realized how much he’d missed that laugh. They would always laugh and tease at each other like that and now there was a line they can’t even cross because of Jiwon’s sexual frustrations.

“Fuck you, hyung, you’re such a sap. Wait a moment.” Hanbin turned to all of them without even distancing himself and Jaewon. “Practice is over, you may return to the apartment now since Jiwon-hyung is needed to work on his album this afternoon, anyway. I’m gonna go to the studio for the rest of the day.” He said simply as he picked up his things which Jaewon took to carry for him.

They left just like that and members could only blink at the sudden change of schedule.

“Well…” One of them chirped but Jiwon couldn’t really pin point who it was since he’s too busy having the moment of Jaewon putting his hand on Hanbin’s arms replaying over and over in his head.

“Let’s take it and shake it, boys. Let’s head home. Are you heading straight for the studio, Ji, or are you coming with?” Yunhyeong interjects his dangerous train of thoughts as he patted Jiwon’s shoulder lightly.

“It’s the studio for me,” He said and before Yunhyeong could speak again, Jiwon hurriedly continued, “And I’ll have lunch in the cafeteria once I’ve had some rest.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, hyung. You guys should go, the younger ones are about to sleep over there standing.” True to Jiwon’s words, the younger ones were tiredly wiping their sweat with half-lidded eyes and stifled yawns. Yunhyeong rushed to them as he made them drink water and change clothes.

Jinhwan in the corner was on the phone with their manager, telling them about the change of schedule and needing a ride back home. As the eldest finished his phone call, Jiwon approached him cautiously.

“Hyung?” Jiwon called softly from the guy’s side.

Jinhwan immediately spun around, wide-eyed at the sight of the boy approaching him. “Jiwon,”

“I, uh, I just wanna apologize for making you worry the last couple of days with me dodging you guys. I shouldn’t have acted like a child and becoming a burden on top of you and Yunhyeong looking after the others. And… um, yeah. I-I guess that was—that’s all I could really say right now.”

The eldest expression only softened at the rapper’s attempt at apologies even when he knew how the guy could easily cringe at himself on confrontations.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Jiwon. I just wish you’d confide in us with whatever’s making you distant, but I won’t push you. Besides, you’re a big boy now.” Jinhwan said while patting his head adoringly like Jiwon was his favorite child and could never get angry at him.

Back in Jiwon’s studio couldn’t help but keep thinking about the interaction between Jaewon and Hanbin. Was it just him—a FF-induced maniac—or are they becoming too intimate now? More skinship and comfortable, flirty banter.

He’d read too much fanfictions and some of them contained love triangles of him, Hanbin, and Jaewon. Sure, there were other love triangles with them but ones with Jaewon had seemed the most plausible.

Hanbin and Jaewon have been friends ever since the rapper joined the company when he gained fame from Show me the Money, even Jiwon respected the guy. The good looks were a plus, too, as it helped gather his fanbase. And Hanbin adored him, even seeming like the hyung among the two because he was more experienced, and a sunbae, in the industry.

Jiwon recalled when they got really close, and it was his own doing. When Jiwon reprimanded Hanbin on one of their VLive that he wanted Hanbin to stop flirting or initiating skinship with him because he felt embarrassed and that he didn’t like ‘out-flirting’ the guy as was Jinhwan’s advice at the time, Hanbin seemed to have been all too happy in redirecting his ‘flirtations’ to Jaewon who was also all too happy being the receiving end of it all.

But seeing the younger rapper being touchy, and greeting Jaewon with a knowing and sweet smile, and the latter reciprocating with the touches really unnerved Jiwon to an extent he haven’t even felt before.

_ It’s the stories. It’s just the stories. I swear to God, when I meet international fans, who was the majority of the lot who made those stories I’m gonna interrogate the hell out of them and ask them what’s running on their pretty, little heads._

“I should really stop reading those,” he muttered aloud to himself, really grateful having this time for himself but, really, he should be working on those songs. 2 more tracks to go and he’ll be ready for a meeting with the big man and then start the meeting with the staff for formal planning for the music videos’ theme and concept, start shooting the MVs, photoshoots, dance practices, vocal lessons for final recording, interview debriefing, debut performance, launching party for his solo and promoting not just in Korea but also Japan—and he’ll be doing all that alone, without his brothers, without Hanbin.

_ Could I really do this?_ He’d always cower at the mentions of interviews and reality shows, mostly relying on Hanbin and the other members to do more so he wouldn’t have any unnecessary spotlight.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when a voice resonated from the door of the studio, “Stop reading what, hyung?”

“Junhoe?”

“Yeah.”

“What made you come here? You’re supposed to be resting at home.”

Contrary to what iKONICs think, him and Junhoe interact fairly well, cool and distant but still not a blubbering mess like they are oftentimes seen due to his members’ teasing. Junhoe came in and sat on the other chair.

Junhoe frowned at the question, “Lost a bet and was tasked to come here to come fetch you because, as Yunhyeong stated, and I mean he really drilled it into all of us, ‘Jiwon wouldn’t come home if left alone in his studio to rot, not to eat, rest, or change, so one of you will go there when Jinhwan and I are occupied’, and so here I am.”

Sometimes, Yunhyeong really was a bit much. “It’s not even that la—“

“It’s eleven forty-six, hyung.” Junhoe _helpfully_ cut him off.

“Oh.”

“Uh-huh. Yunhyeong was on the food run and then visited his parents so he was really tired when he came home and Jinhwan’s on Hanbin-watch.”

“Are they at home yet?”

“Nah. Hanbin’s allowed to stay up late for his beloved music for now since he’s upset and pouty and as what the hyungs said, adorable,” Junhoe scoffs, looking at him knowingly to which Jiwon only replied with an eye roll, “And for some reason, could only be distracted by Jaewon-hyung giving him constant attention.”

Now, it was time for Jiwon to frown at Junhoe’s statement. “So, what’d he need Jinhwan-hyung there, then? He’s got his favorite hyung already to take care of him,”

Junhoe almost let a smile slip but quickly held it in as he noted the underlying bitterness in Jiwon’s tone of voice.

“Jealous? You know how Hanbin is when he’s upset, he’ll easily come back to normal once he’s being well-fed with attention for as many people as possible.”

Jiwon remembered how there was like a silent pact within the group that Jinhwan takes care of Hanbin while Yunhyeong takes care of the rest since Hanbin took a lot of work, being sensitive, hard to read, hides serious problems from them that leads to a series of panic attacks and so much more.

“I’m sure Jinhwan was all too glad having spent some time with him since he really felt bad when Hanbin wouldn’t confide in him before and wallowed in sadness.” Junhoe continued and Jiwon’s frown deepened at that.

“I caused this pick-up service _and_ all that fuss?”

Junhoe raised an eyebrow at him in a silent ‘duh’.

“For how many years we’ve been living together, you should’ve known how Hanbin gets all sensitive and emotional like a child when he feels unwanted, or that there’s a problem with him according to how people act towards him, overthinks and all that, especially since you’ve know each other longer than all of us.”

“Well, maybe I have issues, too. Can’t I have that and be mad at myself in peace and not having to worry about hurting people?” He replied petulantly because he felt he wasn’t even acknowledged in the situation and felt like defending himself which was really just childish and pathetic. But this was Junhoe and the guy never really cared at how other people acted around him.

Junhoe tilts his head aside, not even fazed with his question, and threw a question at him, too, “I don’t know, hyung. Are you really gonna allow something to upset Hanbin? You’ve been secretly overly protective of him outside work where he’s most vulnerable, practically growling at anyone who looked, smelled, and felt like a threat. So, you tell me, do you really want him to grow distant with you and having him thrown to the world without you beside him aside from being one of his members?”

Sometimes, Jiwon really hated how smart the younger could get. He was always viewed as the one with one brain cell left in him that functions but then he goes and says things like these to him and actually makes Jiwon dizzy.

Jiwon groaned and brought his hands on his face, rubbing maybe a bit too harshly at himself. “Fuck you, Junhoe.”

The younger merely laughed at having his hyung K.O-ed with mere words, coming from Junhoe no less.

“Is what you’re acting like this for even worth the distance you’ve put on all of us, hyung? Is it really that big, what you’re going through?

He shook his head, “I don’t even know. When I’m by myself I’d think that maybe I’m overreacting and that I should just talk to even one of you guys about it, but when I see you guys I just panic and unintentionally hide behind the curtains so you wouldn’t give me any attention. Although, it only served to do just that.” Jiwon said, the last bit pertaining to how he was being picked up from his studio two days in a row.

“Do you panic seeing us all together or are you okay with seeing us individually?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m able to shrug off your presence right now because I’m physically and mentally fucking tired from all the crap I’ve brought to myself.” He confessed because it was true. He was drained and soon he would have no filter.

“Is your issue really with all of us, in general, or just Hanbin-hyung?”

Jiwon sighed in defeat and closed his eyes as he leaned on his chair. “I don’t know exactly about that anymore, too, to be honest. At first, it was everything and everyone in general. But I’ve slowly gone back to how I bond with you guys. Everyone except Hanbin and I don’t know why.”

Oh, God. Jiwon knew he’d regret this in the morning when he was more level-headed but, as of the moment he didn’t give two fucks about it and Junhoe seemed to think the same.

“Just fucking tell your problem already and we’ll fix it. You say you’re back to treating us to how you used to so just spill it. Me, of all people, wouldn’t be bothered with almost anything—so long as you haven’t killed anyone and threw them over the bridge or something.”

Jiwon snorted at that. If Junhoe was saying that in comparison, his _problem_ seemed so mediocre.

“Man, I feel stupid even considering it a problem when I should just be laughing at it and shrug it off as nothing.”

Junhoe put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him so seriously, “Hyung, I don’t know if you haven’t noticed it yourself but,” his eyes became flat as he deadpanned, “you _are_ stupid.”

Jiwon smacked him. “Hey, are you forgetting I’m older than you.”

“Ow. I did say a ‘hyung’ in the beginning,” he whined as he scratched his head.

He was about to bicker back at him again but a phone rang and both jumped like a pair of scaredy-cats.

Junhoe fished his phone on his pockets and answered but soon took his phone away from his ears. It wasn’t even on speaker phone bet could hear the yell on the other side of the phone call.

“Hyung, for fuck’s sake, calm down! We’re alive. We’re about to head back.” A series of hums and ‘yes, hyung’ came after and he finally said, “Hyung, hyung, hyung, can you, like, shut up already? You said all that before I came to pick up Jiwon-hyung and made me memorize it. Just go to sleep already and I’ll make sure he’s well fed and tucked into his bed with a fucking lullaby, a damn story-telling, with good night kisses and all that package.”

Jiwon threw a pen at him to which the younger easily deflected. He got up to start turning off all equipments, gathering all items needed to bring back home. Junhoe ended the phonecall and rubbed at his damaged ears.

“Tired Yunhyeong is a force to be reckoned with,” the younger replied and Jiwon laughed at his expense.

“C’mon, let’s go home before he calls me too.”

“Fuck that. I know he’s gonna be all extra careful and caring towards you like you’re his maknae now.”

“D’you really think Yunhyeong acts on favouritism?”

“I would think so. But depends on his mood or if someone’s got a problem or something.”

Coming home, Jiwon smiled as he saw yet again that his Jacket disappeared off to Hanbin. He concluded, right before he closed his eyes, that maybe Hanbin really does need his presence, even when he’s got a billion hyungs looking after him. Jiwon hadn’t known yet why he was so warm at the thought, at the time he gave it no deeper meaning. But he would. Soon.

_Bonus:_

The next day after another gruelling practice, Jiwon had decided to come back to the apartment with them (Hanbin having left again with Jaewon to which Junhoe only laughs at his reaction like he knew something he didn’t), to shower, change, and maybe rest for a bit before going back to his studio.

Coming out of the elevator with Jinhwan, Donghyuk and Junhoe everyone went out one by one, him being last as he was almost dozing off on the far back. As he was the last one, he heard another ping when the other elevator produced two of his other members—Yunhyeong and Chanwoo.

And, Oh, my freaking God. Yunhyeong’s top was unbuttoned, Chanwoo grinned, looking weirdly satisfied, and both of them sporting wild mop of hairs.

“Hyung, wrong floor,” Chanwoo called out at the running member laughing heartily.

“I’m not going up there, fuck you.” Yunhyeong replied.

“Only if you let me fuck you first.”

OKAY! THAT IS IT. JIWON HAS HAD ENOUGH. He ran toward his own apartment, beating Yunhyeong, to lock himself up in his room to clean his eyes and ears with holy water, and never see the two ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story is looking more and more angsty than I initially planned. Me, one who avoids slow burn FFs and is actually making one. A fucking hyprocrite, right? This was 4k words of bullshit. Bear with me, okay? I'm gonna go full-on with the fluff and smut once we get there, I swear on Bobby's purple polka-dot boxers.
> 
> Oh and the lyrics were from Heaven by Julia Michaels.
> 
> Twt: @flowerypath_131


	3. All Ships Are Sailing

Jiwon and Hanbin had been effectively deflecting one another and no one dared to interfere when the leader wants to have his way and that was for Jiwon himself to make the move, or atleast attempt to move. In all honesty, Jiwon had been mentally preparing himself in approaching Hanbin when he had his relationship with the other members back to what he’d consider relatively normal but when he was about to, a series of events led him to scurry back to overthinking about fan fictions.

One of these events was when Jiwon had went to Jinhwan’s room to ask the guy to go for drinks with him since Donghyuk couldn’t due to both vocal and dance lessons. Jinhwan had always been a close second to Jiwon’s drinking buddy because the guy was right up his alley when it came to drinking—his tolerance, taste, and refined, controlled actions—but it was double-edged with his unpredictable mood swings.

Jiwon has also wanted to drink with him to maybe actually talk about why Jiwon had been acting strange, ask some advice in approaching Hanbin without offending the sensitive guy.

But, when Jiwon had entered the eldest’s room, the view that appeared before him was the _last_ thing he’d ever expect but had always suspected ever since he’d gone through several fan fictions.

There Jinhwan was, in the bed, but not as alone as Jiwon had expected him to be. Junhoe was there. On top of him. Pinning Jinhwan down. Sweating. Both of their clothes wrinkled. Bothe their hair dishevelled in a just-fucked manner.

Jiwon was acting before thinking—because Jezuz freakin Krayzt, he really wanted to be out of the room. But then as he scrambled his way out towards where he initially went in, he had knocked over some shoe box Jinhwan most probably threw in a random direction across the room.

Both heads snapped to his direction, both confused and innocent-looking and then it seemed to have dawned on them that they were in a position someone could easily misinterpret and it made them struggle out of his each other’s hold—knocking heads and elbows almost meeting the each other’s faces. In another day, in a different situation, Jiwon would’ve laughed his ass off at the sight but at the moment, it just made them look guilty, and he might’ve put on extra meaning at the action.

_ Shut up. Stop overthinking._

“Ji, what’s up?” Jinhwan casually said like he hadn’t walked in on them in an uncompromising position.

Jiwon blinked twice stupidly before muttering some words, “U-Um, just… Uh, I, uh, was wondering if you’d have a drink with me or something. But, if you’re…” he tried to think of an appropriate word but it was so poorly thought of, “... occupied, I’ll just call Mino-hyung.”

Jinhwan turned from flustered to worried in a nanosecond as he took in the younger’s words. “A drink sounds appealing. Wait for me in the living room for a sec, yeah?”

“Okay, hyung,” Jiwon didn’t need any more signal for his leave as it was becoming a little suffocating.

Breathing out a deep intake of breath, he tried to calm his racing and inappropriate thoughts. Jiwon couldn’t even get drunk that night since he’d felt too self-conscious.

Second event. Jiwon made his way up the upstairs apartment knowing full well that the younger rapper was in his studio with Jaewon and the others—namely, Seung and Raesung. He felt slighted, lonely, drained from work, and attention-deprived from his members. Although, he’d outright deny the last part if asked.

He entered the apartment and wasn’t really surprised that it was quiet and calm—a clear contrast with theirs—as the members who resided here were always so closed off, and such clean freaks (in courtesy of Yunhyeong coaxing them to be as such and the two members indulging their hyung so he’d cook delicious food for them every time).

Jiwon made a beeline towards the kitchen. It was on the rare occasion that he’d come home earlier than usual, not wanting another member to be obliged to pick him up in his studio again.

“Yun—,” Jiwon froze at the sight being presented to him like it was some drama he hadn’t watch yet.

Although Yunhyeong was smaller in frame compared to Chanwoo, he had his arms wrapped around the other, looking so intimate and domestic. Except Jiwon didn’t know what to do now.

_ Does he run? Call them out on it? Panic?_

Yunhyeong, ever the attentive hyung, had noticed his presence even when the voice he had muttered up upon entrance was hushed. “Hey, Jiwon. Hungry?” He had said it so innocently that Jiwon felt guilty for reading into their _position_ in a sensual manner.

“A little, yeah.” He was surprised his voice hadn’t cracked, not even a single stammer.

The third event. It was when he really thought he’d explode. Anything involving Hanbin made him wanna explode these days that it had started to make Jiwon panic.

They were currently in the dance practice room. Hanbin was in a lighter mood today, loosely giving out orders and specifications, but for some reason it irked Jiwon how the leader was looking fresh as a daisy today when they haven’t even made up properly yet and could only mean that this mood was brought about by another rapper, Jaewon.

“Okay, guys, let’s have some break and resume after twenty minutes,” Hanbin called out after a round of some touch-up practices.

Everyone began to take off their clothes to change, roughly dabbing their faces with a towel, and drinking water. Jiwon himself had taken off his shirt to change, going about it lazily.

The practice was only for half a day with the boys heading home right after, but Jiwon would have to work on his album. He just couldn’t finish those two tracks, having another three songs that he feels just missed something. And guess what? The five of them were love songs (ish), which he only had a problem with. The beats were right, the build-up lyrics were there but it just needed something. And that something he was looking for… well, Jiwon just couldn’t pin point what exactly.

“Hyung,” his attention was dragged towards the maknae who he hadn’t noticed had come up to him.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, was thinking about something and it kind of involved you,” Chanwoo had his right hand rubbing at his nape which he could tell was from discomfort but the youngest seemed determined to let it out.

Jiwon’s brow creased. “What’s wrong, Chanu?”

“It’s just that these days, Yunhyeong-hyung seemed more fidgety, paranoid, and clingy, and the reason I have come to realize seemed to be you and Hanbin-hyung. Yun isn’t really used to any of us having long periods of time pulling out the cold war card and it kind of got him off-kilter and as a result… well, he’s been making me his outlet. Teaching me to cook, taking me out to stuff endless food in my mouth, fussing over me. Jinani-hyung used to do that but stopped, I’m guessing to shower Junhoe with attention, and now Yun seemed to pick up the habit unintentionally to distract himself.” Chanwoo sighed, not used to give out long monologues, “Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a burden. I do kind of like the attention but I know that there is still an underlying loneliness in his mind and no amount of fussing over his maknaes would suffice. He doesn’t wanna push you guys but… I am.

I don’t mean to worry you but you really need to re-evaluate your thoughts on what you guys are trying to pull here. A matter of pride or awkwardness or anything. You know how the two eldest worry the most. You guys have to talk, form a truce or something, I don’t really care. I just really need you guys to get your shit together and go back to normal.” And then the maknae walked out.

Since when did his maknae sound so… grown-up? He felt like the child now. And he hated it. But he knew Chanwoo was right, the same as Junhoe.

Jiwon heaved a heavy sigh that’s been weighing his shoulder down and looked up to try and hunt for the younger rapper.

And it’s like the universe really just wanna make fun of him. There the leader was… sandwiched in between Junhoe and Jinhwan looking all too intimate. Or maybe it was Jiwon’s fucked up imagination brought to you by fans terrorizing his mind with threesome fanfictions. _Great._ Just great.

Jinhwan’s chest was pressed against Hanbin’s back while the leader had Junhoe laying down in his lap where he carded his fingers through the youngest of three’s hair, all the while giggling at what they were talking about. The sound was so pure, so familiar, yet so far from him.

Hanbin was there. Clad in some tank top, old and faded ripped jeans, with his shoes discarded, his hair was sticking out—result of roughly going through it with a towel as he got rid of dripping beads of sweat, eyes shining bright free from any make up, tongue darting across his chapped lips subconsciously, dimples showing with one deeper than the other the same way one eye crinkles smaller than the other as he laughs that ugly yet enticing laugh of his.

Suddenly, Jiwon was taken aback as a realization dawned on him. Something he’d avoided at all costs, dancing aroung the idea but never really thought to read deeper into it as it seemed too absurd.

He had unknowingly noticed everything the stories told him about Hanbin. The way he gets dorky and whiny when his leader act was turned off, the way he was switched on to Tigerbin and Leadernim when in practice and performances, the way he had evolved from the cold, stoic B.I from trainee days to needy, clingy Hanbin when at home after promotions. The way he’d make it his problem when someone he loves dearly is troubled. The duality he has off stage as the quail all cutesy and sleepwalking, and as the predator he is on stage spitting bars. The way he refused to buy anything unnecessarily expensive and choose to use as much fan gifts he’d received as he can. The way he’d appreciate if there was even just one person listening to the songs he’d made and appreciate. The way he’d stutter and shy away at compliments in his line of work. The way he’d anonymously donate to hospitals. The way he’d drop everything because he just _had _to pet that dog, cat, rabbit, goat, or even a fucking bear. The way he comforts people even when he himself was struggling. The innocence he possessed outside work despite looking confident and worldly. The way he’d notice and appreciate the little things.

And Bobby. The way he had accepted Jiwon, albeit reluctantly, when the management deemed them as teammates to train together. The way he had practiced with Jiwon in all hours when he was needed even when he was dead tired. The way he was so patient in guiding Jiwon through producing, rapping and dancing. The way he’d wordlessly crawl up to Jiwon’s bed when he noticed the new trainee crying from missing his family, gave him the warmest and most comforting hugs until he stopped and then sleeping with him to make sure he’d sleep peacefully through the night. The way he was willing to go through everything and anything to make sure he’d take the hit for his members so selflessly. The way he’d go with anything Jiwon wanted to try as a rapper—going to Show me the Money together. The way Hanbin cherished his Pooh as much as Jiwon did. And the way he stole his hoodies as his own cute way of showing retaliation when he was upset with Jiwon. The way he’d visibly relax when it was Jiwon’s arms wrapped around him, the visible way he’d melt at the briefest of contact. And the way Jiwon had realized just now how these thoughts made him smile inwardly. But then the way he’d been directing his affections towards Jaewon, letting the other rapper be his comfort zone ultimately replacing him, had wiped Jiwon’s smile from his face.

_ Stop._

His train of thought was going to the deep end of everything Hanbin and it was making him feel conflicted. Like he just had a breakthrough but refused to acknowledge it fully. Because… well, because he was scared of what his mind and heart was trying to imply.

“—okay?! Jiwon!” Yunhyeong yell had cut through his head.

Jiwon finally noticed how everyone’s attention was on him. _So that’s why in the middle of his dramatic monologue inside his head Hanbin—whom he was blatantly staring at—had also turned and stared back at him._ It had been days since he had those pair of eyes looking at him.

“Ji, seriously man, you’re making me worried. You okay there?” Yunhyeong had placed a hand on him and Jiwon visibly flinched at the contact.

He blinked. Everybody was now standing and inwardly debating if they should approach him. He finally broke eye contact with Hanbin feeling panicked now, cleared his closing throat before speaking, “Yeah, hyung. What were you saying again?”

“Fuck that. You looked like you just stopped functioning altogether,” Yunhyeong scoffed, a bit nervously, “You looked like you’ve seen a ghost.”

_ I saw something different. I saw Hanbin clearly, clearer than he’d ever had before._ And he really would rather see a ghost at the moment.

Yunhyeong waved at Jiwon’s line of sight, “Yoohoo, earth to Jiwon’s head! You’re seriously worrying me Ji.”

“I’m-,” he sighed at his cracked voice, “I’m fine, hyung. I just need a minute.”

Before Yunhyeong could reply, Jiwon already bolted outside. He needed space. Away from anyone. Away from his members. And, especially, away from Hanbin.

He was out of breath even when he hadn’t even done anything strenuous. It took a moment for him to realize that his feet was dragging him towards his studio. Unspoken words turning to lyrics because for some reason, he found it easier that way. Saying things through lyrics, through music. Maybe Hanbin would understand it better because Jiwon sucked at explaining what was running in his head, sucked at apologizing, sucked at conveying his emotions.

But before he could even reach the doorknob leading inside his studio, warm fingers wrapped Jiwon’s arm. His heart dropped five feet under as he knew exactly who it was even when he hasn’t even turned to see the person.

“Kimbap,”

_ God, he missed that voice. _He realized he’d missed that nickname coming from the man who’d come up with it. It’s just been a few days but he had terribly missed that voice. Maybe because he was used to having Hanbin with him without really appreciating it as much, taking advantage of it all.

He realized he hasn’t said anything, hasn’t even turned to face him.

“Bin,”

How Jiwon said that without his voice cracking was a mystery to him.

Hanbin sighed and the hand he had on Jiwon’s arms was suddenly dragging him inside of his own studio. Jiwon’s heart was racing like it was attempting to out-beat him and eventually be the death of him. Something he didn’t really mind at the moment.

When the door closed, Hanbin was staring at him squarely in the eye and it made Jiwon feel like an insect being looked at with a miscroscope.

“I’ve had enough of this roller coaster, Kim Jiwon, and my patience has dwindled to nothing.” Jiwon’s shoulders raised just a little bit at the mention of his full name from the leader. “I am done waiting for you to open up and talk to me like a normal, sane human being. You scared the hell out of me and the members when you stopped moving back there all the while staring at me like… like… like…” Hanbin waved his hands around, looking for answers in the air between them.

“Like what?”

_ Wow, you really wanna hear the answer to that, Jiwon? You stupid ass._

“Like I’m your _everything_! Like you wanted to touch me but I’m so far away. It seems obnoxious and impossible but it made us all panic, it made _me_ panic! So you have to explain to me what’s been going on inside that head of yours from the very beginning. And it better be a good goddamned explanation or I swear to God and all that is holy, I’m gonna whoop your ass in your own studio!”

_ Yikes._ Angry Hanbin really has no filter. The guy was even screaming, hysterically so. Jiwon could tell the other was bothered and confused, seeming at fault. But Jiwon, for the life of him, didn’t know what to say and even if he did, he didn’t really know how to say it. Call him stupid but he really was juggling all these words and didn’t know how to construct a full sentence with it. And all he could do was stare stupidly at the guy having nothing and everything to say.

“You’re doing it again! Stop that!” He yelled exasperatedly.

“Stop what?!”

“Looking at me like that!”

“Like what?!”

“Like I’m the lost motherfucking Yamashita Treasure!”

Jiwon had the audacity to laugh at the comparison.

“Oh, you piece of shit! Can you properly converse right now? I—,” He cut himself off, throwing his hands in the air as if in defeat. “You know what? If you have nothing to say then I’m leaving!” he stated so dramatically that Jiwon strived hard to bit back a smile.

_ Did he even know the power he has over me?_

“I have nothing and everything to say, Bin.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Hanbin deadpanned, crossing his arms in the process.

Jiwon shook his head and collapsed on his chair. “I don’t know, too. It’s just—I… I’m not in a good place right now and I don’t even know how to describe it,” He raised his head then, gauging Hanbin’s reaction who Jiwon swore had seen his eyes soften so he continued, “But, once I’ve had my shit together, I promise you’ll be the first person I’ll talk to, or try to talk to,” Because he doubted much talking would happen as he was awkward as fuck and would probably panic and fly.

“Ji—“

Before Hanbin could even finish what he was about to say, a knock had cut through to which the younger rapper had opened reluctantly, not wanting to end their conversation just yet.

“Wonnie,” Hanin had said, his tone soft and endearing, at the sight of Jaewon on the other side of the door. Jiwon tore his eyes away at the pair and was looking more sour by the second at the interaction that was unravelling before his eyes.

“Hey, Bin,” Jaewon smiled at Hanbin warmly and Jiwon suddenly had the urge to wipe that smile off the older rapper’s face. With what, Jiwon hasn’t decided yet. “Hey, Bobby.”

Jiwon merely nodded in acknowledgement. He felt like being an ass right now and was itching to get into his music.

“Seung had some trouble with one track and needed your notebook. I went to the dance practice room but Jinhwan said you would be here.” Jaewon explained and Jiwon _really_ wanted to get rid of him.

“Oh, just wait a second, will you? We were just talking about something.”

“Okay.”

Hanbin closed the door again and looked at Jiwon, gone were the bright eyes and smiling lips. “Fine, but, next time at least try and not lose your shit in front of everybody and worry them. I will always be patient with you, Ji, so get your act together. Remember, you have a solo album to release.”

“I know, Bin.”

And then, Hanbin was out the door. Jiwon jumped at his seat and locked the door furiously before diving into powering up everything in his studio. His mind was buzzing with new lyrics and melodies to go along with them. It was currently ten in the morning and he knew the practice was over the instant he stormed out the door.

Jiwon fished his phone from his pocket and shot a quick text to Yunhyeong saying, _‘I won’t be back til much later. Don’t wait up. And no pick up pls. I’m finishing up the songs. And yes I’m gonna have Jaeho-hyung buy me food for lunch and dinner, so don’t worry mom. I’m gonna turn off my phone just to concentrate more.’_

He sent it and immediately shut down his phone, not awaiting any reply from his hyung. Jiwon opened up the folder that had his unifinished songs. Scratching out some lyrics and scribbling some new ones on his notebook, tweaking the backbone of the melody, adding and replacing beats—Jiwon was on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it just me or was this shitty? nah, this was shitty. I didn't mean for this to have this much angst when I live for smut. Speaking of, im working on it religiously to make up for all this... kerfuffle.


	4. Your Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of making this I’ve realized that during this time they didn’t have separate rooms then. But since I’ve started with the outline and having them in separate rooms instead of the old arrangement would greatly affect the story, I’ve decided to just leave it be. Just imagine they had separate rooms already.

A series of banging from his studio’s door woke Jiwon up more than ten cups of coffee combined ever could. Groaning at the surprise at having been woken from what seemed like two hours of sleep, he grunted back a reply to the person knocking.

Dragging his body over the door, he opened it to see a manic Yunhyeong.

“Finally! You dipshit!”

Jiwon yawned, “Good morning to you, too, hyung,” and slumped back to his couch where he’d been dozing off.

“It’s evening, you sonuvabitch.” Yunhyeong informed him crossed arms.

Jiwon immediately perked up at the statement. _Evening?_ He could’ve sworn he fell asleep some time around 8 in the morning. Was he asleep for that long already? But then again, he shouldn’t be shocked at the exhaustion his body still felt as he was working on perfecting the songs since yesterday after the talk with Hanbin.

“Jesus, hyung, I’m sorry. But, really? A pick up? I told you no more pickups. You guys should rest while you can.”

Yunhyeong _squawked_ at that, “Kim Jiwon, you turned off your phone after texting me to which I’m sure you haven’t even seen my reply, broke your promise of having Jaeho-hyung give you food because you motherfuckin locked your door, skipped today’s practice which made Hanbin panic and triggered his anxiety _again_, and you _dare_ question why I’ve come invading your tea time?!

Jiwon winced and dropped his head in defeat. _God, how many times has he managed to fuck up these past few days?_

“S-sorry, hyung. Inspiration just hit me and had to get on with jotting everything down before it escaped my mind, and I’ve honestly forgotten food because I binged on perfecting the songs so I could finalize the schedule of presentation with Yang, and I swear to God didn’t mean to make you guys worry,” Jiwon admitted with drooped shoulders and a shaking head.

Yunhyeong sighed, “It’s not just me you should apologize to. You need to go talk to Hanbin, make him calm down, and apologize to him. After that, I am done being patient so whether you like it or not, we’re gonna sit down and talk once and for all why you’re acting like this.”

_ Oh shit._ That was a lot. But he really should’ve had it coming.

“Yes, hyung, I promise and I—wait, what?” Just as Jiwon was mulling Yunhyeong’s speech over, one specific thing had just sunk in to him, “Is… is Hanbin okay?”

“He’s worried sick, Ji. I told him to come with me but he wouldn’t, said that he told you he’d be patient with you and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything as he suspects he has something to do with you acting like this for days.”

Jiwon felt like a bucket of ice was thrown over his head at what Yunhyeong said.

“You helped him through his panic attacks the most, Ji. And now,” Yunhyeong sighed for the umpteenth time, “It doesn’t matter. Just finish up here and we’re going home.”

The older really seemed so disappointed with him this time, and no amount of puppy dog eyes would work. _You really had done it this time, Ji._

To his credit, he really was working on the songs because he’d use it to hopefully make Hanbin understand and eventually have the courage to explain everything to him and then to the members. He really hated being the burden, and never once was the reason of Hanbin’s panic attacks, and instead he was the one who helped him through it. Thinking about having inflicted all those trouble to the guys and Hanbin even had Jiwon disappointed in himself.

The ride home was, to put it nicely, relatively quiet, awkward, and suffocating for Jiwon. But he deserved it.

Jiwon briefly thought if one of his hoodies would go missing again. At least he’d have a reason to sneak into Hanbin’s room. He was feeling rather guilty and too tired to actually feel awkward waltzing into the leader’s room to care.

And so with that in mind, Jiwon peeled off his clothes as quickly as his dozing ass would allow, didn’t even bother turning the lights on in a hurry, and change into pajamas and—

_ JESUS H. CHRIST DID HIS DUVET JUST __MOVE?!_ As far as he could remember, he didn’t have any pet. Jiwon squinted and tried to make out what was causing movements in his bed through the dark room.

Realization came to him just when the movement stopped. _He didn’t have a pet but he did have a Hanbin_.

Hanbin used to do this when he was really on edge or felt the lowest—crawling into Jiwon’s bed and clutching his Pooh, waiting until he would come find the younger to cuddle with him in hopes of calming down. Jiwon used to be really mad thinking about someone causing Hanbin any form of pain and would demand knowing the cause of Hanbin’s state but was reassured that he just needed a cuddle and didn’t want Jiwon to be in trouble. But now… Now, Jiwon knew the cause. It was him. And that’s what he hadn’t realized was one of his biggest fear: _Being the cause of Hanbin’s panic attack_.

Some people used to belittle Hanbin when they discovered how sensitive the young leader could get, said that he shouldn’t be like that or he wouldn’t function well as a leader in YG. But Jiwon knew that was bullshit.

Hanbin had built up a wall after that and became so hard, so icy, and so cynical. A handful of people were only able to see the weak side of him, and Jiwon knew how much the younger hated it, hated himself for being that way. So, Jiwon had become his rock. Well, up until Jiwon had carelessly let Hanbin be distant with him, turn to Jaewon, and the last straw: brought back his anxiety.

But Jiwon was hopeful. Hanbin was here. He had come and seek out Jiwon. Maybe Jiwon could turn things around if he just played the right cards and stopped being stupid.

With a deep breath to calm his racing thoughts, he slowly flipped the duvet a little. And there Hanbin was—curled up in a fetal position with a death grip on Pooh. Jiwon’s heart tugged at the sight. Hanbin used to look so peaceful when asleep but now there was a little frown etching on his beautiful face.

Jiwon carefuly slid into the blanket and lie down in bed. But Hanbin’s spidey senses decided to activate right then and there as Jiwon froze when he saw those dark chocolate orbs boring into him and felt all his defences down. Hanbin blinked once and without a word, crawled up from his position to flop completely on top of Jiwon, bringing Pooh with him. And suddenly, the close proximity had the wind knocked out of Jiwon.

“’M’sorry, just wan’ sleep here,” Hanbin slurred and Jiwon _melted._ The younger had completely missed how Jiwon had bit his lip trying to calm himself down.

“’S’okay, Bin. Go back to sleep,” he said in the most hushed tone he could manage and began drawing random shapes on the younger’s back when he had recovered from shock and wrapped his arms around Hanbin. The gesture always put the other to sleep faster in his arms.

When Jiwon thought the younger was already asleep, he was immediately proven wrong when Hanbin spoke again, “Hyung…”

Jiwon hummed in reply.

“’M’sorry,” he said softly and proceeded to bury himself further into Jiwon’s body and tucked his head beneath the elder’s chin.

Jiwon was a little taken aback, “For what, Bin?”

Hanbin sighed softly, his breath ghosting over Jiwon’s neck making the hair on his nape stand in attention, and then spoke again, “I don’t know what exactly but I do know you’re becoming distant partially because of me.”

This was exactly what Jiwon feared the other would think. He really should’ve been honest from the start. That it was just fanfictions and fan-made videos that somehow shaken him up a bit but it was too late when Jiwon had realized what he did back then when he had his inner monologue back at the dance practice room. It was his own fault and Hanbin was taking the blame again just like how he always did when people wouldn’t appreciate their efforts as a team. Hanbin must’ve thought it was work-related or something and that was the last thing Jiwon wanted.

And so, Jiwon did the only thing he could do at the moment and that was to tighten his hold on the younger and kissed the top of his head as he said, “No, Bin. You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. Go back to sleep, okay? I have something to show you tomorrow.”

“Really?” Hanbin perked up and rose from his position on Jiwon’s shoulder to look up directly into the elder’s eyes with the most innocent facial expression ever.

Jiwon’s heart quickened at the sight. Even in the dark, he could still make out the younger’s face from memory and could see the childish excitement it held.

“Yeah, I don’t know if you’ll like it but I really hope you would. So, go back to sleep so we can head there early, yeah?”

Hanbin nodded as enthusiastically as his sleepy state can manage. “Okay, hyung.”

_ Jesus take the wheel_.

Jiwon woke up alone in the morning. He was slightly disappointed but he really should’ve expected it. Hanbin must’ve been embarrassed at approaching him last night and ran away even before he woke up. Jiwon only sighed at that and begrudgingly got off of his bed while clutching his phone.

With a yawn, he checked his phone for any messages but then realized it was still turned off from being shut down the other day. Once he’d turned it on, the phone could practically pass as a vibrator with the non-stop buzzing it made.

_ 29 missed calls and 15 messages from Mommy Anchovy, 11 missed calls and 4 messages from Mommy Fairy, 1 message from JunHOE, 1 message from Hanbean_

He was suddenly very awake at the notification of Hanbin’s one message. It was sent yesterday around nine in the morning, maybe around the time they were practicing without him.

_ Hyung, u ok? I’m worried._

Okay, so maybe he was too delusional when his heart soared at the message saying _I’m_ instead of _we_. But, still. He really should make up for all of the mess he’d caused yesterday. The image of Hanbin being excited about Jiwon showing him something made him more determined. He had absolutely missed everything about Hanbin—the dorky smile, the band-aid covering that annoying pimple, the specs with his bed hair, free from any hair spray, his roman-god nose, and his annoyingly adorable urge to touch anyone in close proximity, preferably Jiwon. He had regretted now more than ever how he’d carelessly said that he hated it when Hanbin was always touchy with him, and now he was craving it.

With a shake of his head, he made his way out of his room and into the living room where, surprisingly (but not really) a pair of mother hens were waiting, presumably, for him with crossed arms and knitted eyebrows.

“Hi, Moms.” He greeted while rubbing his eyes.

“Shut up, I’m just here to wait for you to wake up and go directly to Hanbin once I’ve seen with my own eyes that you’ve eaten.” Jinhwan snapped.

Jiwon rolled his eyes fondly, “Nani-hyung, I promise I’m gonna eat a full meal so why don’t you go ahead and fuss on Hanbin? Two mother hens is too much for me,”

Jinhwan squinted his eyes and momentarily scrutinized Jiwon but then gave up and playfully smacked his head, “You better. Yun’s this close to having his first grey hair.”

He laughed at Yunhyeong’s noise of protest but said in the most assuring way with puppy dog eyes, “Yes, hyung.”

Once Jinhwan was out to hunt for Hanbin who has most probably run to hide on his studio, Yunhyeong made Jiwon eat a full-blown meal. _Well, someone was certainly stress-cooking._

“Thanks for the food, Mommy,” Jiwon beamed at Yunhyeong who growled at the nickname. But, since he finished his meal like a good boy, Yunhyeong cut him some slack.

“Shut up,” the older just bit back.

Jiwon laughed as he got up from his seat, “I’m gonna go shower and then head to the studio.”

“Shouldn’t you sleep or at least rest some more?”

He shook his head, “Nah, I just finished the tracks and need to inform Jaeho-hyung to set up a meeting with Yang for the presentation.”

Yunhyeong visibly lit up at the piece of information and bounced on his seat, “You finished all of it?! Can we listen?”

“Sure, but do you mind waiting until tonight? I’m planning to do something and it could take a while.”

“Hmm, what are you up to now, Kim Jiwon?”

Jiwon rolled his eyes again, “Nothing bad, Mommy.”

Yunhyeong punched his shoulder at that, “Make sure of that, Ji. No more sudden acts of hiding in your man-cave with no food and your phone turned off!”

“Yes, hyung. Can I go now, please? I have a long day ahead of me.”

“Okay, okay, shoo.”

After a quick shower and change of clothes, he was on his way to YG Building. The ride there consisted of Jiwon discussing with their manager, Jaeho, about what to do and when to do it. Possible schedule for the presentation of tracks was this afternoon and it was currently eight in the morning. Tablo—the ever supportive sunbae, his fellow producers—Millenium, Kang Uk Jin, Choice37, Diggy, and _Hanbin_ will be there along with some executives. _Fuck, now it was becoming too real._

When he got to the studio, he fired up his equipment and began checking all of the tracks and jotting down which demos would work with some featuring and who to feature it with.

By ten o’clock, he decided that it was time to call Hanbin despite his head spinning, heart racing, and limbs weakening at the thought. But, he had to man up because it was now or never.

He took his phone out and called Hanbin. It took two rings and then the call was accepted.

_ “Hyung?”_

He internally scowled at Hanbin not calling him by his nickname.

“Hey, Bin, you busy?”

_“N-No, not really? Why? Something wrong?”_

Scratching his head, he decided to play this randomly and just get the words out, “Remember what I said last night? About showing you something?”

_ “Hmm? O-Oh, that! I remember. Wanna show me now?”_

“Yeah, where are you?”

_ “I’m at my studio with Jaewon and Jinan.”_

_ Jaewon._ Great.

“Can you come by my studio?”

_ “Sure, I’ll be there in a minute.”_

“Okay,”

The call ended and Jiwon jumped from his seat to pace on the room. One look at his studio made him realize how much of a pigsty it’s been so he dashed about trying to at least make it look more presentable.

A tentative knock froze Jiwon in his haste. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_ Okay, calm the fuck down Jiwon_.

He went over and opened the door, and there Hanbin was in all his adorable glory—hair a mess, band aid over his left cheek, specs perched on top of his nose, and slightly pouting lips, clad in a hoodie and jeans. The view, had it been before all the fan-fictions, never really fazed Jiwon as much but looking at him now made him suck in a breath.

“Uh, hyung?” Hanbin questioned and tilted his head in confusion of his hyung’s sudden gawking. _Cute._

Jiwon shook his head and blinked rapidly, “Sorry, come in.”

Hanbin stepped into his studio and sat on the other chair just like he always did when he visited. “So, uh, what’s up? What’d you wanna show me?”

“Nothing much. Just—Uh, just… I just wanted to let you hear the tracks before I presented them to the meeting,” he said as he fumbled with his hand and sat down on his seat. He busied himself with checking the tracks to play as he was afraid of being more awkward if he looked at Hanbin any further.

A small gasp escaped the younger’s lips, however, which made Jiwon snap his attention to him as he said, “You finished everything?!”

He scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly, “Y-Yeah,”

Hanbin’s face slowly broke into a blinding smile and Jiwon swore he was debating whether to melt or die at the sight. “Play it! Play it! Play iiiit!”

The childish act of tugging at his arm to urge him on made Jiwon smile at him, too, and started to play the tracks. He started with _Runaway,_ then _Up, _then _Swim_…

_Why do I miss you when you’re not next to me?_ _  
_ _I know men but I really don’t know you_

_When I lay down next to you___  
I fall into a deep sleep  
It’s so peaceful, every moment  
Whenever I see you smile

_You’re like a flood___  
In my desert-like studio  
My speakers break  
When I’m overflowing with your thoughts

_Wanna wake up next to you___  
I miss even your morning breath  
What did you do to me?  
Baby boo

…and then_I love you_

_We shared a life that wasn’t short_

_Our hearts matured_

_Rather than lover, we were like family_

_Now whatever we do, feels like we already did it_

_You had high expectation_

_And I was really tired_

_Would we be different_

_If we understood each other a little more?_

_…_and then _Tendae_

_Boy I wanna get to know ya know ya___  
As a guy not a friend  
Light my fire that died down, my baby  
Light my fire, my baby

_Baby set me on fyah___  
I miss you today  
I would be nice if I was with you  
I wouldn’t be lonely

_We were friends for a while but it’s the___  
same as the beginning  
I wanna surf on your wavy body  
You’re my dongsaeng, you’re my family  
We’re friends with benefits  
But I wanna stop this weird relationship  
I wanna call you baby but I can’t  
We’re too similar, we get sick of things so fast

_Where is the love?___  
Between you and me?  
Even if one doesn’t know  
The two of us know

_On this lonely night___  
I wanna sleep in your arms  
When the morning sun rises  
We’ll go back to being friends

_I know, we’re just friends___  
I know, we’re practically family  
But why are you holding my hand, baby  
Making me confused

…and then _Alien_

_I can’t ever have you, no no_

_You’re perfect and I’m garbage, u know_

_You don’t even drink_

_We have no way of getting close_

_The way to express you is that_

_You’re an alien, an alien_

_You’re an alien_

_You make it hard for me to approach you_

_Because once the tainted me approaches you_

_I’m afraid you’ll get ruined_

_I don’t wanna love you_

_But I’m loving you right not_

_What if I’m not good enough?_

_I’m becoming shapeless_

_Before it wasn’t a big deal_

_But now I’m smiling like you and am happy_

_Before, I took everything for granted_

_But you change me, my love_

…and then _Secret_

_Can u keep that secret_

_Move your body baby_

_I’ll show you everything today, boy_

_Can you keep that secret_

_Come next to me_

_Take me away so no one can find me_

_Come to me, slowly_

_The night is still young, boy_

_Don’t wanna go home tonight_

_Wanna get to know you more_

_Sitting next to you, not thinking about anything_

…and then _Lean on Me_

_If it’s alright, you can lean on me_

_You can brush off your sadness_

_Because you’re pretty when you smile_

_I can draw you out when I close my eyes_

_You make me happy_

_I wish you would be happy because of me too_

_If only I can make you smile_

_I’m satisfied with my life_

_It’s just, the world should’ve been better to you_

_A pearl like you was stuck in the sand_

_You don’t believe in God but I thank God_

_For sending me a treasure like you_

_Even if it’s now_

_For the first time, I want to cherish someone_

_I can see the future with you_

_So He told me to protect you_

_Whatever weight it is_

_Two is better than one_

_Even if my hands are rough_

_Hold it as tight as you can_

_I’ll be your shoulder_

_You can come into my arms_

_My precious person_

_Cuz baby boy_

_You deserve to be happy_

_Although you’ve broken down right now_

_I’ll raise you up again_

_You can lean on me_

_I’ll be by your side babe_

_After time passes and you look back_

_I’ll make you smile_

_…_and then _Firework_

_I wanna fall into your alluring eyes_

_I wanna kiss and hug you all night_

_I wanna smell your scent_

_Let me be your fireworks all night_

_Paradise in your arms_

_ **This is your song baby** _

_ **I wrote it for you baby** _

_I hope it reaches your ears_

_I pray_

_Let your emotions explode_

_Light my fuse_

_Just stay by my side, hey_

_Close your eyes and come into my arms_

_…I wanna be your sinner_

_Will you trap me next to you_

_…_and lastly, the song he’d been dreading—_In Love. _He had his eyes fully on Hanbin and the latter had his eyes glued on the monitor with no expression to give away anything he’s thinking. _Jiwon could only press play_.

_U never knew how I feel baby___  
When u kissed me u driving me crazy  
Oh u made my life complete  
Oh yes u do  
Oh yes u do my baby boy my baby  
  
When I’m next to you  
The world plays a song for me sometimes  
Even if I hurt you  
Never let go of your hand  
Just let him keep on realize that  
  
That you’re in love that you’re in love  
That you’re in love that you’re in love  
Baby I’m in love  
A love that won’t ever come to me again  
I’m in love yes I’m in love with u  
  
Sometimes, I’m poison to you  
I might give you a hard time baby  
But after time, when you look back  
I hope you’ll be smiling, my baby  
So I can be your last that no one else was  
So come and take my hand  
  
I’ll hold onto you  
When you’re about to collapse  
I’ll be your shoulder  
So you can rest  
I’ll walk with you  
When no one’s there  
I won’t let go of your hand  
I’ll keep telling you  
Baby I’m in love with u  
That I’m in love that I’m in love

__  
That I’m in love that I’m in love  
Baby I’m in love  
(For real)  
A love that won’t ever come to me again  
I’m in love yes I’m in love with u  
  
I know I still lack many things  
I keep making mistakes  
But I just wanna let u know  
That I am just young and Imma fool  
I know I’m not satisfying you right now  
Little baby  
But take a little time for u only one  
You know, baby in I’m love with u  
  
I’m in love  
I’m in love  
Boy I’m in love  
I’m in love  
Just come on and share your love  
A love that won’t ever come to me again  
I’m in love yes I’m in love with u

All the tracks have been played and Jiwon have never felt so nervous in his entire life. Not the audition for YG, not the monthly assessments, not the battles for Show me the Money, not the debut, not the announcing of awards. It was this moment. When he was looking at Hanbin, waiting for what the other’s reaction would be. What he would say, what he would do.

Jiwon didn’t know how long the anticipation was but then Hanbin finally took his eyes away from the monitor, reluctantly looked at Jiwon but then looked away right after.

_ What…_

Hanbin cleared his throat before he spoke, “It was—,“ he cleared his throat again, “It was great, hyung. I liked _Runaway_ the most.”

_ That’s it? That’s all he had to say right after Jiwon had practically wrote eight songs for him?_

The younger suddenly stood up and said, “I, uh, I gotta go now. I promised Jaewon-hyung we’d eat outside for lunch.”

_ Jaewon._ Wow. Of course. Of course it was Jaewon. _How did I not think of that?_ He couldn’t even blame Hanbin for his response (or lack thereof) but he felt like shit nonetheless.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks for listening, Bin.”

“Sure, anytime. Bye, hyung.”

_ Bye, hyung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, don't kill me. I promise the next chapter will be the end of all angst.
> 
> Regarding the songs, I've only included the lyrics that I deemed necessary for you guys to get the gist of what Jiwon was tryna say in case you haven't checked the translation of Jiwon's songs from Love and Fall album. The only complete one was In Love because the entire song just makes me think of Double B.
> 
> Does this chapter feel rushed? I apologize if you think so, I literally just started working on this last night after putting up Chapter 3 and finished it just now and proof-read once. I just really wanted to put this up to celebrate #DoubleB on twitter.


	5. Frsutrated Hyungs With Even More Frustrated Dongsaengs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair Warning: pls don't kill me when you finish reading this. I may have broken one or two promises from you guys sksksk

Jiwon felt lost. Like he was at par with his emotions. _What the hell was that?_ What does he even make out of Hanbin’s reaction? Was that a rejection? Did he even realize it was for him? Jiwon knew that the references were either gender-neutral or outright implied that he was referring to a guy. So, what was wrong? What—

And then it hit him. _Jaewon._ What if it was all because Hanbin didn’t even wanna acknowledge the message of the songs because he had Jaewon now?

_ Wait._ Worst case scenario, Hanbin is straight as a fucking pole. _Oh, shit. _Sure, Hanbin was clingy and touchy with the members and his producer friends who were guys and panics at the prospect of being in close proximity with girls but that could also mean that he was just inexperienced or just awkward. Did he really just assume Hanbin would be in to guys just because he was soft around the edges off-cam?

He sighed in defeat as he thought: _A drink._ He needed a drink. A lot of it. All other shit can wait. He can be unprofessional at least once in his career, right?

He grabbed his phone from his table and called their manager.

_ “Jiwon?”_

“Hey, hyung, did you schedule the meeting with the CEO already?”

_ “I was just about to, why?”_

“Can you schedule it for tomorrow instead of today? I ran into a problem.”

_ “Sure, there should be no problem about it. Need help with anything?”_

“Nah, I can handle it. I’ll call if something comes up though.”

_ “Okay,”_

Ending the call, he dialled the only friend he felt like he could confide in without being fussed over, deadpanned, or walked out on.

“Yo, Dong. You busy?”

_ “Just finished up with dance lessons. Why?”_

“Have anything to do the rest of the day?”

_ “No, not really.”_

“Come by my studio, I need some vodka in me.”

Donghyuk chuckled, _“I figured you’d say that one of these days.”_

Walking into their usual bar, Jiwon had a million things buzzing over his head and he couldn’t wait to be drunk enough just so he could confide about everything to Donghyuk.

They sat at their preferred table in the VVIP section, far from the calm crowd milling about as it was still too early for a pumped up atmosphere.

“Hyung, did you even eat?” came Donghyuk’s snide as they slid in the private little section of the room all the while being served some vodka. Jiwon have always loved beer and would even drink it before bed if he couldn’t sleep but he just needed something stronger.

The _Grey Goose_ was looking all the more enticing in Jiwon’s eyes and Donghyuk could tell which is why he’s a little worried if he’ll be needing back-up. He knew his hyung hadn’t been faring well these past few days according to the members but couldn’t really do much about it himself, what with the extra dance classes on top of his usual vocal lessons with the other members. Today, most of the people in the company were buzzing at the news that Bobby had finished the album and is rumoured to be setting up a meeting with the CEO. So, what brought upon this mopey Jiwon in front of him?

“Yunhyeong practically shoved food in my mouth that could feed an entire village. I am far from thinking about food at the moment.” Jiwon said sulkily as he began to pour drinks on the two glasses that the waiter served.

“Okay, okay. I won’t be up your ass only because I know you’ve had enough of it from the hyungs.” Donghyuk accepted the glass that was passed onto him. He knew that in order to survive this day—possibly all the way to tonight—he’d have to find a way to inform the guys where they are without Jiwon knowing.

After two rounds of drinks, the younger got up from his seat, “Hey, hyung, I’m just gonna head to the restroom.”

Jiwon waved him off silently, busying himself with the third round of drinks.

Inside the restroom, Donghyuk took out his phone and decided that Chanwoo would be the best option in informing their whereabouts.

_ Jiwon-hyung’s with me. We’re at the usual bar. If we don’t come back by night, have Jaeho-hyung pick us up. Don’t tell the hyungs as much as possible._

Coming back to their table, the contents of the bottle had considerably lessened even when he was gone for a minute.

“Slow down, cowboy. Will you tell me what’s with you already?”

Jiwon shook his head steadily. He was annoyingly tolerant with alcohol today, of all days, when he really wanted to be drunk already. “I think I need to finish this bottle before I could manage to even tell you half of it.”

Donghyuk sighed and pinched his nose to calm his inner turmoil. _This is gonna be a long day._ “Okay, hyung.” He said as he poured a new round in their empty glasses. The sooner Jiwon gets drunk, the sooner this’ll all be over and then he could find a way to help his hyung with whatever problem he has.

By the time they’d finished a bottle and a half of _Grey Goose_, Jiwon’s eyes were visibly unfocused now, his sense of balance weakened, and his overall state looking so _done_ with everything. Donghyuk have skipped more than a few glasses just so he’d be sober enough to be the voice of reason for the both of them and actually remembers what they were here for—talk about Jiwon’s problems.

Jiwon have been relatively quiet the entire time, focusing more on getting drunk and now that he has succeeded, the younger deemed it to be the time to strike.

“So, in the mood to enlighten me now?”

Jiwon sighed and shifted his body to lean on his seat, hands flying up to cover his face. “I think I’m in love with Hanbin.”

Donghyuk sputtered his drink at that and Jiwon groaned at the younger’s reaction.

“That was too straight-forward, hyung. Not even an intro? A fucking warning? Jesus. Care to elaborate?”

The rapper poured another drink for himself and downed it. He repeated that two more times before meeting the younger’s eyes. “This is all iKONICs’ fault.”

“O-kaaay. How can those two statements even have anything to do with each other?”

“It was because of them that everything I’ve ever felt about Hanbin, how I saw him, how I react to him held a possibility that maybe I was in love with him for years and haven’t even noticed!” Jiwon exploded and Donghyuk could only try and reign in his shock to nod his encouragement so Jiwon would continue talking. “They made up stories, Dong. Stories that were sometimes based on real events, derived them from actual photos or videos of us. Reading all of those made me panic but it also made me think. I was unconsciously the person Hanbin was rarely seen without. When the attention were on us, I’d complain about his clinginess but when it isn’t, when I thought that nobody was watching us, it was me that almost always initiated skinship. Reading those stories made me realize how fucking obvious it was for everyone to see that I was in love with him except for me. And it scared me! It scared the shit out of me, Dong. I didn’t know what to do with that kind of information, that kind of realization. I’m always slow at things like this and now… now, I think I fucked up.”

Donghyuk sank back on his seat, too. He tried to process everything that Jiwon had said and it was a lot. He couldn’t handle this on his own, he needed their hyungs but he knew Jiwon wouldn’t appreciate that at the moment so he had to try and make sense of it all.

“Okay, let’s take this one by one. First, the stories. What stories? Where’d you find them?” It was the only way Donghyuk could start this conversation.

“From fans.”

“Fan fictions?”

Jiwon nodded.

“Hyung, was that really the first time you’ve encountered fan fictions?”

Jiwon blinked at him, “Yeah. And there are _thousands_ of them. There were even fucking videos.”

“Oh, hyung, you should really interact with the fans more. Every idol group has fans who have made fan fictions out of them. I thought you knew that already since we’ve talked about a few of them.”

The elder’s eyes _bulged._ “You’ve read them?”

Donghyuk shrugged nonchalantly, “Yeah, to kill time. Some of ‘em are really good.”

“B-But… But I’ve read ones with all of us being paired with one another and most of them contained…”

“Smut?”

Jiwon frowned at younger’s unfazed appearance. “Yeah.”

Donghyuk chuckled softly at his hyung’s shocking innocence of the fans’ dark endeavours on social media. “Everyone has read them, hyung. Well, everyone except you, apparently.”

“You guys didn’t feel weird about it?”

“Why would we? It’s not real anyways and some of them contains some really smart plots and storyline.”

Jiwon’s jaw dropped. “So I was just overreacting?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. In your case, you were panicked about it because one way or another, those stories have become real for you or something you wanted to be real. And I’m assuming that’s where Hanbin-hyung fits into all of this.”

Jiwon harshly rubbed his face for the umpteenth time that day, discarding his cap to run his hands through his hair frustratingly. “I… I think you’re actually right.”

“You hyungs really have more issues than us dongsaengs. We seem to be the ones to _actually_ solve your problems.”

“I just can’t bring myself to bring it up to Yunhyeong and Jinan. I feel like they’ve gone through all that trouble just because I’m gay panicking.”

“Speaking of gay panicking, how’d you feel like coming to terms that you’re in love with Hanbin-hyung?”

“It took a lot. I avoided everyone, hid in my studio, even hurt Hanbin. What really gave me the kick that I needed was seeing him with Jaewon.”

“Jaewon-hyung?”

“Yeah. I’ve realized how it used to be me that Hanbin was always with, his bestfriend, his brother. But now, when people say ‘Hanbin’s bestfriend’ they would now associate the phrase with Jaewon. After the careless comment I said on an interview that I hated it when Hanbin became touchy, he withdrew from me a little. I never really noticed it because when I needed Hanbin, he was always there running back to comfort me, and I… I guess I took advantage of that.”

Donghyuk whistled. “Does Hanbin know now? Is that why we’re drinking in broad daylight?”

“Yeah. I finished the album last night. When I got home, he was curled up in my bed after being anxious the entire day about me. I felt guilty and I wanted to tell him then and there but I held back. I told him that I had something to show him the next day and he looked so happy, man. But, when I let him hear the tracks,” Jiwon stopped speaking abruptly and dropped his head in defeat again (he seemed to be doing that a lot these days) and took several breaths before continuing, “After he heard the tracks, he looked at me _cold-heartedly_, said some compliments, and left to have lunch with Jaewon.”

_ Oh, crap._

“Shit, hyung. I’m sorry.”

Jiwon shook and raised his head. He shook his shoulder as if to wake himself up to pour more drinks. “Nah. I guess it happens. Maybe it was my fault for not realizing it sooner, maybe he just didn’t reciprocate and didn’t wanna hurt me by outright rejecting me so he walked out. Or maybe he just doesn’t like me that way.” He tossed back the drink in his throat and thrived at the burn it left on his throat.

Donghyuk, however, was thinking of other things. His hyungs really were stupid, incompetent, and unnecessarily dramatic. _But, Jiwon didn’t have to know that just yet._

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Donghyuk. What the fuck happened?” Junhoe hissed at the pair, one of them looking more drunk than the other but both still visibly incoherent and unstable. They were in huge couches and yet they look like they’ll still fall over.

There’s nothing more Junhoe wanted to do at the moment than calling Jinhwan. The eldest would most likely yell at them to sobriety. But, Jiwon would beat the shit out of him if he knew that he had told the hyungs what they did. It was currently seven in the evening and Chanwoo started worrying when none of the two answered their phone and didn’t wanna disturb their managers because they were currently busy with the preparation of Jiwon’s solo. But the soon-to-be solo artist was here looking absolutely wrecked. Junhoe had never seen his hyung like this even when they all drank more than ideal for an idol group. He already had a hunch of what caused this but nothing was confirmed.

“Junhoeee,” the older of the two whined at the voice of his dongsaeng, making grabby hands at him. _Jiwon was _definitely_ drunk._

“Hey, hyung. Wanna head home?” he said instead and held the waiting hands.

Donghyuk’s head perked up at the prospect of _home_. “We’re going home?!” he exclaimed, like the possibility of going home in his state was surprising.

“Yeah, c’mon. Let’s get you both in bed while Chanwoo is getting the hyungs preoccupied,” he had said, as gently as he could when all he ever wanted to do was shout at them and bang their head together.

“Nooooo,” the older whined again. Apparently, _home_ wasn’t in his train of thought and didn’t want it to be, “Junhoe-ya, come drink with us.”

“You know I’d drink with you guys any day but the hyungs are gonna have all of our heads if they discovered we’ve been drinking. Especially you, Jiwon-hyung.”

The rapper pouted and his eyes looked a little glassy—Junhoe thought he was gonna throw up the sight. “Why meeee?” Jesus Christ, wasn’t whining supposed to be Hanbin-hyung’s forte? Why does it seem like it’s been passed on to Jiwon?

“Because you have a solo coming up, dummy. D’you want your abs and face look bloated on filming? D’you want your voice damaged?”

Jiwon looked like he was about to argue but couldn’t get his mind to work on an argument, “No.”

“See? Now, why don’t we get you home and tucked in bed. The hyungs are gonna be disappointed if they caught you,”

“Can I stay here?” Donghyuk chimed. _Great._ Junhoe can’t seem to get a break with these two.

Junhoe looked conflicted with getting Jiwon home but leaving Donghyuk here already drunk. But, Donghyuk was always very much conscious of his actions—drunk or not. He’d just have to leave one bodyguard here and come back for him. “Okay, but no more hard liquor for you. I’ll have a waiter get you your favorite wine.”

Donghyuk beamed at him, “Thanks.”

Junhoe rolled his eyes and heaved Jiwon so he’d get up from the table safely. He didn’t wanna damage his hyung’s face right before he was about to have a solo debut.

After he talked to one of the waiters about Donghyuk’s wine, they were already heading out where Woohyuk-hyung and two bodyguards were waiting inside their car. Hauling Jiwon inside was tough but he managed… barely. Junhoe asked one of the bodyguards to accompany Donghyuk inside but warned the guy to never let Donghyuk know he was even there. Sunshine Donghyuk can get really stormy when tested.

Jiwon practically passed out in the car and Junhoe had time to mull things over. He definitely had to tell the elders one way or another some time but he didn’t know how without anyone being bitchy about it. His hyungs were proving to be a pain in the ass more often these days.

Back in the bar Donghyuk had long since forgotten the vodka and settled into his wine. It was pure bliss and he was contented at the peace he had gotten. The past few days were a blur as he was constantly on the run with added dance classes and more sessions of vocal lessons since he’d decided to sharpen his skills to at least help Hanbin when it came to choreography, especially as they planned on releasing a full album next year after months of hiatus.

His blissful bubble, however, was obnoxiously popped when his phone rang with a customized ring he had for one person only. He picked up the call and he, honest to goodness, didn’t mean to sound _that _seductive, “Hey, miss me?”

_ “Yeah. Things have been weird here lately and it made me miss your peacefulness even more.”_

Donghyuk chuckled at the hint of whining the other had emitted as he was always known as such a manly man in the industry, “Come join me here then. I’m at the bar and drowning my hyungs’ sorrows in wine.”

The guy cooed, _“Aww, you alone in there?”_

“Oh, shut up and just come here.”

_ “Alright, alright. Calm down, hot stuff. Are you drunk already?”_

“I’ve been drunk since high noon. And _you_ are one of the reasons why.”

_ “Me?!” _another laugh came out of Donghyuk at the indignant squawk, _“What did I do?”_

“Maybe if you get your ass down here already, I’d actually spill some.”

_ “Speed walking as we speak.”_

Apparently, the speed walking bit wasn’t a joke as the guy came into the booth with a heaving chest, gorgeously mussed hair, and sinful beads of sweat running down his temple to his equally sinful neck. Donghyuk was more than half-drunk but he could recognize that blinding smile anywhere, anytime.

“Hey, beautiful,” the man greeted when he finally had control over his breathing.

“Hey to you, too, handsome.”

“What?! Jiwon’s been drunk since noon and no one even bothered shooting a text to either of us?” Yunhyeong snapped in his place in the downstairs apartment’s living room with a pacing Jinhwan in front of him and an unfazed Junhoe in the single couch.

“Calm down, hyung. It’s not a big deal.”

Yunhyeong looked at him like he had grown two heads. “Wanna know what the big deal is? That _both_ Jiwon and _Hanbin_ is currently drunk.”

The youngest of the three stilled and looked up at his hyung, “What?”

“Chanwoo and I were planning to surprise Hanbin and Jinhwan in the studio to ask them if they wanna have some drink with us but turns out Hanbin, Jinhwan, and Jaewon were already drinking in Jaewon’s apartment. Getting him to come home was the biggest challenge of all and he didn’t even say what happened. His usual blabby self when drunk didn’t even come out and he just looked… empty. I was fucking worried and when I got him home and tucked into bed, Chanwoo finally confessed that Jiwon and Donghyuk were possibly still out drinking, too,” Yunhyeong relayed the day’s less than peachy events. It was Jinhwan’s turn to sit in the couch and lean his head back as it was throbbing murderously. _These kids will be the death of him._

Junhoe closed his eyes in sudden frustration.

“I just can’t think of what could've possibly went wrong. This morning, Jiwon looked positively better compared to the past few days and I was overjoyed when he told me that he had finished the album. He even told me we could come and have a listen to ‘em tonight but look at where we are now.”

“Maybe something went wrong with the songs?” Jinhwan said after being so quiet the entire time.

“But that wouldn’t explain why _Hanbin_ was drinking. It’s _Hanbin_, hyung. He rarely ever drinks and only does so when he’s happy. And he did _not_ look happy to me.”

Jinhwan was worried now and Junhoe could easily tell when the eldest was so close to breaking so he stood up from his seat and went over to Jinhwan. “Okay, don’t get too worked up, hyung, or else we wouldn’t find a way to solve any of this,” he tried his best to comfort the other even when he always sucked at it but Jinhwan always sympathized his dorky efforts. “Where’s Chanwoo, anyway?” attempting to change the topic would get them to at least stop worrying about the two drunk rappers.

“He was tackled by Hanbin to cuddle him to sleep. How about Donghyuk?”

“He stayed in the bar.”

Jinhwan’s head perked up from leaning into Junhoe’s shoulder. “Donghyuk!”

“What about him?”

“He could know what’s been going on! Jiwon always tells him everything!”

Yunhyeong froze for a moment, “You’re right. I should go there and talk to him.”

“Me too. Junhoe, stay here and look after Jiwon. We’ll be back.” Jinhwan said.

“Okay, hyung. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

Jinhwan merely nodded. He was really thankful that he had Yunhyeong to help him in times like these. He didn’t think he could deal being the eldest all on his own without breaking down.

The ride to the bar was suffocating and the two were visibly vibrating in their seat and jumped when the familiar establishment was already in sight and they parked. It was night now, so the bar was already thriving and the music reverberating were becoming lively by the second. The two eldest flew up the stairs towards the VVIP section and were sauntering off to the table they usually had whenever they came.

They’ve prepared themselves mentally of what was about to happen, Donghyuk’s possible half-drunk state, what the younger would say, finding out everything. They passed by the familiar body guard that Junhoe must’ve instructed to look after Donghyuk and was just about to ignore him as they were desperate to talk to the younger already but they were suddenly stopped by the guy for a word.

“I think I should tell you before you go in there,” the body guard had started.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Yunhyeong swore he was gonna explode on the spot if something happned to Donghyuk when they’ve already got two drunken rappers at home.

“Not… really. But I think you should know he’s not alone.”

“What do you mean?” Jinhwan was confused. Donghyuk _loved_ drinking alone because he could only savor alone time through it and was always the rewind he needed.

“Someone came to have a drink with him.” And then the body guard moved to the side and opened the half drawn curtain of the booth.

They’ve been prepared for everything but the sight that greeted them was definitely not something they were expecting: Two bottles of whiskey and one bottle of wine empty and discarded, and there Donghyuk was… half on top of someone who was vaguely familiar but they couldn’t quite make out who due to the dark atmosphere and the fact that Donghyuk was almost right by his face because the younger was _kissing_ the guy who had his arms wrapped around him for support.

“Oh my _God_, KIM DONGHYUK!”

The two bodies on the couch froze at the voice Jinhwan had let out. Donghyuk moved away from the guy to face him and the guy was soon revealed as…

_ “Jaewon?!”_ The two eldest exclaimed in unison.

The two smiled sheepishly and Donghyuk had a big, stupid grin plastered in his face as he greeted them, “Hyung.”

_ Did this household really hold this much surprises and dramas?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve really put off everything aside working on this fic. The amount of attention and love this fic as well as I have received was overwhelming and made me melt. Comments and Kudos really helps motivate in writing. I do hope this fic is meeting—perhaps, maybe even exceeding—your expectations! xoxo
> 
> Ok so I did break a few promises about the angst ending and finally having some fluff or smut but I think the story needs this kind of build just so it settles right. So starting today, I'm not gonna make any more promises except that I am constantly working on the fic so I can update more often. Luckily, I'm still not busy with school and just rotting in the house so I get to put up more chapters everyday.


	6. Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've worked on this rather frustratingly just because I wanted everything to be perfect. But then my vocabulary really aint that wide and deep to begin with and is absolute trash so please have some pity. This longer than all of the other chapters (I'm making up for the broken promises of ending angst and finally having a moment's respite from the boys' dramas).

_ “Hey, beautiful,” the man greeted when he finally had control over his breathing._

_ “Hey to you, too, handsome.”_

Jaewon slid in around the table and snuggled close to Donghyuk, leaning his head into the younger’s shoulder to breathe in his scent and wrapping his arms around. Donghyuk continued on sipping his drink while patting the rapper’s cheek.

“Seemed like you had a bit of drinking, too.” Donghyuk softly hummed with the older having buried himself more on his neck.

“Yeah. When Hanbin came back from Bobby’s studio, he looked pale and in great shock. Jinhwan and I tried to get him to talk but when he finally spoke, all he’d said was he wanted to drink. I knew how anxious he gets when brought to clubs or bars so I suggested we’d have a drink at my apartment.” Jaewon paused to hook his chin up to Donghyuk’s shoulder who urged him to continue talking, “He never said anything, and merely drank himself to sleep. I didn’t know what to do. Yunhyeong and Chanwoo came to take him home, Bin put up a fight but he still managed to look _lifeless_. Eventually, he gave up and went home. That was the first time I’ve ever seen him like that. I wanted to help him but I didn’t know how. Whenever he had problems or was feeling low, he’d just needed a cuddle or some attention but now…”

Donghyuk sighed and moved to cup his cheeks, “I know you’re not used to Hanbin-hyung like that but it’s only because he had Jiwon-hyung before. They’re in a bad place right now and none of us could ever solve that. It’s for them to work on and them alone or else there’d just be more damage if we interfered. I know you’re worried, I am, too. Those two can be really stupid sometimes but they always find a way to resolve things. So, stop pouting and kiss me.”

And that’s exactly what Jaewon did. Donghyuk really had such calming powers he doesn’t even think the guy knew he possessed. He rarely ever loses his patience when he knew the people around him needed a safe haven they could find comfort in.

Their relationship was always relatively calm, except in bed (but let’s not go there yet) and Jaewon couldn’t even express how grateful he was for having the younger as his.

Jaewon sighed in between their kisses, feeling content and much calmer now. All he really needed was Donghyuk.

But, soon the kiss has evolved from comforting to overwhelmingly heated and rough. Jaewon’s tongue soon made its way into Donghyuk’s mouth and the younger could only let out a small moan at the gesture.

A sudden thought came to Jaewon’s mind that made him stop.

“Wait,” he gasped out and couldn’t help smiling a little at the younger’s whine.

“What?”

Jaewon placed a hand on Donghyuk’s cheek lovingly, his eyes wandering all over the younger’s face all flushed red, half-lidded bloodshot eyes, and plump pouting lips, “Why were _you_ drinking? And why’d you said _I_ was one of the reasons why you were drinking?”

A mischievous glint passed on the younger’s eyes at having recalled the answers to Jaewon’s questions. “Jiwon-hyung asked me to come drink with him. Long story short, when he got drunk he confessed why he’s been dodgy lately, especially to Hanbin-hyung.”

The singer was such a tease sometimes, leaving off all the juicy bits just wanting to be forced to spill. “And why is that? I have a right to know since I am the one who has a handful of pouty and snappy Hanbin in the studio all the time, moping about Bobby.”

Donghyuk decided to be more of a tease and finished his wine painfully slow before answering, “Jiwon’s in love with Hanbin,” he said simply and Jaewon’s mind went blank.

“Bo… Bobby?”

Donghyuk wiggled his eyebrows, “Yep! Guess what made him realize that.”

“What?”

“Guess.”

Jaewon’s hands flew up the air in frustration at his lover’s teasing, “For fuck’s sake, no more guessing.”

“Alright, alright, alright.” Donghyuk chuckled behind his wine glass and set it down to situate his head on top of his hand. “There were more reasons, obviously, but what pushed him over the edge was jealousy.”

“Jealousy? C’mon, babe, just finish the damn bedtime story.”

Donghyuk really was having fun at his frustrated Jaewon. “He was jealous of you.”

_ “ME?!”_

“Yep,” he said, the _p_ making a popping sound.

“But, why?”

“I can understand the confusion. They don’t really know about our relationship and we’ve never really been that _showy_ with it. Seeing as how you were always with Hanbin-hyung, producing songs late through the night, it’s not that hard to believe you guys would be in a relationship. Jiwon-hyung wrote almost his entire album full of confessions for Hanbin-hyung, the guy even let him listen to it first but I don’t think Hanbin got the message. After that, he stood up, said some compliments, and left saying he was gonna have lunch with you.”

Jaewon processed all of this and his head throbbed at the realization and implication of what all of this meant. “He thinks Hanbin chose me over him?”

“That’s what I’d think.”

“_Christ_. Hanbin _adores_ Jiwon. What the fuck made him think that there was a relationship between us?”

“As I said, they can be really stupid.”

Jaewon slid back to his position earlier, leaned his throbbing head on Donghyuk’s shoulder as the younger continued to drink his wine, “Babe,” he called out softly.

Donghyuk hummed and settled his wine glass on the table again to give his full attention on Jaewon’s needy voice, “What?”

“Take my mind off of these thoughts,” he said looking up to look at Donghyuk in the eyes almost pleadingly. Jaewon was never one who deals with any sort of problem—directly or indirectly connected to him—with as much ease and calm like Donghyuk, and always avoided them to find peace elsewhere. And Donghyuk was _his_ peace.

“Oh, baby,” Donghyuk momentarily cooed and shifted their position so he was almost on top of him. He held Jaewon’s face for a moment and peppered kisses on them. The little charming smile that broke through Jaewon’s face melted him further and finally settled on his lips.

He felt the fatigue that was days of constant practice, his hyungs’ less than subtle dramas, and barely having any alone time with Jaewon thaw and he felt like he was _home_. Their shared moments didn’t always felt like fireworks, blazing passion, and hearts racing, more often than not it felt like he was home—comfortable, peaceful, and a sense of belongingness. It was perfect, really. There were ups and downs but with the two constantly avoiding any possible problems that affects their relationship lessened those. They could only wish the same for their hyungs.

But that didn’t mean they were all cupcakes and rainbow. Donghyuk may be all sunshine and innocent in front of fans but he was far from it in closed doors, _especially_ when he’s with Jaewon. What could he say? The guy was straight out of his wet dream. The tattoos, predatory demeanor, and ease in dominance made Donghyuk break away from his sense of control and reserved self, and instead found solace in the roughness they share in their intimate moments.

Tonight was no different. Although Donghyuk had Jaewon straddled, the firm, almost bruising, grip of the rapper’s hands on his waist still reminded him of who was in control. The grunts that Jaewon let out, mixed with Donghyuk’s beautiful and intoxicating moans, was enough to let the older almost lose control.

Donghyuk knew just how to get Jaewon undone. As he made his way down Jaewon’s jaw leaving a trail of wet, sloppy, kitten licks and going further down to his neck with open mouthed kisses, he could feel Jaewon’s hands heading not so subtly on his thighs and kneading them with each kiss and lick. Whispered lewd words exchanged with panted breaths and sweating bodies.

“We really shouldn’t do this here, babe,” Donghyuk said in between roughly attacking his lips.

It was Jaewon’s turn to attack his neck and the guy never felt so thankful that Donghyuk was on hiatus so a hickey or two wouldn’t hurt anyone. Donghyuk _keened_ at the ministrations.

Licking at the newly bruised neck, Jaewon faced Donghyuk and grinned dopily at him, “I know. But doesn’t it just make it more exciting to be doing this here?” As he was saying that, a warm hand had snaked through beneath Donghyuk’s shirt, roaming his hands in what used to be a calming manner but proved to be Donghyuk’s last straw and gone were the fear of being discovered. The curtains were half-drawn anyway and VVIP section wasn’t as crowded.

His lips found its way back on Jaewon’s and the growing need had spiralled to something uncontrollable. He grinded his hips down his lover’s lap just how he knew Jaewon loved and thrived on.

Just when Jaewon’s hands were heading to grope his ass, a scandalised shout was heard from a less than currently ideal distance from them. “Oh my _God_, KIM DONGHYUK!”

_ “Uh-oh,” _Jaewon whispered mischievously and the comment only earned a pinch in his neck but the grin never left his face as he winced.

Donghyuk turned to face the two who undoubtedly have more than a few words to spit. He would’ve laughed if it weren’t for the situation at his hyungs’ reaction at the sight of him settling back down to the couch from sitting on Jaewon’s lap.

_ “Jaewon?!”_

_ Well, looks like had more explaining to do._

“What’s the meaning of this?” Yunhyeong demanded. The two clearly weren’t as drunk as they thought so the possibility of a mistaken hook-up was off the table.

Donghyuk smiled a little, so innocent, so sweet, so… _fucking_ _deceiving. The little shit._

“Relax, hyung. Take a seat ‘cause you look like you’re about to fall over.” Donghyuk was making them look paranoid with how calm his demeanor appeared. Jaewon, however, remained quiet and letting them set the conversation.

“What’s going on between you two?” Jinhwan asked, more calmed now as he was seated. The two mother hens had taken into sitting at both corners, making all exits of the C-shaped couch for the two blocked.

Donghyuk shrugged nonchalantly and met him square in the eyes as he said, “He’s my boyfriend,” he said that like he was talking about some movie they were watching not like revealing something news-worthy.

“You’ve been in a relationship and you haven’t told any of us?” Yunhyeong said, looking a little too hurt at the thought that most of his dongsaengs weren’t confiding in him anymore.

Donghyuk felt a little guilty seeing his hyung hurt and decided that he’d make up for it with comforting words instead of snapping at him which he was tempted to do as he was forcefully cut off in the middle of dry-humping his boyfriend and was left achingly hard now. “It hasn’t even been that long, hyung. I swear. We just wanted a quiet and peaceful start in our relationship before we told anyone. It wasn’t entirely a secret, but I do admit we weren’t being obvious about it for a reason we hoped you would understand.”

Jaewon placed a reassuring hand on Donghyuk’s thigh and the simple act made both hyungs heads snap. But the two held such genuine affection for one another that they decided to back off a little bit.

“How long have you been seeing each other?” Yunhyeong asked while Jinhwan ordered some whiskey because he needed a drink and he’ll be damned if he didn’t get one tonight.

“After YG asked Jiwon-hyung about a solo debut. Hyung was always busy right after and I was kind of bored. You guys were too… _energetic_ when we’re out compared to Jiwon being really chill drinking so I opted to drink on my own. It was in this bar actually, we met, had a few drinks, conversations were made, we hit it off, one thing led to another and we’re dating.” Donghyuk kept it as vague as possible, his hyungs had a tendency to spill more than was necessary in any conversation so it was safer to be as private as possible. He and Jaewon were really private individuals when it comes to things like this.

“Alright, I won’t pry any longer _but_,” Yunhyeong held a finger up, “_you,_” he pointed to Jaewon whose eyes widened a little, “will come for dinner tomorrow. Hanbin and Donghyuk knows you but I barely know anything about you. I’ll have to see if you pass the entire family’s qualifications.”

Donghyuk rolled his eyes. His hyungs were really overbearing sometimes and they’re not even ashamed of it. Just because his mother told them to watch out for him didn’t mean they’d _be_ _his pseudo-mothers_. When he was about to call them out on that, however, he was a little shocked at Jaewon’s unfazed response. “Sure, it would clear a lot of air. Especially for Jiwon.”

_ “Jiwon?”_

With a sigh, Donghyuk dove back in to relay what had happened, what Jiwon confessed, Hanbin’s reaction, and Jaewon’s involvement to all of that. Their reactions were much better restrained as they listened to him talk as calmly as possible, wanting to soak in all of the information without disturbance. Jinhwan occasionally tossed a shot in down his throat but other than that, he was nothing but attentive.

After the story-telling, Jinhwan (unsurprisingly) finished half the bottle.

_ “Shit,”_ the eldest muttered.

Hanbin was beyond devastated but didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t have the right to be sad about it, and the fact that he was, made him feel shittier.

_ Of course. It all makes sense now._

He knew there would come a time where Jiwon would love someone—someone that wasn’t him. Hanbin thought he’d gotten over that sad truth. But, now that it was slammed in his face, it felt like he was… hollow. _Jiwon was in love._ What does he do with that realization? He only felt guilty.

Now, everything made sense. From the way Jiwon seemed to retract more from him, distanced himself from him, and showing him the music first. It was his way of putting the inevitable wall they’d have to put up since he was in a relationship now. Hanbin had always been touchy and people oftentimes mistook that for having a relationship with Jiwon as they were _always _together. Jiwon must’ve struggled how to tell Hanbin that he had someone he loved and needed him to back off.

Hanbin understood that. He _really_ did. He knew he ought to feel happy for the guy and be selfless. In a way, he had Jiwon for years, even as friends. He’d always protected Hanbin, took care of him even when he could be bull-headed at timea, he’d been Hanbin’s confidante, Hanbin’s first crush, and now he was Hanbin’s first heart break. And it was no fault of his so Hanbin could never bring himself to hate the guy just because he didn’t reciprocate.

In conclusion, Hanbin wasn’t angry, not in the slightest. He just felt sad and empty. _Well, sadder and emptier than usual._ But this was the kind of sad that he hasn’t experienced before. Hanbin had zero experiences in dating, much less heartbreak. He fooled around here and there but never seriously. He’s only ever loved, albeit one-sidedly. But that was it. He didn’t know what he should do to go back to how he usually was, and he was reluctant in confiding with the members or even Jaewon. Raesung was a great listener though, but he doubted the guy had that much to offer as he was much like Hanbin when it comes to relationship experiences.

The morning after drinking with Jaewon and Jinhwan, Chanwoo had gotten out of his bed to take a shower so Hanbin used the time he had to put his jacket, shoes, mask and hat on, and hurriedly left the apartment. He wasn’t ready for the guys’ intervention and questions as he didn’t really know what to answer them.

So he did what he did best—hide in his studio, wrote some lyrics, and incorporated them with one of the many beats he had in his folder. Hanbin was even amazed at the easier than usual flow of lyrics in his mind. Now that he knew what it really felt to be heartbroken and not rely on poems and dramas, it was a bittersweet advantage in his work.

Three hours passed and his re-arranging of beats were interrupted as his phone vibrated on his desk. It was Jaewon.

Hanbin sighed, shook himself to be more awake, and coughed before he answered with trying to sound his usually sweet yet whiny self, “Hyung!” but even to him, his voice sounded strained and off. He could only cross his fingers that Jaewon hadn’t picked up on that.

_ “Binnie, where you at? I’m kind of bored,”_ Jaewon answered trying to seem nonchalant but Hanbin knew the guy just wanted to keep him company. And Hanbin wasn’t really up for that.

“I’m actually a bit busy, hyung. I even had to cancel the practice for this morning. But, I think Donghyuk could more than keep you occupied now.” Hanbin knew about the relationship of the two but never really outright confronted them and only waited for the two to confirm and be open with it.

Jaewon chuckled a little, _“He had a handful of me last night, so he got rid of me this morning and decided to have a vocal lesson and dance class so he could sleep early for once.”_

Hanbin smiled fondly. At least they were happy. And when his friends were happy, he was happy. Still a little lonely but that didn’t really matter. “Oh yeah? Go bother Raesung in his studio then. I’m sure the guys are there.”

_ “The guys are a bit busy working on polishing Bobby’s tracks since the presentation will be this afternoon,”_ even Jaewon seemed to freeze at the realization of what he just said and Hanbin could only wince and try to act unfazed as he struggled to control his emotions at hearing Jiwon’s name.

“Oh. You can come over then,” he said simply and actually sounded pretty stable.

_ “On my way.”_

Hanbin dropped the call and fell back on his chair to groan inwardly but he remembered that he was still alone so he groaned frustratingly out loud. He really didn’t wanna see anyone but at the same time, he didn’t wanna worry them further. His spontaneous drinking yesterday had already done that, so he had to act like there was nothing to it.

Jaewon must’ve been close by—probably walked Donghyuk to his vocal lessons—as the knock had come in sooner and a head poked its way into his studio.

He tried to smile brightly, “Hey, hyung.”

“Binnieee,” the rapper was sounding more whiny than usual and that actually pulled a genuine smile from him. “Whatcha doin?” he said as he sat down on the spare chair, sounding like the girl from Phineas and Ferb.

He turned back on his computer and said, “Working on some new songs.”

“Ooooh, lemme hear!” the older rapper excitingly said.

“It’s still raw and needs more lyrics but…” He shrugged and played the music. Soft melodies flooded the studio and his less than groggy voice reverberated as his demo played. The two relaxed on their chairs and listened attentively on the lyrics, the beats, and the overall feel of the music.

_As I’ve lived my life making memories meeting you_

_The closer we get, the more I swallow my heart_

_Because I know the blazing flames will go away easily_

_We’re still living our best moments_

_Someone that I don’t want to lose_

_To you who is that person, what do you feel?_

_When I look at you_

_I want to kiss your lips_

_You’re a good person to me_

_So don’t come any closer_

_I want to see you for a long time_

_Let’s just stay this way_

_To be honest, I adore you_

_I adore you a lot_

_For me to be able to hide this truth_

_Hug me without talking_

The first demo ended and the second one played…

_Don’t let me know_

_I love you so much_

_Even if you meet someone_

_you want to brag about_

_I don’t know_

_I’m worried about if I’ll be able to meet_

_anyone as sweet as you_

_I know. All the moments we had together_

_You’ll share it with him now_

_Please don’t let me know_

_Still in my heart (in my heart)_

_You fill it up (you fill it)_

_Somebody else (someone else)_

_Can’t fill it_

The second one ended and silence followed. Hanbin was apprehensive at first. He didn’t know what or how Jaewon would make to understand the songs. Hanbin didn’t offer any explanation and remained silent as he fiddles with his mouse. Jaewon, on the other hand, looked he was having an internal battle but thought better of it.

“You comin’ to the presentation later?” he asked instead and Hanbin felt cornered just from one seemingly harmless inquiry.

“Nah. I didn’t have anything to do with album so my presence wouldn’t really be needed.”

Jaewon was _frustrated._ The younger had said that he refused to go to the presentation because _he didn’t have anything to do with the album_. The actual fuck. Hanbin had _everything_ to do with the album because it was written _for him._ But Jaewon couldn’t and shouldn’t say that because it wasn’t his place but he was damned if he let his best friend be this unnecessarily lonely.

So, Jaewon tried a different approach. Hanbin had always taken professionalism very seriously so that was where he could attack the leader with.

He knitted his eyebrows looking as perplexed as he could to really try to convince Hanbin as he said, “You should go, Bin. Bobby’s solo is a big deal in the company. You guys have been on a very long hiatus, his album will be watched closely by the board executives and critics alike once out. Your participation, or even your presence, would serve as a way to reassure them that you support your members going solo, especially as Bobby’s leader. Without you present, a few eyebrows would raise and question the stability of the attempted solo debut. The board does love its artists showing more professionalism than what was expected from them.”

Hanbin flinched and froze, he was clearly thinking about it. In the end, he sighed in defeat as too much refusal could lead to him being strange, “Fine. But you’re coming with me.”

_ Uh-oh._ Bobby wouldn’t like that. The older still didn’t know he already had a relationship with Donghyuk and seeing him—the guy he was apparently jealous of—with Hanbin—the guy he loved—in the same space as him could upset him further.

“I-I’ll try,” _did he really have to stammer?!_ Hanbin raised an eyebrow and peered at him. Fortunately, he was saved by his phone ringing. Donghyuk was calling him and he thought how thankful he was for the guy and loved him all the more for his impeccable timing. “Donghyuk’s calling. I’m just gonna take this call outside.”

Hanbin nodded and waved him off.

“Babe, I really, really, really love you,” he sputtered in a breathless way as he answered the call.

_ “O-kaaay, what happened?”_

“Hanbin’s being so sad and sentimental that he wrote two rough demos in a span of what I assume would be a couple of hours.”

Jaewon could hear the other sigh and said worriedly, _“What am I going to do with him? The hyungs called me a while ago, said they were really worried when Chanwoo returned from showering for like five minutes and Hanbin was already gone. I told them you’re with him in the studio now.”_

“Oh, don’t worry too much. I’ll make sure he eats something. Besides, he just agreed he’d go to Bobby’s presentation of tracks but, uh, there’s a catch,”

_ “What is it?”_

“He wants me to go with him. Knowing that it would only serve to upset Bobby, I was debating on refusing him but Hanbin would question my reluctance. I don’t know what to do now.”

Donghyuk hummed as if he was contemplating on something, _“Actually, I think it would be better if you go.”_

“What?! What good would that do other than rile up Bobby’s jealousy.”

_ “Well, seeing you with Hanbin-hyung would trigger him again and if you’d look protective and possessive of him, which I’m sure Hanbin-hyung wouldn’t really bat an eye on, he’d lose it. It could make him grow some balls and talk to Hanbin. And I’ll butter him up about it before the presentation.”_

Jaewon was sceptical but he trusted Donghyuk’s scheming as he was surprisingly very adept in things like this. “You sure?”

_ “Uh-huh. Trust me.”_

“Fine. But, if something happens during the presentation that could affect Bobby’s solo, I swear to God, I’ll sit them both down myself and tell them everything about each other. Damn propriety and all that bullshit.”

The younger chuckled at his impatient outburst, _“And in behalf of the rest of iKON, I give you permission to do so.”_

Jiwon was… a mess. A complete, utter mess. But, he decided that _fuck it._ He was gonna do this presentation with more determination than before. Hanbin may not be there to appreciate it as much as he’d hoped the younger would but there was no changing that and he’d have to be a man and suck it up. _Or so he tries to say to himself._

“Jiwon, can I go to the meeting with you?” Jinhwan asked, snapping him out of his trance. The eldest was fussing over him with what he ate or if he ate enough, choosing and checking his outfit for the presentation, and whatnot. Jiwon was a little confused and worried why the hyung was there as he was usually on the lookout for the younger rapper.

Well, it looked like his little escapade to the bar yesterday proved to be a bigger pain in the ass.

“Nah, Yang says to have as limited people as possible—mostly producers and some directors. I’ll call you when it’s done though. Then we can camp on my studio and finally give you guys a listen on the tracks.” It was the least he could do for his hyungs. He refused to be distant with them again as he wouldn’t know what to do with himself anymore other than wallow himself in sadness more than he already is. He needed them. He already felt like he lost one of his brothers but he’ll be damned if he lost anyone else just because he was acting like some emo teenage boy.

The smile Jinhwan gave him was enough to get him through the day, “That would be lovely. I’ll have Yun pack up some snacks and we’ll have some family time there. God knows we won’t be having that again for at least two months after you get started with preparing for the solo debut.”

He doubted they’d even have a _complete_ family night later on but he never said anything along that line and instead smiled back at him with a nod.

Jaeho was waiting outside the building with the car with Woohyuk and some other body guards. Having finally privacy ever since he woke up to a bright and sunny Donghyuk, he could finally let out a proper, deep breath. Jiwon didn’t know if he felt suffocated or what.

_ Meh, who was he kidding, he was feeling sick and more shitty than usual._

Jiwon dreaded the presentation but also wanted to get it over with. At least after that he’d busy himself with vocal lessons, dance practices, and final recording.

Thinking back to last night, he was really grateful for how Donghyuk took his less than stellar confession. So, as a little show of gratitude, he was thinking of asking Dong to feature on one of his tracks—_Secret_, along with one female artist. It more than benefited Jiwon though as he was thinking over who would best suit the feel and range of the track and Donghyuk was perfect for it.

He was also thinking of including Mino, he was planning for it to be like a little reunion of MOBB after its short-lived glory. The older rapper was really supportive of him and always looks out for him so he’d want nothing but having him part of his album.

His phone rang and he answered without even looking who it was, “’Lo?”

_ “Hey, hyung,”_

“’Sup, Dong?”

_ “Look, I know you’re not in a good place right now, but I hope you pull yourself together and take it day by day.”_

“Thanks, man,”

_ “And you can always talk to him, you know. You two should have a proper conversation.”_

“I doubt he’ll want to, but we’ll see.”

_ “Okay. But I really think talking would help.”_

“I’ll try, okay?”

_ “Okay.”_

With a sad turn, he briefly hoped that he’d get to ask Hanbin to feature, too, if his reaction to the tracks were close to Jiwon’s expectations but he didn’t think it’d be possible.

“Bobby,” Jaeho softly tapped his shoulder. He hadn’t realized they already arrived, being fully immersed in his bottomless pit of self-pity.

The walk and ride in the elevator to where the meeting will be held was relatively spent in quietness and order. Jiwon was inwardly chanting to himself, praying that no one, especially Hanbin, would see him. He didn’t think he could interact with anyone at the moment.

They entered the meeting room and most of the people invited to the presentation were already present. Talking by the left side of the table, huddled together, were Raesung, Seung, Kang Uk Jin, Choice 37, Diggy, Mino—

Jiwon’s heart sank at the sight of Hanbin and Jaewon in the far corner of the room. Hanbin was in a swivel chair with a mask and hat on so he couldn’t really see much of his face, and Jaewon was right beside him who seemed to be whispering something to the younger. For what, Jiwon didn’t wanna know any further. He looked away and surged forward inside the room.

Some greetings were exchanged, but the two in the corner seemed to be too immersed in their conversation. The rise and fall of Hanbin’s shoulder looked rather… _unstable._ But, Jiwon took his attention away from them and set up the presentation of tracks. Nothing fancy really, just a brief introduction and concepts for each track so they could discuss which ones were eligible for the title track.

Yang Hyun Suk and his brother came in, stoic and professional. The former was more laid back in his stance compared to the latter, though, but the same domineering feeling they give off were heavily present in the atmosphere of the room.

The presentation was smooth. Occasional feedbacks here and there, some suggestions for the concept, and which songs were candidates for title track. Informing them about the featuring he had planned were greeted with affirmation, too.

Nothing really could go wrong. Except for the fact that he couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances over the two. Jaewon never left his right hand on the younger—be it in Hanbin’s neck, his shoulders, the small of his back, looped around his body to rest on his arm, or his thighs. And Jiwon was… _itching_, to say the least.

“The tracks will all be a go. Send me the final recording and I’ll decide which will be chosen for title track. Jaeho, set up a meeting with the creative directors and producers to come up with a more flawless concept for the songs. Keep me updated at all times with every development and we’ll move from there. And, lastly, Hanbin,” the room fell silent as the eyes shifted over the silent rapper by the corner whose head was now raised and eyes going over the room, gazes met with Jiwon, and finally settle on their CEO, “I want you to guide Bobby as much as possible with the tasks you do on practices, final recordings, and promotions.” The young leader merely bowed in affirmation.

The brief meeting of their eyes had Jiwon’s hair at the back of his neck rise. _What the fuck was that._ Hanbin looked cold, somewhat detached, and unfeeling. He looked so distant and his eyes hadn’t held the usual glimmer of its black orbs, instead he was met with empty bottomless pits he had for eyes.

_ What the hell happened to him? Did he and Jaewon have a fight? Is that why Jaewon kept whispering on Hanbin while the other remained indifferent to anything and anyone?_

Did he really just get his heart broken by a guy who was being hurt by someone else? _Wow, universe, fuck you._

The meeting was over as soon as the CEOs and the executives were out the door and the room fell into an uproar with compliments and congratulations for Jiwon. He would’ve loved every bit of it and basked in its glory, but he couldn’t help but think about Hanbin and Jaewon. And when his suspicions will be confirmed, he’ll most likely have Jaewon’s head on a spear.

He received the attention with as much energy as he could because he really was thankful and saw that the two were speed-walking out the door.

“Hey, guys. I’m really thankful for everything but I gotta go somewhere urgently. We’ll definitely have some drinks tomorrow, and it’s gonna be on me.” He announced and was out the door in seconds.

He saw the two guys further in the corridor and stopped to turn towards the corner hidden away from other people. Jiwon had a glimpse of where they were so he sprinted towards them as quietly as possible. He was still doubting about his suspicions so he couldn’t just outright confront them.

He slowed down and being as quiet as possible, he leaned and strained to listen on the conversation going on.

“Hanbin, calm down. There’s people who could possibly see you here.”

“I-I… I c-can’t.”

Hanbin sounded out of breath and shaky.

“Bin,”

“No! G-Get away…,” a pause a much steadier voice thundered, “Get away from me!”

“Bi—“

“I said no, hyung. I-I just need to be alone right now,”

“No, I won’t let you. You were drunk yesterday, had a restless sleep according to Chanwoo, and haven’t had any proper meals. The stress coming over you right now is kicking you into having a panic attack,”

_ He was drunk? And he’s having a panic attack? What the fuck was going on?_ Jiwon was desperate to get to Hanbin but he knew he had to stay where he was to find out more.

“You know it’s not that, hyung.” It was barely above a whisper, sounding so defeated. Gone were the growling voice and stern, cold stares.

“No, I don’t! Even if I did, you won’t admit to it and unless you actually do talk to me about it, I will never know how to properly look after you.”

“You don’t have to look after me!”

“I do!”

“No, you don’t! I’m not a fucking kid anymore, and certainly not your boyfriend. All I… All I need right now is for you to be my friend, Jaewon. Not like a mother, my members, and especially not like Jiwon.”

Jiwon froze. _Certainly not my boyfriend._ They weren’t in a relationship but—

Jaewon sighed, and a shuffling of clothes was heard, he seemed to have sat down, “So it is about Jiwon, huh?”

_ What?_ What did he have to do with anything? He respected Hanbin’s decision with the distance he’d put on them. He understood that Hanbin didn’t reciprocate, so why in the hell was he caught up in this? Why was he still causing Hanbin trouble? Was he really that burdened with Jiwon’s confession? Well, that hurt like hell—more than he’d care to admit.

“I don’t w-wanna… don’t wanna t-talk about it,” Hanbin sounded like he gave up. Hanbin _never _sounded like giving up in serious situations, not even when he had panic attacks before, not when the group’s future was unclear, not when his father’s issue broke out. Jiwon’s heartstrings tugged in the most excruciating way possible.

Jiwon had enough. He needed to get a word in because he was getting confused and light-headed as hell. So he stepped out of the wall he’d been leaning and faced the two individuals crouched down on the floor.

“Well, I do,” he said with as much conviction he could muster even in his flustered state.

Hanbin visibly froze from his position and stiffened at the heavy air hanging around them but didn’t look up. Jaewon, however, stood up and faced him.

“Look, man, you two need to talk. No subliminal messages, no indirect cryptic songs that should be explained in complete-sentenced words and not just through songs—it’s beautiful, man, but you gotta explain further or else there’ll be misunderstandings. Be honest with one another and stop all this unnecessary drama you’ve gotten yourselves into. It’s not just you guys being affected by it, it’s affecting everyone that’s surrounding you,” Jaewon said solemnly, looking strained from the situation, too.

Jiwon didn’t know how Jaewon knew about all that he said but, as much as he hated to admit it, the guy was right. With everything he had said, it had sunk in to Jiwon that Hanbin had misunderstood something and he really needed to find out what it was so that he’d no longer cause any pain for the younger.

“I get it, man. Thanks,” he said without once looking away from Hanbin, but the latter had hung his head low, looking so fragile.

Jaewon crouched back down and placed on hand on Hanbin’s arm to get his attention, “I’m gonna wait in the studio after I get Donghyuk from dance practice. Text me if you need anything.”

_ Donghyuk? _Since when were Jaewon and Donghyuk close?

Jaewon patted Jiwon’s shoulder consolingly and left the two.

“Bin? Why don’t we go to my studio? You can rest there better and we could talk more privately. People could walk on us here,” he murmured softly, suddenly feeling his cheeks warm up and his confidence dwindling to almost nothing.

Hanbin wordlessly got up and started heading for the elevator. They were deafiningly quiet with a good three feet distance between them. Arriving to the studio, Jiwon decided to give Jinhwan a call to inform the eldest of what’s happening.

“I-I, uh, I’m just gonna call Jinhwan-hyung for a moment. He demanded me to give him a call once the presentation’s over.”

The younger was currently situated in his couch, crouching in his seat as he had his two hands covering his face. He had nodded meekly and Jiwon thought that’s all he’s gonna get for now.

Getting out from his studio again, he had dialled Jinhwan’s number and after just a single ring the other line cackled, _“Jiwon!”_

“Hyung, the presentation’s over.”

_ “And? How was it?”_

“It ended pretty great, actually. Every song will make it to the album and he agreed on having Donghyuk for one track.”

_ “Oh, that’s excellent! Want us to head over there now?”_

“Can you come maybe after an hour? I just gotta talk to Hanbin alone for a while.”

A moment of silence and Jinhwan seemed to have let go a shaky breath and said, _“That’s long overdue.”_

“Y-Yeah,”

_ “Take all the time you need and call us when the air has been cleared, _make it damn sure_ that the air does clear this time, Ji. Understand?”_

Jiwon gulped and nodded, then realized that Jinhwan couldn’t see him so he let out a rather unstable, “Yes, hyung,”

The call ended and Jiwon hung his head. He dreaded going back in and facing Hanbin, but he also he really, _really_ missed the guy that all he really wanted deep down was to tackle and drown the guy in a bear hug.

With a deep breath, he mustered up all his courage, straightened himself, and turned the handle on his studio’s door. He saw Hanbin still leaning down on his knees with his shoulders propped up, his hands going over his hair but he had removed his jacket, hat, and face mask.

_ Wow, he looked as shitty as Jiwon yet the guy still looked as ethereal as ever. How fucking unfair._

He cleared his throat and fidgeted in his position just by the door. Feeling awkward, he opted to just sit down on his chair, because his knees felt absolutely like jelly.

Jiwon couldn’t stand seeing Hanbin looking troubled or frustrated and he just really wanted to get things out of his head as quickly as possible, “Bin, I’m sorry if I caused you any discomfort from all that. Keeping all of it to myself was slowly suffocating me and it was an act of a moment’s selfishness on my part. I should’ve known you’d be uncomfortable and I understand your reaction completely. I shouldn’t have been that up front and allowed you a moment’s respite. But, I was just really tired of keeping things from you, lying to you, and the distance I seemed to have put on both of us.

I was selfish and insensitive. I only thought of telling you how I feel and directly assumed you’d be okay with it. It was a dick move, I admit it. You don’t deserve any of that and I’d understand if you want the songs unreleased and deleted. I wouldn’t want to cause you any more discomfort by releasing all of those and—“

“What?!” Hanbin’s head snapped and Jiwon might as well have jumped on his seat at the suddenness of the former’s interruption of his self-deprecating monologue.

Jiwon blinked and muttered a confused, “H-Huh? What do you mean by ‘what’?”

Hanbin stood from his seat and sputtered almost looking more distraught, “I mean, why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you release those songs? I don’t wanna be in the way of you expressing your love for your special someone.”

He was really confused now. Was Hanbin referring to himself in third-person or what? “Like I said, I wouldn’t want you to feel any more troubled by having to hear those songs.”

“I shouldn’t be holding you back, Jiwon. Those were for someone you’re in a relationship with and compared to that, I’m just your friend. You should put that person’s feelings above mine.”

Wait. _Holy mother of—_

Jiwon buffered for what he felt like an hour before realization dawned on him. Having a grasp of what’s actually happening, Jiwon stood from his seat, too, facing Hanbin whose eyes have turned bloodshot and breathing shakily. _Jesus. What a mess._

“Hanbin, I need you to listen to me and answer me as clearly as you can.” He said slowly, looking at Hanbin’s forming frown and confused eyes, nodding softly, “Did you think those songs were for another person?”

Hanbin opened his mouth to answer him, closed it after a moment’s hesitation, and then opened it again to say stutteringly, “W-Well, yeah. Weren’t they for someone you fell in love with?”

Jiwon closed his eyes. Hanbin had it all wrong and it was all his fault that they had to go through all this trouble. _Shit._

He opened his eyes and walked directly in front of Hanbin, cupping his face gently, and softly ran his thumb over his cheeks. Looking steadily at the dark chocolate orbs he said with all the love he could put into his voice, “Hanbin, it was for you. All of it was for you. _You._”

Hanbin blinked, stood frozen in front of him, and sputtered, “M-Me?”

“_Yes._ It’s you and only you. I’m sorry if I ever made you think otherwise.” He was. He really was.

However, his heart eyes and soft caresses on the other’s cheeks were stopped as Hanbin’s face slowly contorted and the latter outright _wailed and whined_ at him and punching him on his chest.

“H-Hanbin, why—WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!”

His shouting only served to intensify the younger’s cries and Jiwon panicked. _What did I do now?!_

“Hanbin, say something, please. You’re making me really worried, already.” He frantically said and softly jostled Hanbin’s shoulder.

_ “I’m _making _you_ worried?! I hate you right now, you know that?!” the sudden outburst made Jiwon’s head spin.

“Hanbin, can you say something more to that? I’m still confused.”

Hanbin made a whiny and exasperated sound again as he shouted almost adorably, “I really thought you fell in love with someone else! Did you know how heartbroken I was?! You should’ve said it as soon as you made me listen to the tracks!”

“Well, I thought you were rejecting me and that you already loved someone! You were always with Jaewon and he was really sweet towards you! What was I supposed to think?! And I was really heartbroken, too, and I didn’t even have that much time to feel sad about it because of work! It was really frustrating!” he crossed his arms appearing to be a petulant child.

“Why would you even think Jaewon and I were in a relationship?! He’s _Donghyuk’s_ boyfriend, genius!”

“How was I—Wait, WHAT?! Jaewon and Donghyuk are in a relationship and the little shit didn’t even clarify it to me yesterday when I was practically bawling my eyes out at the prospect of you guys having a relationship?!”

Jiwon was about to explode. He really was. Why didn’t Donghyuk tell him?! He was Jiwon’s best friend but he hadn’t even mentioned that he was dating someone.

“It was just recently and they’re keeping it lowkey to get to know each other better peacefully without anyone bombarding them about their relationship,” the younger puffed his chest as he defended the lovebirds.

_ Oh, so he was calm now that we’re talking about other people’s relationship?_

“Okay, fine! But what about ours!” He was really close to stomping his feet and letting out a tantrum.

Hanbin froze then and the beet red creeping up his face was such a sight to behold that Jiwon’s frustrations melted away.

“What about it?!” he shouted, too, almost like challenging who was more of a kid.

Jiwon tilted his head and said teasingly, “Do _you_ love me?’

Hanbin rolled his eyes at the sickening attempt of Jiwon acting cute. “I guess I do like you, _a little bit._”

“A little bit?! You were literally crying a minute ago!” he exclaimed.

“Shut up!” hands flew on Hanbin’s ears as he attempted to muffle out Jiwon’s cackling. He attempted to walk out the door in embarrassment but was immediately tugged by Jiwon, landing them both in the couch, having positioned Hanbin on his lap to straddle him.

“Biiiin,” he whined.

“What?” the younger snapped at him but Jiwon could see him struggling to bite back a smile.

“Do you love me?” he pulled out the aegyo card and both of them visibly cringed and laughed.

“Meh. I suppose,” he crossed his arms trying to sound nonchalant and looking too seriously at the wall.

Jiwon whined again and shook Hanbin a little by his hips. “Now _I’m_ gonna cry.”

An image of a crying, ugly Jiwon popped into Hanbin’s mind and the thought made him break into a laugh, no longer able to hold his guard. “You’re ugly when you cry, don’t even consider it!”

Jiwon huffed at him, “Say you love me then!” the amount of whining he’s let out this afternoon would be made a laughing stock for the members if they ever knew about it, he doubted if they would even believe it.

But the breathy laughter Hanbin was producing right now made all the cringe-worthy whining and aegyo he did so worth it. He missed that laugh, and he was overjoyed at the fact that the laugh was directed to him and was caused by Jiwon and no one else.

Hanbin’s giggling fit somewhat died down enough to say, “Okay, okay, alright. I wuv you,” his hands coming down to mush Jiwon’s cheeks and left a feather light kiss on the latter’s nose. Jiwon felt like he could die then and there. The act was so innocent and so adorable that he cooed and hugged Hanbin, almost bone-crushingly.

A few moments passed with just them in that position—Jiwon hugging him with a death grip on the younger’s clothes while Hanbin was softly carding through his hair and rested his cheek on top of his head.

“Why’d it take you so long though? How did you even realize you love me?” the younger said softly without moving an inch.

He buried his face deeper on Hanbin’s chest and said, “It took me so long, yeah, but I think I’ve loved you the moment you accepted me into your life all those years ago. I was very traditionally-wired and never thought I’d fall in love with a guy. We were too busy and always strived for debut back then that I didn’t even think of considering what I felt for you to be anything romantic. That was until…”

“Until what?” Hanbin urged him softly.

“Until I came across fan fictions and fan-made videos.”

That got Hanbin’s attention and moved his hands down to Jiwon’s jaw and tilted his head further up to meet his gaze, “Fan fictions? Fan-made videos?”

“Yep. I was so bored and didn’t really feel all that inspired to continue on with work so I fiddled with my phone. I decided to take a look here and there, and came across a trailer for a fan fiction. I felt a little scandalised and appalled of the contents.”

“Oh c’mon. Was that your first time seeing those?”

“Yes! And apparently, you guys have seen it already and talked about it but didn’t even bother to tell me!”

“Well, we just thought you weren’t all that interested.”

“Ugh, whatever. After that I was really jumpy around you guys and suspected that there really were relationships within the group. It all felt too real, like there really was some sexual tension.”

Hanbin chuckled, “So that’s why you looked really flustered that one morning in the kitchen!”

Jiwon nodded and buried his head again on the younger’s neck and the latter merely cooed at him. “But, I never really liked most of those fan fictions,” Hanbin stated.

“Why?”

“Well, they always made me out to be some unexperienced virgin, an innocent snowflake, or like a child.” He whined… _like a child_.

“But you are all those things,” Jiwon said and made a mistake by looking at Hanbin directly in the face. He didn’t miss the dangerous glint in his eyes and the smirk that graced his lips making Jiwon gulp.

_ That was threatening _and _should be illegal_.

“Hm, I may have been single my entire life, Jiwon, but I’ve had my fair share of fooling around and secret rendezvous.”

_ What. The. Fuck._

Jiwon froze, his eyes bulged, and as he understood more deeply at the implications of Hanbin’s words he couldn’t help the scowl that escaped his mouth. “Are you saying you’re—,” he couldn’t say it so instead he asked simply yet menacingly, “who?”

“A few flings here and there,” Hanbin was provoking him and Jiwon was reacting to it with much more possessiveness than the younger could’ve assumed.

“I want names, Bin,”

Hanbin rolled his eyes, “It doesn’t even matter now.”

“Do you have a fling _right now?_”

“Well…”

Jiwon was about to stand them both up and thunder down the corridors but Hanbin had expected the move just as much so he immediately pushed Jiwon to lean down on the sofa.

_ “Down, boy.”_ He purred and caressed Jiwon’s vibrating chest, attempting to calm him down. “It’s entirely platonic and the arrangement’s just made to get each other off.”

“Still.”

Hanbin could see that Jiwon wouldn’t calm down to the information of him not being as much of an innocent sweet pea as everyone assumed so he did the only thing came to mind. Without warning, Hanbin leaned down and held Jiwon’s head in his hands to steady him, and kissed the living soul out of him.

The kiss was meant to distract Jiwon, and Hanbin knew just how to do that effectively. The leader fought with Jiwon for dominance, playing fire with fire as he kissed him with so much aggressiveness. His hips ever-so-slightly grinding down on him and it was Jiwon’s undoing. The elder seemed shell-shocked at the movement so Hanbin took it as a chance to shove his tongue down Jiwon’s throat, successfully dominating him in their impromptu make-out session.

Jiwon seemed to have recovered and his hand landed to Hanbin’s hips with a bruising grip as he retaliated with bites and deep groans that seemed to have pulled a big reaction from the younger.

_ A sucker for a little teeth and vocal responses, are we?_ Jiwon smirked briefly at the discovery.

The eldest rapper crept a hand down to grope Hanbin’s ass as another held him by the nape to angle their heads a little more to the side so the kiss could run deeper. Jiwon deeply groaned and that pulled out a delicious moan from the younger, pausing his grinding as he tried to get their bodies impossibly closer.

Their _liitle foreplay_, however, was shatteringly interrupted as his phone rang, mercilessly loud, snapping both of them into attention. Jiwon grabbed the phone and inwardly cursed when he saw Junhoe’s name on the screen.

He accepted the call and put it against his ear while Hanbin was leaning down to relax on Jiwon’s shoulder, his heavy breathing fanning over his neck. It only spurred him to be more turned on, but still tried so hard to reign in his sexual frustration, as he snaked an arm over Hanbin’s back to press him closer in his chest.

“What?” he snapped at the other line making Hanbin snicker.

_ “Have you two killed each other or what? The hyungs are worried,”_

Jiwon felt guilty now for momentarily forgetting about his hyungs. “We already talked. You guys can come over now.”

_ “Great, we’re actually outside your studio and about to kick your door open,”_

“Wait, _what?!_ No, no, no—“

He was too late. True to Junhoe’s words, the doors were kicked open and _six_ heads popped into the doorframe. Jiwon _prayed_ the couch would just swallow them whole, while Hanbin buried himself deeper into Jiwon’s neck with his hands covering his face in embarrassment at being discovered sitting on the elder’s lap.

“Well, look what we have here,” Chanwoo chimed and whistled inappropriately, earning him a smack on his head.

_ Oh God._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised smut but I decided to be a tease at the last minute. The reaction and attention of having a Donghyuk-Jaewon ship really made me happy and giddy, to say the least, so I may have gotten a LITTLE carried away with their scene (sorry not sorry).
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading 9k of trash. I'm gonna make up for it on future chapters, but no promises (I've learned my lesson hahaha)
> 
> The lyrics of the songs Hanbin played for Jaewon was from iKON's Adore You and Don't Let Me Know
> 
> If have you anything you wanted to see for the fic or suggestions, DM or rant me on twitter @flowerypath_131


	7. Unsure

Jiwon has had his fair share of embarrassing moments that he wanted to carry with him to the grave, but none of it equalled with the way his mind reeled, his cheeks burning up, and the forming lump in his throat the moment six heads poked into his studio.

Five from his members, and one from, apparently, Donghyuk’s boyfriend—Jaewon.

It wasn’t that he was ashamed of letting the world know about him and Hanbin but the current situation—what with dodging each other stubbornly— and _position_ they were in was quite… _questionable._

They wouldn’t have known about the tension between him and Hanbin, (well, maybe except for Donghyuk and Jaewon) and it could’ve been received in a various ways from his members.

Jiwon could do nothing but tighten his grip on a squirming Hanbin as _six people gaped at them shamelessly._

So maybe this wasn’t the sight that the guys would expect raiding into his studio—Hanbin on his lap, his face pressed flush in Bobby’s body whose instinct when it comes to Hanbin was to protect the younger from anything and everything, the elder placing protective hands that flew over Hanbin’s body.

“Well, look what we have here,” Chanwoo chimed through the defeaning silence and whistled inappropriately, earning him a smack on his head.

_ Oh God._

“I take it you guys have made up?” Yunhyeong asked to fill the awkward confrontation, straightening his stance that was followed directly by the guys.

Junhoe huffed and rolled his eyes, “Looks like they did more than made up. They appear to have made_ out._”

Hanbin made an indignant noise from his neck and the younger’s head almost immediately straightened and looked for his dongsaeng to glare and scowl, albeit adorably, losing all façade of _the mighty Tigerbin_. “Yah!”

An arched brow from the younger and provoked his hyung even more, “what?”

Jinhwan pinched Junhoe’s side making the younger yelp as his eyes turned from mischievous to watery. “Shut up,” then decided to ignore the heavy atmosphere with a shrug and said, “Let’s settle in and eat. I wanna hear those songs that have brought chaos upon our _peaceful_ household.”

Hanbin huffed and puffed as he slid out of Jiwon’s grasp and made his way to the computer while the six other guys shuffled inside the studio—that was now appearing to be too small for eight fully grown-ass men—leaving Jiwon still immobile at what was happening.

The youngest rapper, on the other hand, have recovered from the embarrassment as he played the first track, hopping his way back into Jiwon’s lap. This time the younger hadn’t straddled him, merely pressing his back on the elder’s front, and took Jiwon’s hands to wrap them around his waist.

Jiwon shook himself and tightens his hold on Hanbin once again, hooking his chin up to the younger’s shoulder as he peered over at the guys in front of them. They managed to set up a blanket on the floor to lounge on, three throw pillows, and a duvet to cover their feet. Jaewon and Donghyuk was in a similar position as them, huddled on the corner. Jinhwan had lain his head on Junhoe’s stomach clutching on one pillow. Chanwoo and Yunhyeong took the chair and pushed them to the sides so as to not block the others’ view of the screen and settled on them—not that there was much to see. And Jiwon didn’t feel the uneasiness he’d expected at the sight of them seeming to have been paired like he did that night he had Hanbin sprawled all over his fron while watching movies.

_ Runaway_ played while Yunhyeong were handing out sweet cakes, egg toast sandwiches, tteokbokki, and Jiwon’s all-time favorite: PIZZA, which was Yunhyeong’s own recipe. They munched on any food they could grab and washed it down with some beer—well, one of them a three-percent alcohol content flavoured beer for Hanbin.

“Woah, I really liked that, hyung! That one’s my favorite!” Junhoe excitedly exclaimed as the song finished, more moved with the lyrics and over-all mood of the song.

Jiwon laughed a little, “You haven’t even heard all of ‘em!”

Junhoe just rolled his eyes and settled back again as the next song played. It was _In Love_ and Jiwon immediately curled tucking Hanbin further on his body as he awaited the guys’ reactions.

A few cooing were heard as the song reaches its climax and he could literally feel his ears reddening. He should’ve known the nutjobs were gonna teases him but these past few days he’d been so distracted that it hadn’t even occurred to him.

Hanbin, on the other hand, had keened and laughed heartily with every twitch his body made whenever someone quipped.

_ “Wow, hyung, I can’t believe you’re this whipped!”_ Chanwoo commented making the elders laugh while Jiwon sent him a death glare. He swore right then and there that he’ll have his revenge when they’ll have time to play again.

_ “Aw, hyung, I didn’t know you were such a sap!”_ Junhoe goaded on and Hanbin retaliated on Jiwon’s behalf as he threw his now-empty flavoured beer.

The songs kept flowing on and on, and it was obvious who the majority of the song were for. He was proud of himself, really. When Yang told him to prepare for a solo debut, he’d planned on making his signature heavy spit of explicit bars, maybe toning it down a little bit since his aggressiveness could come off as cocky, compared to when he was in _Show Me The Money_ where his abrasive and provoking demeanor was passed off as a child who was desperately fighting for his dream in making a name. Now, _Bobby_ made a name for himself, both in the professional music industry and the underground scene. He was respected and acknowledged as a rapper.

He had considered producing a rap song but, he wanted a different stage. A different persona. Something with a warmer approach and would hit better with Hanbin as he made the music with the thoughts of the younger had spurred him on with endless lyrics.

“Kim mothatfrickin’ Jiwon, made all of this?” Donghyuk made a show of a dramatic gasp with a hand over his mouth. Jaewon chuckled, mushing his face on the younger’s hair as his body quaked at the romantic yet cheesy confession.

“Shut up, you wish you had multiple tracks getting written and released for you!” Jiwon bit back and Hanbin couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up as he tried to defend himself from further teasing.

“Oh _please_, I’ve had something better released for me,” he said with such a gross seductive voice and a wink that caused all of them to groan in disgust at having registered what the younger meant. It was Jaewon’s turn to go positively red and hid his face by nuzzling into Donghyuk’s neck.

“Yah! That nearly caused me my first heart attack, you imbecile.” Yunhyeong reprimanded with no bite but still a bit traumatized at having _three_ of his dongsaengs getting it up more than him.

By the time they had enough of their banter, Jiwon and Hanbin were visibly yawning and falling over themselves. It was obvious how the two’s complicated situation before their reconciliation had taken a toll on their physical health—having shrugged off complete hours of sleep and a full meal. But now that they were all fine and dandy, their bodies were now demanding to be rested properly.

“Aw, aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes!” Jinhwan quipped when they saw how they tumbled going into the car and practically landing on the seats with a loud thud already half-asleep and curled into one another—Hanbin settling his legs atop Jiwon’s and, the elder drawing him in more as he snaked an arm around him like it was the most natural thing to do and tucked Hanbin’s head in the crevice of his neck.

“Nani-hyung, shh. Tired.” Hanbin slurred in the middle of yawning, already snuggled comfortably for his own good.

With a last coo, Jinhwan left them to sleep in peace as he glared at Junhoe who clearly looked like he’d disrupt the lovebird’s rest.

Yunhyeong and Chanwoo were in the other car with their manager and two bodyguards while Woohyuk was with them, currently situated on the shotgun seat. Donghyuk was, to everyone’s shock (but not really), had announced that he’d be staying over at Jaewon’s place. The conversation it ensued will forever be ingrained on all of their brains.

The second eldest, being the overreacting and painfully straight-forward, had taken it upon himself to warn them of the implications of unsafe sex.

_ “You guys go ahead, we’re gonna run by Jaewon’s studio to grab some things and head over to his place. Don’t wait up.” Donghyuk stated casually, shuffling outside Jiwon’s studio._

_ It had gone quiet as they tried to find a better reaction. Chanwoo and Junhoe looked astounded, yet beaming, Jiwon and Hanbin really couldn’t care less when all they thought about at the moment was _sleep.

_ Yunhyeong and Jinhwan were a bit… different though._

_ “Are you… A-Are you staying over?” Yunhyeong muttered quite astonished._

_ “Maybe. Depends,” Donghyuk shrugged, scanning through his phone and dodging his hyungs’ watchful eyes._

_ “Hmm, fine. But, mind you, choosing the best prevention options is always important. The risk of contracting HIV and other STIs decreases through being informed, getting tested frequently, and taking preventive measures for having sex—“_

_ “Woah, woah! Okay! No need for having _the talk_ with us. We’re grown men, for fuck’s sake, hyung.” Donghyuk immediately interrupted as Yunhyeong never stops talking unless someone stops him. Lord knows what the elder would get into with all safe sex talk._

_ Yunhyeong held his hands up in surrender, but apparently Jinhwan won’t leave without leaving a word in. “Yunnie’s right. You should really take precautions in case—“_

_ “Jesus, _hyung!_ D’you really think we haven’t gone through that already? We’re two consenting adults. We know what we’re doing and we deserve to have a peaceful sex life! These two,” he gestures to the adorably staggering Hanbin and Jiwon, “however, you should start educating on those two. That is, if they are still as sacred as you think.”_

_ “They’re just new couples. Surely they won’t come to that any time sooner,” Jinhwan said, so sure of himself that Donghyuk scoffed and gave him a pointed look._

_ “Hyung, they’re both far from virgins. Hanbin’s more aggressive than you think, and Jiwon’s been eyeing him like he’s some centrepiece he wanted to lay his hands on and feast on. D’you really think those two won’t get right into it?”_

_ Yunhyeong looked at each other, _horrified_ at the bit of information, but Jiwon was quick to regain some semblance of propriety as he said, “Hyung, as much as all of it were true, I’m _not_ gonna rush things through and take a page out of Donghyuk and Jaewon’s book and take it slowly. It’s not like Hanbin’s gonna run away, right?” he glanced at the younger by his arms, already half-asleep and decided to indulge his hyung with a nod, not knowing what the elder implied._

_ The two eldest seemed to visibly relax as Donghyuk rolled his eyes. “Won’t be long ‘til your innocent lovebirds will leave the nest to make their own.”_

_ Jinhwan shivered at the thought. The said new lovebirds weren’t even bothered but it had sunk into Jiwon’s head more than he initially intended._

Given that Yunhyeong still wasn’t fully comfortable with Jaewon being in a relationship with his sunshine dongsaeng, the trust he had for the younger was untethered.

The ride home was _so peaceful_ that the two anticipated the chaotic events after, when they arrive at the dorms. The members, however, seemed to have agreed on giving the _new couple _some well-deserved alone time and undisturbed rest. They didn’t even bat an eye when Hanbin and Jiwon silently agreed on sleeping on the younger’s room for the night. The younger ones looked like they were about to explode with the opportunity to tease their hyungs but one death glare from their eldest stopped their schemes—it would have to wait for another day.

“Kimbap!” the younger whined as they reached his room, having landed face-first in the bed.

“What?” there was a hint of whining, too, but Hanbin seemed to have been determined to ignore it to get his way.

The younger flipped and made grabby hands at Jiwon’s direction already heavy-lidded and soft with the need for sleep, demanding to be held. He wasn’t even properly set for bed so Jiwon had taken it upon himself to rid of the younger’s “work” clothes—his hoodie, pants, and sneakers—only leaving him in his boxers. Jiwon did the same, already past the embarrassment as the only thing running on his mind was _sleep_, preferably with Hanbin in his arms all through the night and wake up to him.

Having discarded their clothes, Jiwon climbed into Hanbin’s bed just like how he used to when they weren’t as busy or in need for comfort. But, none of those thing were the reason for their cuddling now. There was no _label_ and Jiwon had to tread carefully, not wanting to seem so crazed for the younger (even when he really was).

Hanbin had settled into Jiwon’s arms and immediately melted into the hold, going limp and pliant with fluttering eyes and pouting lips. Jiwon nuzzled his head and ran his hands down Hanbin’s side, hoping to get the younger more comfortable and eventually sleep.

But… Jiwon noticed something he never had before. Jiwon almost always slept by Hanbin’s right side so when he had done this gesture before there was no contact between his hands and Hanbin’s bottom-right tattoo. Which he currently ran his fingers on delicately at the small bumps occasionally stopping him from holding the smooth expanse of Hanbin's skin.

_ Bumps?_ One thing popped into his mind and the horrific realization left him reeling. He had a hunch of what they truly were but wouldn’t be entirely sure of what it was until he had seen it more closely. He didn’t wanna jostle the younger for fear of waking him up and knowing about the sudden discovery Jiwon had made on his own body.

But he didn’t have to think about that now. Right now, he had a handful of sleepy, whiny Hanbin and decided to deal with that first.

Jiwon would be lying if he hadn’t thought of the implications of sleeping with Hanbin in one room that night. Considering what had transpired minutes before his studio door was opened, he may or may not have imagined some scenes he’s read from fan-fictions _actually_ unfolding now that the two had reconciled and apparently, harboured the same feelings for each other. But, now, faced with a new discovery, nothing but _comfort _and _protect_ was filling up in Jiwon’s head and entire system.

“Bin,” he called, as softly as he could.

The younger hummed, a little smile gracing his lips.

“Nothing. Let’s go to sleep. ‘Night,” the now dreaded conversation to be held will have to wait. Right now, he just wanted to hug the younger and try to protect him from the horrors that seemed to have haunted him.

Hanbin opened his eyes as best as he could, raised himself to be half-laid down across Jiwon’s chest with his arms also enveloping the latter’s as much as he could, as he kissed his nose. “Goodnight, hyung.”

Jiwon smiled warmly at the soft sight of Hanbin looking like he was finally free from days of constant restless nights and was finally about to sleep peacefully with the man he loved right beside him. It was a pretty rare sight.

The unspoken _I love you_ hung in the air even as Hanbin had settled his head beneath Jiwon’s chin again and snuggled to find the most comfortable position to sleep in. Jiwon was determined to take things slow and right. Those three words didn’t have to necessarily be said right now as the two were more than sure of the feelings the other has of them.

_ And he will do right by him._

The following day proved to be harder than Jiwon thought. He had expected to have a blissful and well-rested Hanbin to take with him to work like a parent would on _bring-your-chilld-to-work-day_ as he was apprehensive at leaving the younger for even a single second. But what had greeted him was a Hanbin who was more _whiny, needy, grumpy, and bratty._

It seemed the younger was feeling a little selfish today and wanted Jiwon for himself. They had just properly confessed their affections, had a few moments to themselves only to have their _romantic _(lustful) bubble pop at the arrival of their friends, some cuddles while listening to Jiwon’s music or even after goofing around with friends, having gone home to being already sleepy… nothing much happened—well, _nothing much of what Hanbin wanted_. There was no clear label for their _relationship_, no discussions of what action to take in order for them to have a deeper understanding for each other, there was no apparent decision if they were casually _dating_ or _already in a relationship._

Hanbin wants to discuss a lot of things, but, more than that, he wanted to spend more time with Jiwon. Having ignored each other for what seemed like eons took a toll on their friendship and it really affected Hanbin a lot more than the others realized. He was Jiwon-deprived.

Jiwon padded onto the younger’s room with a tray in hand for Hanbin’s breakfast as the latter refused to leave his bed. Even clutching Jiwon _impossibly stronger_ than the elder expected but a few reassuring kisses and a promise to be back had pacified the younger enough to plop back down on the bed and slept again.

“Bin-ah,” he tried waking the younger gently but as expected, Hanbin hadn’t even budged at the call.

Jiwon settled the tray on the bedside table and returned to sit on the bed, “Bin, c’mon. Let’s eat and then shower.”

Hanbin huffed and pulled at his duvet to cover his entire being and a muffled, “Dun wanna,” was heard making Jiwon fondly frowning at the younger.

“Please? C’mon. I wanna go to work with you today.”

That seemed to work on the opposite of bribing Hanbin to eat as he thrashed for a second, the duvet falling on the bed. “See, that’s why I don’t want to go. Eating means I’ll have to go shower which is already a lot of work in itself. And then, going to work with you which means you’ll be really busy and I’d have to share you with other people when I’ve literally only had you for a few hours.”

“But, don’t you wanna help me? Guide me through everything? I’d be really lost, and awkward, and jumpy, and nervous. Having you there would make me less anxious, too.”

Hanbin seemed to think his options through, so Jiwon rushed to butter up the younger with a little more bribery, “And I promise we’ll come home early, or maybe go anywhere you’d like after. You’ll have me all to yourself to do with as you wish.”

This did the trick and snagged the younger’s attention at the promise Jiwon had so carelessly made. It already made him regret his words at the sight of Hanbin looking from shocked, to tempted, to slyly smirking with a brow raising for a moment, already cooking something up with that beautiful mind of his.

“To do with as I wish?”

Jiwon gulped and tried to smile reassuringly, “Yeah.”

“Okay!” The younger rose from bed automatically, demanding to have his breakfast right away, already determined to end this day to which the elder obliged. He had prepared the clothes they were going to wear, some of the items were Hanbin’s but had Chanwoo and Yunhyeong’s clothing, too.

Jiwon took a shower alone first (to Hanbin’s obvious dismay) and changed into the clothes. The two may have seen each other naked, and took a bath together before but this time it was different because “they were in a relationship”, and Jiwon was surprisingly (to Hanbin, annoyingly) being a gentleman to which the younger had rolled his eyes.

When the two were done preparing, they headed out after bidding farewell to Yunhyeong who was lounging about in the living room, already basking in the practice-free day.

“Oh, we’re gonna have lunch together later at the usual traditional restaurant,” Yunhyeong informed them without looking up from his phone.

“What for?” The underlying disappointment in the younger’s tone of voice confused Jiwon when Hanbin thought to have lunch with Jiwon alone, at least to get through the day. _Wow, the amount of selfishness should really be alarming but Hanbin was feeling petty and needy._

Jiwon’s phone has gone off, got called by the manager to discuss something so he distanced himself from them so they could continue talking.

“To formally get to know Jaewon more, and if his intentions on Donghyuk really is genuine.”

Hanbin’s forehead scrunched, “Mom, you’re being annoying. Jaewon’s a good guy and I know he’s genuine, I’ve seen them both being genuine right from the very beginning of their relationship. Donghyuk practically has Jaewon wrapped around his finger.”

“That’s just because _you_ got to know their relationship beforehand and friends with Jaewon. Plus, _we’ll bond,” _Yunhyeong now turned to face them with a wiggling eyebrows.

Hanbin shuddered. That lunch is so unnecessary and a little weird. But, Yunhyeong’s right. It’s not that obvious as they were sometimes awkward with it, but the members are really fiercely protective with each other. They act nonchalant on camera but was really paranoid of each other’s lives. So, Hanbin could only fondly roll his eyes.

“Okay, _Mom._ Just call one of us.”

Yunhyeong threw a pillow at Hanbin to which Jiwon caught reflexively and threw it back to the former. Jiwon was so quick about it, considering he had a good four feet distance between them, but _adrenaline._ He was still even clutching the phone in his hand against his ear and by the time the pillow hits Yunhyeong’s stupefied face, Jiwon took Hanbin’s hand and dragged him outside.

One thing about Hanbin when he was at peace, was that the younger _loved_ to sleep and cling onto anyone in close proximity. It was adorable to say the least but it meant working and talking with only one hand while the other held Hanbin by the waist as the younger leans his masked face on his shoulder. People didn’t really bat an eye as it was known that he had clingy tendencies. They had walked from studio to studio perfecting all of the songs—polishing and re-polishing songs to which Hanbin ocassionally wakes up to suggest stuff, vocal lessons, and a meeting later before lunch.

Jiwon was also reluctant in leaving the younger as he could curl on just about anyone. At one point he even had to peel himself from Hanbin for a second to remove his hoodie as the latter proved to be so warm against him.

And when he had a moment’s respite with having a meeting with the producers and creative directors with what concept they had for the music videos and they finally settle into a couch, Hanbin had come out of dreamland.

The younger shuffled a little bit in their position, opening his eyes and adjusting to the bright lights. There were at least five people with them in the room and his B.I persona was whispering ferocious things to him about having a semblance of professionalism. He was supposed to be here as Bobby’s leader, an idea bank, and help as much as possible instead of falling asleep everywhere.

He sat up straighter a little bit, no longer leaning fully on Jiwon, but was still close. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to listen to the conversation. They were talking about Jiwon’s possible music video concepts and his nose crinkled a little at the overly dramatic and glamorous ideas flying here and there.

Hanbin struggled to tap into his B.I persona, decided to help with anything involving Jiwon, and cleared his throat. Everyone immediately stopped talking, and the silence that followed was almost defeaning. He remained unfazed as he eyed every staff through his hair.

“Everything involving Jiwon from trainee days to MOBB have been showing his aggressiveness, his class, his refinement, his money, and his fame,” he began and everyone’s eyes were trained on him as he kept going, “this album would garner more attention if we took a different approach. Less of being _the Bobby_ and more on _Jiwon_. The songs talk about his love and the beauty of it, it wouldn’t do well to have an obnoxious approach with all the glitz and glam.” Hanbin said everything in a relaxed manner, completely unaware of the effect his sudden intrusion with exactly the kind of _something_ they’ve been trying to come up with. His words and suggestions were simple and yet it seemed to have been the one thing they needed to proceed with a clearer vision.

As soon as the staff had processed everything the young leader has said, they erupted to a new conversation, considering everything he said and incorporating it with more details.

Jiwon had lost interest on anyone and anything as he kept staring at Hanbin to which the latter had tilted his head to the side, staring right back at the elder with a curious and amused look.

“What?” the younger of the two finally asked.

Jiwon blinked and then his face broke into stupid grin, his eyes forming crescents. _“I love you,”_

Hanbin was suddenly_ very awake _and the heat that travelled from his spine, jolted through his heart, and settled on his then fluffy cheeks from sleep was alarmingly apparent in the well-lit room. He blinked with his mouth hanging a little open, feeling like his throat was suddenly constricted.

The elder leaned in a little closer and whispered in the younger’s ear, hot breath fanning over his skin, and his towering presence making Hanbin twitch, “I said, _I love you._”

Hanbin gulped and surveryed the room where the staff were busy planning outlines. He turned a little to the side, right by Jiwon’s ear and said, _“I love you, too.”_ Jiwon leaned back a little again to face him with a shit-eating grin.

Some discussions were still going on and Hanbin found himself absent-mindedly fiddling Jiwon’s fingers as the latter’s hand had rested on his thigh. He voiced his opinions from time to time, used to having to come up with better scenes to highlight the members on the video more meaningfully.

Jiwon’s phone rang from his pocket and excused himself from the staff. Hanbin stared expectantly at him as he had answered the call in a hushed voice. A series of _mm-hmm, yeah, _and _okay_ was what the elder only replied to the caller.

The call ended and he met Hanbin’s eyes, “Yunhyeong-hyung said they’re on their way to the restaurant and we’ll just meet them there. Although, we’ll have to stop by Raesung’s studio since all of them are joining us and Donghyuk and Jaewon are there, too.”

Hanbin nodded meekly. He really wanted some time alone with Jiwon but he didn’t wanna complain too much about it. He’ll just have to wait it out.

“Hey,” Jiwon hooked a finger on his chin so the younger would look at him, “A few more hours, yeah?”

Hanbin’s eyes softened and he nodded with a fleeting smile, “Okay.”

Jiwon called an end to the meeting, informed their manager of their plans for lunch and was only appointed two cars and Woohyuk, along with one of Winner’s body guard as Mino was gonna join them, too.

The first car occupied by Hanbin, Jiwon, Woohyuk, Raesung, and Seung where they discussed about the album, meanwhile the second car was occupied by Donghyuk, Jaewon, Dusty, Mino and his bodyguard.

At their arrival, they were immediately shown to a private dining area. The rest of the members were already there to greet them. Everyone were so lively, boisterous, and playful with banters here and there, some of them still discussing about the album, and rounds of toasts all-throughout lunch were made. They may have had too much to drink considering some of them were going back to the company.

Hanbin had remained relatively quiet, but still responsive when his comment is needed. No one seemed to wanna ask about the change in the atmosphere with Hanbin and Jiwon being practically glued to one another as the young leader was really hard to read and his reactions were always unpredictable.

Donghyuk and Jaewon, however, was endlessly doted on and teased as the two have confirmed to the remaining friends who were still clueless that they were indeed in a relationship.

“Who do you think tops?” he hears Chanwoo, who was by his right side, whisper to Junhoe, who was also by his right.

The leader immediately shouldered the younger lightly to shut him up making the latter whip his head to him and whine, “Hyung, that hurt.”

“As it damn well should. That’s inappropriate and rude, Chanwoo.”

Chanwoo rolled his eyes playfully and raised his hands in mock surrender, “Fine, I’ll just ask Jaewon-hyung some other time.”

“How about making that ‘some other time’ to when I’m not around to spank you.”

“Woah, that’s kinky, hyung.”

Hanbin didn’t even feel remorse when he smacked Chanwoo, making Yunhyeong and Jinhwan—mother hens who were perfectly attuned to their baby chicks—to glare at them both. Jiwon just laughed and tightened the hold he has on the young leader’s waist to calm his riled up thoughts.

They carried on with the conversation while Hanbin mindlessly picked on his food, seeming to not find that much of an appetite. He drank some of the champagne they opened, but Jiwon immediately took the drink from him and gulped it down himself.

“I can’t have you half-drunk when I’m working.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes and said, “Won’t it make work more fun if I do get half-drunk?”

Jiwon flicked his forehead lightly, “You’re playing a dangerous game, kid.” The younger merely huffed, already forming a plan in his head but was immediately stopped, “And don’t think I don’t know that face. Whatever you’re planning, stop that. I wanna talk about something with you later and I’m gonna need you to _not_ be drunk.”

Curiosity got the best of him so he conceded without much protest, “Fine, but I’m gonna need some distractions.”

The elder sputtered in his own saliva at the look Hanbin’s eyes were directing him—it was sinful and provoking and so tempting. _Jesus_. He was still enraged at the information that Hanbin has had experiences before, but he didn’t think that the guy would be this bold. Hanbin always seemed so shy, innocent, so easily flustered, and so _fucking_ virgin-like.

What little distance they had made Jiwon’s mind hazy and was slowly forgetting that they were in a room full of friends. With the little sips of champagne Hanbin had, he had more of an excuse to be a bit more daring, and so beneath the table where Jiwon had a hand on Hanbin’s thigh, the younger mirrored it with his own hand creeping up the elder’s thigh but not really stopping there.

Jiwon visibly jolted from his seat and knocked the table with his knee, making everyone in the room look at him. Hanbin had to bite back a smirk as Jiwon awkwardly laughed but soon glared at the younger when everyone went back on their conversation.

_ “Hanbin,”_ he warned, but his voice came out so husky and deep that it only served to make the younger’s eyes look like he’s ready to pounce on him, even absent-mindedly licked his lower-lip.

“Hyung, don’t go back to work later.”

Jiwon tutted at him, “No can do, baby. I still have a lot of work to do.”

Instead of being whiny like he always tended to be, Hanbin decided to switch tactics. “Fine, I’ll just stay in my studio while you work, then. I need to talk to someone anyway.”

Jiwon raised an eyebrow, suddenly suspicious, “Who?”

“Someone you don’t need to concern yourself with.”

“See, when you say it like that, I’m getting more concerned.”

“Really, it’s not a big deal.”

“Just tell me who it is then.”

Hanbin sighed exasperatedly, riling up the elder was a sight to see, “Fine. I’m gonna be blunt with you as I have no intention to lie to you,” he waited for Jiwon to say something but the guy only nodded so he continued, “I’ve had a guy I’ve been fooling around with that I figured I should talk to so we’d have mutual understanding and part ways peacefully.”

Jiwon’s eyes darkened and he gritted his teeth at the information. Now was not the time to be angry though so he reigned in his explicit thoughts, and hissed through clenched teeth, “And you’re gonna meet him? In your studio? Alone?”

Curse Hanbin for looking so innocent and wholesome, looking confused at his question. “Well, yeah. It’d be private so no one would overhear. It wouldn’t do well as he’s also working for YG.”

_ “What.”_

“Yeah, he’s a choreographer.” He said it like he was telling him about a nice, old man who saved his kitten from falling off a building.

Jiwon tried to find reason, to calm down. He had no right to Hanbin when the younger had been fooling around with someone so his jealousy is out of place. But he’ll be damned if he let Hanbin meet with the guy now. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to be as calm as possible when he said, “I’m not gonna let you talk to him alone.”

Hanbin’s eyebrows scrunched, “But, why? It’s not like the guy’s gonna rape me.” Honestly, Hanbin couldn’t care squat about having Jiwon when he talked with Won Jae, but he was having too much fun seeing Jiwon jealous, he was even on the verge of _keening_.

“Still, Bin. I won’t even butt in, I’ll just be in the same room. You talk to him, and then we can go home. Okay?”

_ Gotcha._ “Okay, hyung.” He said, all innocent smiles and angelic eyes.

“Hey, Jae,” Hanbin greeted the choreographer as latter stepped inside the studio. The guy was older but they seemed to be close enough to drop the honorifics that Jiwon was already close to snapping even just after five seconds of seeing the guy.

“Bin, what’s up?” The guy, _Won Jae_, had taken the other chair beside Hanbin while Jiwon occupied the couch, appearing to be as impassive as possible.

Jiwon tried to block as much as possible of the conversation that had taken between the two. Occasionally glancing to gauge the guy’s reaction and if Hanbin was showing any signs of discomfort. But, _nada,_ they both looked so casual and comfortable going about it. Hanbin informed him of taking a serious step in a relationship with someone while Won Jae got the message easily and seemed genuinely happy for Hanbin.

“Well,” Hanbin said while the two stood up, “I’ll see you around, Won Jae.”

“You, too, Bin.”

Wonjae stepped outside, leaving Jiwon and Hanbin together. There was a beat of silence before Hanbin came to sit next to him.

“Let’s go home?” he suggested quietly, not knowing what the other’s reaction to everything was gonna be.

Jiwon finally looked at him, well, more like stare at him blankly. For a second, Hanbin thought Jiwon was angry. _But why? The conversation had gone smoothy, Won Jae was polite, and he had made sure to put in as much distance with the guy as possible._

Hanbin was beginning to worry, but was suddenly tackled (read: pounced) on the couch making him lie down. “J-Jiwon,”

The guy still looked troubled and confused, seeming to have a hard time saying anything, so he kissed Hanbin. But, it was not the passionate and slow, relaxed kissed. Jiwon kissed desperately, like he was on a race, like Hanbin would run away. The kiss was sloppy and wet that Hanbin had to cup Jiwon’s face to stop him from going any further like that.

“Ji, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Relax,” he said as soothingly as he could while trying to calm the other down by caressing his cheeks and planting soft kisses on his jaw.

Jiwon sighed, gave in, and leaned into the kisses. “I don’t know why I reacted like that. I’m sorry.” He said softly, gathering Hanbin in his arms and buried his face on the younger’s neck in embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Hanbin cooed, rubbing his hands down back. “How about we get you home for a rest?”

The other nodded against his neck and slowly made a move to stand up when he remembered something.

“Bin?”

Hanbin turned around from attempting to turn off everything in the studio and hummed, “Yeah?”

“I-I wanna ask you something,” he younger nodded in encouragement. “The tattoo you have on your—on your hip…”

Hanbin froze for a second but quickly schooled his expression. “What about it?”

“Did you get it done to cover cuts?”

_ No. No, no, no._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know this was boring and I'm sorry for that. It's also been awhile since the last chapter, I've just been busy with school (pft more like staring at the wall and wasting away). I tried to insert the smut here but it would be too long and I wanted it to be perfect (and i rlly wanna update already after being so inactive), maybe even a whole fckng chapter for the smut scene just to placate you guys (istg our fandom could pass as the most thirsty when it comes to smut, fite me HAHAHA-- actually dont im weak)


	8. Reassurance

_ “I-I wanna ask you something,” he younger nodded in encouragement. “The tattoo you have on your—on your hip…”_

_ Hanbin froze for a second but quickly schooled his expression. “What about it?”_

_ “Did you get it done to cover cuts?”_

As soon as Hanbin heard Jiwon’s question, his mind went heavy with haziness, and paranoia. He couldn’t be believe how careless he had been about his hip tattoo. He hadn’t slept with Jiwon in the same bed without a shirt on for a very long time and it slipped his mind that he should be on Jiwon’s left side so he’d lie over his hip tattoo when he snuggled to the elder’s side.

Hanbin never wanted to lie to the people he loved and even if he did, he just couldn’t. They would always say that he had visible tells when he lies and now he was starting to shake with fear.

He didn’t realize Jiwon had already closed the distance between them and was already in front of him, “Hey, I didn’t mean to suddenly bring this up. I’m sorry, “ the elder had his hands travel up to Hanbin’s nape to massage him there as he continued, “We can talk about this when you’re ready to tell me everything or anything.” He said it so slowly and consolingly that Hanbin was comforted a little and some of the tension in his shoulder had gone. But he still couldn’t look at the elder in the eyes.

Jiwon moved to settle Hanbin down on the couch while he turned off everything in the studio, collected their things, and turning off the lights.

“Bin, let’s go home for some rest.” The elder murmured when he crouched down to face the still frozen silent Hanbin; the latter nodded and cautiously stood up from his seat.

They headed down the corridor and rode the elevator. Jiwon had a hand on the small of his back while he still hung his head in shame and nervousness.

He could hear a conversation between Jiwon and their manager, Jaeho, before being led to the car but he couldn’t really register anything.

As soon as they shuffled inside the car and had taken the furthest seat, Jiwon gently positioned his head against the elder’s shoulder where his right hand settled with the left one finding the spot on Hanbin’s side.

“Have some rest, Bin. I’ll wake you up when we get there,” Jiwon softly murmured against the top his head and left a kiss.

Hanbin only hummed in reply and closed his eyes. But he couldn’t really sleep as he was dreading being alone with Jiwon again. He didn’t know what he’d say. Only his tattoo artist had seen the scars and story behind them. But this was Jiwon. He loved Jiwon _so much_. He was scared. Scared of Jiwon thinking he was fucked up, scared that he’d see Hanbin the way the younger already saw himself—damaged good, scared that just when he could already see a future for them… he’d be gone again.

Jiwon was alarmed when he could feel a little wetness against his shirt, but tried to relax and think of a better way to comfort Hanbin instead of making things worse by fussing over the young too much that he’d get scared and shut himself out from other people.

He saw that happen once, he never wanted to see it again. Jiwon knew how extremely proud the younger could get and would never admit to a moment’s weakness if it meant he’d be vulnerable as a whole. He could only wish that Hanbin loved him enough to melt the walls he’s trying to put up and let Jiwon help him.

At their arrival at the apartment building, he jostled the younger a little bit to “wake him up” even when he knew that the other hadn’t really slept.

Hanbin still hid in his neck and had put his hat and mask on when they entered. A few quietly alarmed looks greeted them, but one glare and a shake of his head made them halt when Jiwon led the younger to his room instead of the latter’s. He remembered how the younger always get easily comforted being in his room, covered in his scent and presence.

He settled Hanbin down his bed, got rid of the younger’s shoes, socks, pants, hat, mask, and jacket, and tossed them on his gaming chair. He contemplated whether to take off Hanbin’s shirt but he didn’t wanna make him panic so let him curl up with a blanket enveloping him.

Jiwon bent to kiss Hanbin’s head before heading out of the room to talk to the guys.

As soon as he got into the living room, Chanwoo and Junhoe snapped their heads in his direction but before they could attack him with questions, Jiwon shushed them and said, “Bin’s a little sensitive right now so I’m gonna need you guys to be as quiet as possible while I try to calm him down.”

“But what happened?” Junhoe asked, still every bit as confused and worried.

“I can’t tell for sure right now, but I’ll try and get you guys updated as much as Hanbin consents.”

The two nodded in silence and stood to leave the apartment, not wanting to make the other two uncomfortable knowing that they were outside the room.

“Text us if something happens, hyung.” Donghyuk said as he patted his shoulder and made to follow Junhoe out of the apartment which Jiwon locked, just in case.

He sighed and went back to his room where he found Hanbin still curled up and still visibly tensed. He got rid of his own clothes, leaving his underwear on as he crawled beside Hanbin beneath the duvet and scooped the younger to him against Jiwon’s body.

Running his hands through Hanbin’s hair seemed to relax the younger a little and melted against him more.

“You okay?” he asked, a little worried as he couldn’t really see the younger’s face.

Hanbin hummed and moved one of his hands away from his face to hug Jiwon, as well as burying his face more on the latter’s neck than his own hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a breathy whisper.

“No, _I’m _sorry.”

“Oh, Bin, you shouldn’t be sorry. Never. I should be apologizing for not being there for you enough, or sensing that you were so troubled and down. I was your bestfriend… I-I should’ve been there for you more.”

A beat of silence. “Hyung, I don’t think you get it. You weren’t lacking as a bestfriend, you guys never fell short in making me feel loved. But—B-But, I guess… I guess was just too fucked up. I let my anxiety get to me that I spiral down the road to a certain point I couldn’t find my way back. I’m weak, I know that even as I let on being a solid rock.” He was rambling now, but he felt like he just had to get it out now or else Jiwon would think he wasn’t enough of a friend. “It wasn’t your fault I was weak. I was so weak for not going through my problems like a normal person would and instead resorted to inflicting pain on myself.”

He took a breath and continued rambling on without noticing he was holding on to Jiwon so tight, “I was scared that I was feeling too numb. I got to the point where all the pain kept stacking up that it wasn’t painful anymore. I would go through a day on auto-pilot, confused, and eventually numb. The times where I snap out of it when I’m alone at night in my room or in my studio, I thought that maybe a little cut wouldn’t hurt that much. I tried so hard to convince myself that I was okay, that I was in control, that I only did it to feel at present.”

“W-What… What triggered it? When did you start cutting?” He could tell Jiwon was trying so hard to be strong for him and comfort him but it only served to make Hanbin guiltier. He started to retract his hand from hugging on Jiwon but the latter held it in place, leaving another kiss on his head.

“Before d-debut. That’s when it all came crashing down with my Dad’s scandal, people demanding that I shouldn’t debut when my father was charged for embezzlement, people suspecting that I had only gotten as far as to debut due to my family’s money, the pressure of debuting as the main producer, choreographer, and leader of the group, feeling guilty for snapping at you guys and redirecting my anger towards you. I felt like I was in deep shit and I let it consume me.

It stopped for a while when we’ve had some good reviews and sales, so I had it covered with the tattoos. But it came back, I don’t think it ever left my head though, waiting to rear its horns once again. Last year… Last year was pretty hard, to say the least. We had a comeback, but more than a few people said it was a flop, that we were a flop, that we didn’t live up to the hype. We were constantly compared to seniors of YG, as well as our juniors. It hurt, a lot. Because I knew it was my fault and—“ Jiwon tried to stop him and say something but Hanbin shushed him and went on, “As much as you try to defend me, I know that most of it was my fault. And before I knew it, I was weak again. My head was a mess. And I… I met someone,”

“Go on, baby, I’m listening. I’m here.”

_But Hanbin didn’t know for how long_. He doubted if Jiwon would still be here if he admitted to this. He wanted to be honest, but he was scared that the prize for it woud be Jiwon leaving him.

“I met a girl. She talked about some… some alternative.”

Jiwon tensed and for a moment, he had stopped rubbing his back but he seemed to have gathered himself in a few seconds and continued to caress him. “What alternative?”

_ “Drugs.”_

He could both feel and hear as the elder sucked in a breath, taken aback by his confession.

“Bin, d-did you…”

“Did I use drugs? No, not really. But I bought ‘em. Even had them delivered. I stared at it for hours, for an entire day. I was hopeful that maybe this was it, I’d never have to resort to cutting myself, that this would help me redirect my emotions. But I was still reluctant. I’m not stupid but I can’t say I’m smart either. I knew the side-effects it would lead to—not to mention, dreading the disappointment in your faces if any of you knew. I loved you guys too much. And then I realized that I loved you guys more than I loved myself. That it didn’t matter if I was hurting, as long as you guys wouldn’t. My mother would question herself, Hanbyul’s image of her perfect big brother will be shattered, and I could only imagine the disappointment and hurt and regret you guys would feel. I never used, never touched its contents but it still haunts me from time to time.”

Jiwon sighed and hugged him a bit tighter before letting him go a little so he could look at Hanbin’s face and held it in place as the younger tried to bury himself back into Jiwon’s neck. “Bin, listen to me, baby.” He tilted his head a little higher, waiting for Hanbin to lift his eyes to Jiwon before continuing, “All those experiences you’ve had, the issues you’ve faced, the choices you’ve made, and the emotions you felt shouldn’t be held against you as much you shouldn’t bring yourself down. You’re not weak, Bin. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known and it only made me think more of you as such after confiding in me with everything. I understand if you blamed yourself for everything but remember that a lot of it weren’t just your fault and some of it wasn’t even close to being your fault, and I need you to understand that.”

Caressing the younger’s face, he brought their foreheads against each other, “You are the best son, the best brother, the best leader, the best producer, and the best lover anyone could ever ask for and anyone who questions that must’ve lived a bitter and sad life, and you shouldn’t concern yourself with negative people when there are many more who appreciates you for everything and anything you do.” He pressed a kiss on Hanbin’s forehead, lingering there for a little bit, and said, _“I love you, Kim Hanbin. _I love you for all your scars, for all of your issues, for all of your suffering, and for all you’ve been through. Thank you for telling me everything and I promise to do my _damn hardest_ so that you wouldn’t have to go through more pain than you’ve already gone through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's actually supposed to be long but I cut it off to upload this part. The content, as you can tell, addresses Hanbin's story dealing with all the hate he's gotten that drove him to almost resorting to drugs. I wanna make it clear that this is pure fan FICTION and I am not claiming that everything is true but I do hope everyone gets the message I was trying to say.
> 
> That people shouldn't fault one person for feeling so down to the point that they think of resorting to drugs, self-harm, or suicide. It's not their fault, it's the society's. I hope we'd be a better fandom, instead of being one of those who spreads hate no matter what a person, in this case-- an idol, does as we don't know the full story, doesn't mean they're a public figure we're entitled to throw unwarranted hate. The same goes for what happened with Sulli (may her soul rest in peace), no matter how much they blame her for her own death, only seeing it as a suicide, I will always think of it as murder. She was murdered by the netizens' continued hate that it drove her to end it all. And I wish no one would ever go through that again. If one of you out there reading this who was and always will be a fan of hers, my sincere condolences to you, the family, the fandom, her friends, and to SM Ent. artists who are deeply affected by this.


	9. At Your Beck and Call

_ “I love you, Kim Hanbin. I love you for all your scars, for all of your issues, for all of your suffering, and for all you’ve been through. Thank you for telling me everything and I promise to do my damn hardest so that you wouldn’t have to go through more pain than you’ve already gone through.”_

It was Hanbin’s turn to sigh with relief, all his worry and dread melting away with Jiwon by his side reassuring, holding, and loving him despite everything he’s admitted to. He wouldn’t even blame the guy if he decided to end everything between them, tell on him, make him leave iKON. But, it turns out that Jiwon loved him more than he thought the guy would. And he was over the moon for it.

“Hyung?” he said after a few minutes of their shared yet comfortable silence.

Jiwon hummed, “Yeah, Bin?”

“I just realized I haven’t said I love you, too.”

Hanbin could feel rather than see Jiwon’s smile against his hair as he nuzzled his head in amusement, “How about we go somewhere? To shake off everything.”

“Dun wanna,” Hanbin was back to being whiny at the prospect of leaving the bed in Jiwon’s safe arms.

“Why not? I wanna distract you from all of this heavy talk. I wanna see you laugh and smile.”

Jiwon was _shocked_ at the sight that greeted him when Hanbin raised from the bed and situated himself on top of him as the younger was sporting a very dangerous-looking smirk and alluring eyes. “I could think of a few ways you could distract me.”

He gulped. Hanbin’s duality was proving to be something he’ll never see coming. One minute the younger would be soft, pliant, shy, and sweet, and then the next he’d corner him with the most enticing pair of dark orbs looking like he’d either swallow him whole or wanted Jiwon to consume his entire being.

Gone were the shaking, pouting, and teary-eyed Hanbin.

“Bin, I just told Yun last night that I’d take it slow, that I wouldn’t rush into things with you. And you look like that’s _exactly_ what you’re trying to do.”

And maybe Jiwon was still a little sceptical in touching Hanbin as he wasn’t really experienced with guys, and he knew the younger has had his little escapades here and there. Call him paranoid and weird but he actually wanna do his research first and maybe get himself tested for anything, just to be sure. This was Hanbin, after all.

Hanbin scoffed and only purred, “What did you think I was planning to do?” with playful eyebrows to match.

“Yah, you can’t fool me with your innocent, soft voice. We’ll do this right, Bin.”

The younger rolled his eyes, “And by right you mean…?”

“Cheesy dates, sweet monologues, flowers and chocolates, love letters, getting to know each other. You know, all those Romeo and Juliet type of shit.” Jiwon sounded so sickeningly sappy that he laughed at himself as soon as the words were out.

“Hyuuung,” Hanbin was starting to whine again and it only made him laugh more, “we’ve gone to a lot of dates—movie dates, studio dates, binging-on-street-food dates, you’ve just given me the sweetest monologue a few minutes ago, I’m literally always with flowers, chocolates makes me fat, I don’t need any letters when you’ve already written me songs, and we’ve known each other for literally half of our lives. _And_ Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy where Romeo died, what the fuck do you mean.” Hanbin deadpanned.

Jiwon laughed more at Hanbin’s tactic. “No, no, no.”

“You sure I can’t convince you otherwise?” he asked with the most mischievous tone of voice, a last wink and slowly dove to Jiwon’s neck lapping onto it with kitten licks and playful, teasing bites.

Jiwon groaned at the instant power that younger had on him. _“Fuck, _Bin.”

Hanbin’s way of answer was travelling from Jiwon’s collarbone with open-mouthed kisses and hot breaths all the way to his jaw, nipping and biting, and then settling more to his mouth. It was obvious with the way Hanbin would tease him with deep kisses but then retreating a little just to have Jiwon chasing those damnably soft, rosy lips with his own that the former was very much experienced with teasing and loved doing it.

With a grunt at Hanbin’s attempt to retreat again, he reaches his hands up from gripping Hanbin’s waist in one hand and his nape in another to clamp the younger’s head against his. Their lips met and soon lips turned to tongues, and soon tongues were joined with teeth. Hanbin, the little shit, moaned and groaned obnoxiously loud knowing no one was in the apartment with them and knowing that Jiwon reacted to it with such vigor just spurred the younger on.

Jiwon felt like a fucking furnace, but he felt like he had to get closer, press Hanbin onto him more, more contact, no spaces. He wanted to feel everything, his skin was itching from it. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he manhandled Hanbin into switching their position, with him finally pressing himself more to the younger. He continued clamping Hanbin’s face in position to relentlessly attack his lips, his tongue, his entire being.

There was nothing in the world that Jiwon wanted right now other than feeling Hanbin’s skin against his own with no barriers. But he knew that the moment he’d make a move to strip the younger of his clothes, he would go berserk and nothing and no one could stop him from then on. He didn’t wanna back down on his promise. As much as he was painfully aroused right now, he’d be a hypocrite if he let his carnal instincts get over him.

He was feeling hot all over and Hanbin’s delicate fingers ghosting over them made it all the more difficult to return to his sanity.

A few seconds in and he could already feel Hanbin slowly raising his feet and settling it around Jiwon’s hips, tightening around them, and then finally pulling the elder’s hips so that his crotch rubbed against his own. The friction made both of them gasp and stopped kissing for a while as the jolt took their breath away.

_ “Jesus _fucking _Christ, Hanbin. _You’re gonna be the death of me,” he growled at the younger, forcing Hanbin to look at him through sweaty bangs, and heavy-lidded eyes, looking drunk just from their foreplay when the little fucker initiated it.

Hanbin made a move to nibble on Jiwon’s collarbone while still continuing to grind his hips up, rolling them seductively, and moaning so beautifully. That alone could’ve finished him off and he was so close to snapping.

_ Oh, God, I wanna do right by him. I really do. _But the guy’s _pure fucking sin_ that he was barely holding on.

_ “Hyung,” _Hanbin whimpered against his neck, arching his beautiful body in full surrender to Jiwon to do with as the elder pleased, tilting his head a little to expose his neck for Jiwon to feast on.

The sight was Jiwon’s unbecoming. He licked and bit his lower lip, fighting off the impossibly thrumming arousal making him lose his mind. Hanbin was a moaning, crying mess beneath him. He looked so vulnerable, so damned _fuckable_, and knowing that he would be, and from then on, the only person allowed to see him like that made Jiwon groan and once again, attacked Hanbin’s neck but this time leaving marks, love bites, licking them and kissing them as soon as the purple spread beautifully across the younger’s neck down to his collarbone and up to his reddening ears (from arousal, shyness, or the heat, Jiwon really didn’t know). But he knew that Hanbin rather looked better with those purple raining down his milky skin.

_“Jiwon,”_ Hanbin sounded strained and frustrated at the slow ministrations, but Jiwon was determined to take his time.

“Baby, I just promised your two pseudo-overprotective mothers that there’d be _no fucking yet._ They’d have my head in a stick if they found out I’m molesting you.”

Hanbin huffed and rolled his eyes like a teenage girl convinced that his parents was out there ruining his life. _Dramatic_. “I’ll be damned if they’ll be the reason we’ll both be cockblocked. That’s, like, the most lame cockblock ever. And it isn’t counted as molesting as it is purely consensual. But, if you don’t get on with it, it won’t be me who’ll be on the receiving end of molestation.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at Hanbin’s eagerness to get things moving but Jiwon wanted to take his time. He didn’t wanna treat Hanbin like a quick fuck. He wanted slow, passionate kisses; scalding, fleeting touches; explore every centimetre of Hanbin’s body, to memorize it, have it subconsciously mapped. He didn’t wanna fuck Hanbin. He wanted to make love to him. Like how those cheesy movies showed, those poets with their unending metaphors for sex, like how the fairytales made them believe.

Bringing a hand up to caress Hanbin’s cheeks, he slowly sank back to the younger’s lips. This time, there weren’t desperate clawing at each other. They were taking their time feeling each other’s lips making sure that they’d recognize them amidst all the other lips in the world just by how they feel against their own. They were taking their time finding the perfect angle, perfect fit to have their mouth aligned perfectly so they could kiss deeper. They were taking their time when Jiwon gently swiped a tongue across Hanbin’s lower lip.

With a contented sigh, Hanbin opened his mouth so Jiwon could travel every crevice of his mouth, staking claim to every inch of his being. Their movements languid, Hanbin’s hand resting on Jiwon’s back to urge him on, while the latter slowly crept his hands down to the hem of the younger’s shirt, inching it up with a sure touch in every skin exposed.

“Jiwon, I _need _you,” Hanbin keened at him, back arching restlessly at every touch and travel of Jiwon’s hand on him.

Jiwon shifted a little, ripping his eyes away from the younger’s exposed skin, “You know I’d do anything for you, baby,” he said, letting a hand go from Hanbin’s torso to his cheeks, caressing softly at the heated, pink-tinged cheeks that he instinctively leaned into the touch.

“Th-Then I want—I want you to break me apart and piece me back together. Right here, right now,” gone were the younger’s playful antics and teasing. This was a genuine plea. A trust he gave to Jiwon after being exposed in his most vulnerable state.

In the end, it wasn’t the sexual tension between them, wasn’t Hanbin’s pliant and lithe body electrocuting him in every touch, wasn’t Jiwon’s cracking resolve. It was this. It was Hanbin’s _need _for Jiwon. It was the need for reassurance, need for a sense of belongingness in whatever they had right now. And Jiwon would do absolutely everything so that Hanbin would never doubt himself, doubt Jiwon, or doubt their relationship.

As gently as he could, Jiwon took off Hanbin’s shirt and revels in Hanbin’s upper body. For a moment, Jiwon settled into Hanbin’s mouth, coaxing him to relax and calm down, to trust him wholeheartedly without just _want for sex_ hanging on to them. A few seconds later, Hanbin’s tense form finally melted into pure submission to Jiwon’s ministrations.

With a last peck on the younger’s lips, he made his way from kissing the flushed cheeks, the closed eyes, the Roman god yet adorable nose, and experimentally flicking a tongue to brush over the shell of Hanbin’s ear. The answering moan made him smile. He wanted to explore and know which parts of Hanbin’s body got the best reactions and pleasure out of the younger, noting every response.

He travelled further down to the glorious neck that had tilted instinctively as if in offering for Jiwon, pressing open-mouthed kisses and lingering on a spot just above the younger’s pulse point noting how Hanbin shivered and panted at the constant attention of that one particular spot.

“Jiwon, I want more, babe, p-please—_ahhh,” _Hanbin’s high-pitched and unfiltered scream shot through the room as he cupped the younger’s erection without warning.

Jiwon just wouldn’t have it for the younger to complain on just about anything, particularly right now. He could map out Hanbin’s entire being some other time when he was finished taking care of _Hanbin’s_ wants instead of his own.

“Let me take care you, baby, okay?” Jiwon whispered against Hanbin’s chest as the latter let out a whine of approval. Go figure.

Jiwon flicked his tongue over the younger’s nipple, and the instant he did, Hanbin thrashed against the sheets as he arched for _more_. So, Jiwon continued to lap against the sensitive nipple, biting and sucking and licking incessantly, while tweaking the other with his fingers.

Not long after, Jiwon pulled back resulting in a very indignant whine from the younger to echo in the room. Hanbin made a move to pull the older back against him but the latter gently wrapped his hands around the former and kissed them.

“Patience, love,” he chastised but Hanbin wasn’t having it, unsurprisingly, as the younger’s brows furrowed and his lower lip jutted out a little forming a very quail-like pout.

Jiwon let go of Hanbin’s hand and worked on peeling off the younger’s shirt and underwear, exposing every inch of the delectable skin.

_ “Fuck,”_ he muttered, rather involuntarily, at the sight.

“Uh-huh, That’s kind of the aim here,” Hanbin said with a smirk, seeing how Jiwon is enjoying the view… of him. Hanbin would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit shy at the prospect of Jiwon seeing him entirely naked like this when they were about to fuck, instead of showering together like they often did but after seeing Jiwon’s lust-filled eyes freeze and openly admire at the sight of him, the shyness melted into him feeling like the most beautiful creature. Jiwon held that much power and influence on him.

Jiwon wasted no time in reaching out to caress Hanbin’s inner thighs as he worked on spreading them further. Trailing open-mouthed, hot kisses up the younger’s right thigh while kneading on the other, working his way up but stopped just when he was at Hanbin’s most-awaited part, leaving him achingly hard and untouched.

Jiwon, who Hanbin was convinced to be as the most cocktease person in the world, had pulled away again to remove his remaining clothes, namely his underwear, but the younger was fast to rise up from the bed and slapped Jiwon’s hands away to remove the material himself. Shoving it, all the way down the elder’s knees, he was then face-to-face with an angry looking dick springing up, flushed red and heavy and hard… _fuck, he was big._

Hanbin, who Jiwon was convinced to be an enigma in bed, had risen completely and quickly shoved Jiwon down to lie in bed. The younger immediately rid the elder of his underwear completely off his legs and dove to the waiting member of the latter.

“Bin, what—_AH!”_ Jiwon was immediately cut off as Hanbin had licked a stripe on his cock’s underside, the latter’s tongue swirling on the head with spit running down his mouth, spit meeting pre-cum. _“Holy shit,”_

Through heavy-lidded eyes, Hanbin met Jiwon’s eyes as he continued his assault on the elder’s erection, which made Jiwon groan and bite his lip at the sight of the younger slowly inching his way down the shaft, his mouth stretching gloriously, spit and pre-cum dribbling down his chin. Reaching down to grab a fistful of Hanbin’s hair, the younger moaned and the added vibration of his mouth on Jiwon’s dick made him buck his hips and unintentionally made the younger gag.

“Oh, fuck. Baby, I’m sorry.” He tried to grab the younger’s head from his erection but Hanbin furiously clamped his hands on Jiwon’s hips so he’d stay still.

When Jiwon had settled back on the bed again, albeit begrudgingly, Hanbin raised one hand to take the spit and pre-cum on his chin and licked his fingers. The sight nearly made Jiwon cum right then and there, but Hanbin had other plans.

Hanbin crawled on top of Jiwon with such predatory gracefulness of a panther and settled to straddle his hips, his hands steadying himself in Jiwon’s panting chest.

“Hyung, remember how you promised me that I’ll have you to myself to do with as I wish?” Hanbin purred by Jiwon’s ear, his breath hot and ghosting over sensitive parts of his face.

“Y-Yeah,” he replied and settled a hand on Hanbin’s waist, caressing softly on the scars.

_ “Will you let me ride you?”_

The softly spoken request nearly made him choke on his own saliva. Everything in him froze but was immediately melted by the renewed heat surging through his body at the prospect of Hanbin _riding him_.

It looked like the question was just a sense of provoking Jiwon with formality but the younger didn’t really wait for a response from him as he scrambled out of the bed and went out of the room and proceeded down the hall, leaving the elder shocked out of his wits to register what was happening or where the younger was heading to buck naked.

Hanbin didn’t take long though, as he returned with a bottle of lube and a packet of condom in hand.

“Where’d you even get those from?” he asked, bewildered.

The younger grinned mischievously, “Junhoe.”

“And why do you know he has those?”

The grin widened at the question, “It seems like you really don’t know your neighbours, hyung.”

Jiwon didn’t have the time to be confused at what the younger was implying as Hanbin proved to be the biggest distraction in his life when the latter settled back on his hips, straddling Jiwon once again. His hands flew to grip Hanbin’s hips once again but still wary of the scars, even when he knew that it had been healed long ago.

Hanbin tilted his head charmingly and dangled the bottle of lube in his face as he asked, almost innocently and sweetly, “Will you prep me?”

Jiwon felt like a bucket of ice was thrown over him at the question. _What the fuck does he do now? _He knew next to the nothing about same-sex intercourse which was one of the reasons he’d been reluctant to start anything he couldn’t finish. Not that he didn’t want to, but he was just afraid of fucking up and hurting Hanbin.

He is in deep shit right now.

Hanbin seemed to have sensed his fear as he smiled indulgently and said, “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll guide you through it so you wouldn’t hurt me.”

The younger took the hand Jiwon had from his scarred hip and poured lube on it, “You have to warm up the lube first before prepping someone.” He said gently as he warmed up the lube on Jiwon’s hands with his own and then gently guided it towards his hole. “Massage it a little before inserting _one_ finger at a time.”

Jiwon tentatively massaged Hanbin’s hole and when the younger nodded at him, he hesitatingly inserted one finger. The reaction was immediate and Jiwon was alarmed but there was no signs of Hanbin being in pain as the younger merely closed his eyes and sighed at the sensation. Jiwon took his time in exploring and feeling his way with pushing and pulling his finger inside Hanbin but the younger was soon impatient.

“Add another one, hyung.”

Like a lovesick (read: lost) puppy, Jiwon did as he was told and inserted another. Hanbin keened and Jiwon thought that it was too early to feel smug.

“Oh, and no scissoring, hyung. Another one,”

“How long does this usually take?” He asked, a little breathless at the sight of Hanbin’s back arching, his head thrown back as Jiwon inserted another finger.

“A little impatient, are we?” Hanbin purred, and Jiwon retaliated by attempting to pull out his fingers, only to slam it back. It seemed to have hit a spot, as a shout of immense pleasure shot through from Hanbin’s lips, the younger’s nails digging onto Jiwon’s chest.

“What the fuck was that? You okay?” Jiwon felt a little panicked as he stopped moving his fingers. Hanbin didn’t look like he was in pain but then again this was his first experience with a guy and didn’t know how this could go… and maybe he was a bit of a paranoid when it comes to Hanbin.

“Don’t stop,” Hanbin gasped, “you just found my prostate, and I need you to find it again.”

Jiwon did not need to be told twice as he moved inside of Hanbin again, a little too concentrated at finding the said prostate, that the latter laughed a little at his serious face. But the laughter was replaced with a gasp and moan as Jiwon found his prostate.

“Don’t attack it too much. Or this will happen all too quickly, and we both wouldn’t want that.”

Feeling a little smug, Jiwon hadn’t stopped his ministrations of moving inside Hanbin and occasionally hitting his prostate, and his other hand made its way to the younger’s nipples, tweaking it gently which emitted a whimper from Hanbin. Jiwon got up to a sitting position without removing his hands on Hanbin as he came face to face with Hanbin’s nipple. Without warning, he lapped at the sensitive bud—biting and sucking.

_ “Oh, f-fuck,”_ Hanbin moaned, his hands flying up to grip Jiwon’s hair. He tugged his head up, stopping him from his assault on the younger’s nipple, to kiss Hanbin. It was messy, sloppy, and loud, the sound of it too lewd to further describe. Hanbin bit on his lower lip and whispered in his ear, “Lie back down again, _now._”

With a groan, Jiwon, settled back again as Hanbin reached for the condom, tearing it open expertly and slowly slid it on Jiwon’s dick. The younger proceeded to pour copious amount of lube on his dick and massaged it, making Jiwon growl and his grip on Hanbin’s hips tightened.

Hanbin smirked at the prospect of Jiwon leaving marks all over him, feeling his strength, but never hurting him too much, as he responded to everything Hanbin does. Those bruises will be his reminder, and he knew he’d blush every time he saw them.

Adding some lube on his hole, he slowly aligned it to Jiwon’s dick, never taking his eyes off of Jiwon as he slowly sunk into his shaft. Hanbin had seen Jiwon’s dick before, fantasized about them too much for his own good, even jerked off with the memory of it from countless shared showers, but now that he was really taking in the elder’s length, he was almost overwhelmed with how thick it got when aroused. Hanbin was experienced, yeah, but he’s only had limited experiences with _huge_ dicks and never got used to them.

With a hold on Jiwon’s dick and his own butt cheeks, he knew he only had _half_ of Jiwon in.

_ “Jesus fucking Christ,_ hyung.”

“Baby, maybe we should—“

Jiwon wasn’t able to finish his sentence as Hanbin had sank down, taking him in fully, without warning. The warm feeling of being inside Hanbin all tight and heavy against his dick made him groan. He was sure he’d left bruises anywhere he got his hands on the younger.

Hanbin took his time catching his breath and stilling, getting used to the feeling of Jiwon. _Oh, fuck, he’s gonna need more_ _preparation next time._

Jiwon gently guided Hanbin’s head to him, as he peppered kisses all over the latter’s face, caressing his cheeks, and carding his hand through Hanbin’s hair, “If it’s too much, maybe we should stop.”

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way in hell I’m stopping this.” Hanbin said with the most seductive grin he’s ever seen as he pushed Jiwon to lie down properly again and positioned his hands on the elder’s chest.

He circled his hips a little, the movement making the both of them grunt and moan at the sensation. Slowly, he rose a little and slammed back down. Hanbin continued to rock on his hips, unfiltered moans and lewd words coming out of his lips.

As much as Jiwon marvelled at sight of Hanbin on top of him, he much preferred the sight of Hanbin underneath him as he writhed in pleasure. With that in mind, he manhandled Hanbin to switch their positions but still gently laid him down on the sheets—too gentle for what had just happened—without removing his shaft.

“Hyung,” Hanbin whimpered as he gripped Jiwon’s arms.

“Tell me what you want, baby. Tell me what you need.”

_ “I need you to fuck me. Hard.”_

Jiwon growled. He raised Hanbin’s legs and settled it over his shoulder as he all but bent the younger, their position granting him better access to drill his dick more into Hanbin. The younger arched his back relentlessly, thrashing on the sheets, and leaving scratches all over Jiwon’s arms.

“I want to hear you scream for me, baby.”

Like a spell, Hanbin took his fist that was in his mouth to stop himself from screaming, a series of moans, groans, _yes, jiwon, shit, _and _fuck _filled the room. Jiwon wished he could’ve recorded the beautiful screams. Jiwon wished everyone had heard it. The guys Hanbin used to date, the flings Jiwon used to have. He wanted it to be a testament of Hanbin belonging to him, and him committing himself to Hanbin.

Jiwon let Hanbin’s legs fall from his shoulder and instead hooked it over his waist, so he could kiss Hanbin, swallow down every scream, leaving a line of bites and hickeys all over Hanbin’s neck and collarbone. Hanbin’s hand stopped its torture on Jiwon’s arms as he started gripping furiously the latter’s back, leaving fresh wounds and bruises as Jiwon lapped at his nipples, tweaking them and biting them, his other hand finding Hanbin’s untouched dick, stroking it mercilessly in time with his thrusts for overstimulation

“Jiwon, I’m close.”

“Don’t hold back, baby. Cum for me.”

That was all the push Hanbin needed as he saw white, the coil forming on his stomach finding its release, his own cum decorating both his and Jiwon’s stomach. The sight was Jiwon’s last straw and his own release shot through as he came inside Hanbin. He rode their climax through with continued, lazy thrusts but after a while, his body collapsed on top of the younger as his limbs gave out.

“Babe, you’re heavy as hell,”

Jiwon chuckled, “You really just had to say it?” he said as he rolled off of Hanbin and settled beside him. He gathered Hanbin in his arms, the younger looking too blissed out and was positively glowing in his post-coital state.

He kissed Hanbin’s forehead and made a move to get out of bed to get a towel to clean both of them but the latter tightened his hold on Jiwon. “Don’t go,”

“Just for a while, Bin. I need to clean us up.”

Hanbin groaned but let him go with a grunt, eyes already closed. Jiwon got up to head over to the bathroom where all the towels were. He wiped himself with a wet towel and got another one for Hanbin.

Heading back in a zombie-like state of mind, he didn’t notice someone was right in front of him. His eyes widened at the realization that someone was inside the apartment, probably heard what had just happned, and was now seeing him in his naked glory.

“Holy mother of—DONGHYUK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Jiwon thundered, horrified at the sight of his grinning member.

“This is my apartment, too, hyung. Why? Did you do something?” He asked cheerily. Looking like he already knew what had happened.

“Crap.”

Donghyuk rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry, hyung. I won’t tell Yunhyeong-hyung.” With a teasing wink and laugh, he left to saunter off to his own room.

“Kim Jiwon!” Hanbin’s shout snapped him out of his reverie and got him running towards his room.

“Hanbin? Baby, what happened? Are you okay?” he fussed over the sleepy, angry quail in bed.

“What took you so goddamed long?” Hanbin snapped at him.

Jiwon let out a breath, realizing that the younger must’ve just been upset but not hurt. But he didn’t wanna worry Hanbin so he shook his head and coaxed the younger to lie back down so he could clean him. “Nothing, baby. Come on, let’s get you cleaned so we can go to sleep, yeah?”

Hanbin, looking like he was too tired to read into it, had given up and let Jiwon clean him. When the latter finished, he made grabby hands so Jiwon settled down beside him and tucked Hanbin against his chest, his arms wrapping Hanbin tightly, reaching over the duvet with his foot, he cocooned them both.

“Goodnight, baby.”

Hanbin hummed, “’Night, hyung,” he slurred and was immediately asleep after Jiwon planted a kiss at his temple.

The next morning, Jiwon stirred and blinked at the harsh sunlight that had made its way to the room. Great. He forgot to close the curtains.

Groaning, he hugged Hanbin tighter. The younger immediately woke up at the feeling of not being able to breathe properly.

“Ugh, hyung,” he whined and bit Jiwon’s neck that was pressed on his mouth and nose.

Jiwon laughed and let the younger go but still keeping him close. Hanbin glared at him half-heartedly before breaking into a huge grin.

“Good morning, handsome,” he greeted as he rose from bed to peer over Jiwon settling his hands on the elder’s chest, already half on top of him.

Jiwon snaked an arm around Hanbin while his other hand went to caress the younger’s beautiful face, glowing and radiant in the morning, such a contrast from yesterday’s wake up call.

“Good—“

“LOVE BIRDS, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST ALREADY. AND DON’T THINK ABOUT PRETENDING NOT TO HEAR ME! JIWON, YOUR FINAL RECORDING WILL BE A FEW HOURS FROM NOW SO CHOP FUCKING CHOP!”

Of course, Yunhyeong just had to crash down on their honeymoon illusion with his mother-like instincts to ruin anything romantic going on with his child.

“YES, MOM!” They shouted in unison and laughed at the elder’s indignant squawk.

Jiwon got up first while the younger was still lazily attempting to get up. Hanbin propped a leg down on the floor and heaved himself up but immediately flopped back down in bed with a pained groan. Jiwon _panicked._

“Hanbin? What happened?” Jiwon rushed over to him, leaving his attempt at getting dressed.

Hanbin just laughed as he rolled over, “My ass fucking hurts, hyung. That’s what happened. You know, for a guy who hasn’t fucked another guy, you’re hardcore.”

“Oh shit, this is all my fault, I shouldn’t have—“

“Oh, hush. I’m okay. It’s normal,” he laughed at Jiwon’s confusion, “well, normal being how you all but hammered into me last night, this soreness is normal.”

“But—“

“Shush. Just bring breakfast over here and eat with me in bed. I’ll need a minute or two here if I wanna walk properly later.”

Jiwon’s shoulders slumped. He felt guilty and contemplated if he was too rough last night. But, Hanbin just asked him of something and he wasted no time to do it immediately. He put on some sweatpants that he found hanging off of his closet, decided to forego a shirt, kissed Hanbin’s forehead, and rushed out of the room to get the younger’s breakfast.

When he went outside to their kitchen, everyone was already in the dining room to eat whatever Yunhyeong had cooked for breakfast.

“Hey, we’re gonna eat inside my room. Where’s our breakfast?” He asked in general but when he whirled around to look at them properly, everyone just kept staring at him, looking appalled. “W-What?”

The maknae line broke into a grin while the hyung line pointed an accusatory finger at him which made him jump back to grip the kitchen counter. _What the fuck did he do now?_

“What the fuck happened to your neck, arms, and back, Kim Jiwon?” Yunhyeong asked menacingly, making Jiwon gulp with shaking eyes. _Oh, shit._ He forgot about those and he just got out of his room half-naked, his entire body littered with bruises, hickeys, scratches, and wounds from Hanbin digging his nails at him.

He gulped again and said, “I was attacked by a bear…?”

“Hanbin-hyung and Jiwon-hyung had sex last night.” Donghyuk informed _helpfully._

“Yah, Kim Donghyuk!” he was about to strangle the younger but, once again, Hanbin’s shout made him drop everything.

**_“Kim Jiwon!”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the much-awaited smut. I'm sorry if I fell short with it or if it was underwhelming. This is my first attempt at smut and I worked on it longer than I had worked on my other chapters. For someone who marinates herself with smut, I get easily flustered writing it myself. I'm gonna work on it, and if you do have something to say about it or maybe tips, feel free to comment or dm me on my twitter. See you on the next chapter!


	10. Only You

A week and a few days after they had that deep conversation and made love, Jiwon had been so busy. He was always up and running to meetings, photoshoots, and dance practices. However, it didn’t stop him from spending time with Hanbin who had every right and excuse to always be with him as he was the group’s leader and therefore, responsible for anything his members did.

To the younger’s disappointment—okay, so maybe it was Jiwon’s disappointment, too—however, sex was off the table until all photoshoots and music video recordings were done. Jiwon had an earful not just from the infamous mother hens—Yun and Nani—but also from his manager, stylists, and make-up artists, when they took in his body’s state. Hanbin, forever the little shit, had only laughed his ass off whenever Jiwon was reprimanded, which was to be expected as he was evil and adorably manipulative to get away with whatever mischief he got himself into. _Yep, that’s where Chanwoo got his manipulative tendencies, he had the best role model._

Jiwon would never forget all the accusations he received from Yunhyeong and Jinhwan…

_“What the fuck could you have been doing that Binnie resorted to scratching and bruising you?”_

_ “You were too rough on him, Jiwon. To think that we trusted you with his innocence!”_

_ “He’s too pure for that!”_

_ “All those efforts of keeping his virtue and innocence untainted only to have it soiled by you, the audacity!”_

_ “If I knew you’d deflower my baby like that, I wouldn’t have trusted you to be in the same room!”_

_ “Isn’t it enough that I’ve seen Donghyuk fooling around with someone, a complete contrast to the sweet boy we’ve raised—“_

_ “OH MY FUCKING GOD, HYUNG!”_

If it wasn’t for Donghyuk butting in to defend himself, the tirade wouldn’t have ended. The horror. It was only to be expected that the two overreacted. He would, too, if he hadn’t initially known what Hanbin was capable of and how much of a bigger contrast he was to everything the members thought of him.

But, he couldn’t, for the love of him, get angry at their hysterics. It was endearing how they looked out for Hanbin and the smile that lighted upon the younger’s face as he marinated in the hyungs’ overprotective, care, and love for him made all the stress from having to deal with the two eldest melt away.

Hanbin always craved for someone’s love, his mental state needed that. And if it was at Jiwon’s expense that he feels all that love from his members, then so be it.

Speaking of the devil, he hadn’t realized he’d been staring at him sleeping for God knows how long, when the younger fluttered his eyes open.

This view of Hanbin in his bed, hair ruffled from a good night’s sleep, adorably puffy face free from makeup, with the rising sun framing his lithe body… Jiwon was in complete and utter awe.

“How long have you been awake?” Hanbin asked groggily, slipping his eyes shut again as he snuggled back into Jiwon’s arms, lips finding its way at the pulse beating in his neck to press the softest kiss there.

Jiwon carded a hand through the younger’s hair to lull him back to sleep, “I don’t think I really slept at all. I wanted to look at you sleep.”

Hanbin huffed and pushed his chest lightly, “What a creep. You should’ve slept, you need some rest. What’s your schedule today again? It’s—_oh.”_

“Yeah,” he breathed into Hanbin’s hair, nuzzling it comfortingly, pressing loud kisses.

He could both hear and feel Hanbin’s sigh against his chest. “How many hours do we have left?”

Slightly letting go of the younger, he blindly reached for his phone that was behind him, placed atop his bedside table. He turned it on and saw the time, “We have approximately four hours before my flight,” he put the phone back and enveloped Hanbin in his arms again, “Do you wanna go somewhere? We could have breakfast down at that café you always loved near Han River? Or order some food in and gather with all of the boys? Or—“

Hanbin tightened his hug on Jiwon and effectively hid his face on his chest, “Can I be selfish and keep you here in this room all to myself?”

“Oh, baby, of course you can. And I am strongly on board with that plan.” He cocooned them further in bed, wrapping them with the duvet that slowly inched away from them.

“You should’ve reminded me with today. I wish I didn’t sleep so I could spend more time with you.” Hanbin quietly murmured.

Jiwon pulled back a little to see Hanbin’s face, his hands finding its way to his cheeks, caressing them with his fingers as he smiled assuredly, “No, you needed that sleep, maybe even more than me seeing how you fussed over every detail from yesterday’s meetings and dance practice. You, my love, are becoming like a mother hen yourself,” he said with a playful tap on the younger’s nose, “I’ll only be gone for three, maybe six days tops. Then I’ll ask Jaeho-hyung for one day off so you can have me all to yourself again.”

Finally, a smile broke out from the younger, “Okay, I’d love that.”

They stayed like that for hours; talking about anything and everything, discussing random stuff and purposefully evading any work-related topic, and hugging each other. Knowing they had only a few hours left to be together, they smothered each other with as much love as possible, so much so that any visible space was not permeated.

The conversation lulled to a more comfortable silence. Of Hanbin playing with the stubbles in his jaw and nipping at them with soft giggles as he drew out various reactions from the other. Of Jiwon burying his head on Hanbin’s soft hair, his one hand caressing the hips that held the scars.

“Hanbin,”

Hanbin hummed, now settling beneath Jiwon’s chin, tucking his head in.

“I love you,”

Slowly, Hanbin pulled back from his place on Jiwon’s neck to look at the elder, “And what, might I ask, brought this on? And I love you, too.”

“I feel like I don’t say it enough.”

Hanbin huffed, “I feel it even when you don’t say it, Ji.”

“Still.”

“Okay, okay. Not gonna argue on that.”

A knock reverberated in Hanbin’s room and both of them immediately stilled. Neither of them wanted their bubble to be popped just yet. They’ve been talking, joking, teasing, kissing and cuddling with one another, curled up in bed with no intention of getting up. But, they had work to do. Jiwon needed to fly to Los Angeles and Hanbin needed to attend meetings and work on their demos. Atleast, Hanbin would be distracted enough when he missed Jiwon.

“Hanbin, Jiwon, you should eat before getting ready,” Yunhyeong softly reminded.

“Yes, hyung,” was the boys’ weak reply.

Jiwon attempted to get up, dragging Hanbin with him—who was purposefully making himself heavier to heave. “Come on. We can eat together, you can help me pack, and then you can take me to the airport. We still have lots of time.”

Hanbin grunted something inaudible, but his pouting and scowling face only made Jiwon chuckle. With one final kiss and a tickle, the younger finally got up with him. They threw on some sweatpants, Hanbin had to put on a jacket (Jiwon’s stolen purple jacket) as it was only Jiwon who wasn’t allowed to have hickeys so the older feasted on his body whenever they’d fool around.

With holding hands, they departed from the room and shuffled to the kitchen, passing by Donghyuk and Chanwoo playing in the living room, and Jinhwan, Yunhyeong, and Junhoe eating in the dining table.

They settled onto their chairs and ate in silence. Everyone dreaded whenever Jiwon would travel anywhere without them as the leader became clingy, sulky, and quiet. It’s not annoying, merely worrying. The young leader would work more than usual, skipped meals, climb on their beds to cuddle when he got home at wee hours of the night. They never really mentioned everything to Jiwon back then as Hanbin forbid it saying that it could affect his travels. This time, they guessed it’s gonna be unpredictable since they’ve just become a new couple—even when neither confirmed it, it was fairly obvious to those close to them.

“Jiwon, you can take your time eating and lounging about as I’ve already told Jaeho-hyung to have someone pack your things for you. You’re not gonna need a lot anyway, right?” Jinhwan said as he put some coffee for the older rapper.

“Yeah, thanks, hyung.”

The members could only pray that everything ran smoothly in Jiwon’s music video shooting in Los Angeles so he could fly back immediately. It’s more worrying when Hanbin’s really lonely and not just sulky, as the younger always withdrew from everyone.

On the way to the airport, the two rappers were relatively quiet. Jiwon had Hanbin wrapped around his arms, with his head tucked into the elder’s neck. The younger would murmur reminders for Jiwon, asking him if he brought this and that, listing things he should and shouldn’t do while shooting alone with just their staff there, setting alarms on his phone, in accordance with the time zone there, when to wake up, sleep, eat.

“Bin, relax. I can handle it. Jaeho and Woohyuk-hyung will be there with me. I’ll be safe and well-rested. And I’ll call you every time.”

Hanbin sighed, “Fine, you have to promise to behave there. Just get work done, don’t get pressured in having to call me. You can just update me from time to time and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay, okay. Now, we got everything covered. But there’s one last thing I think I’m gonna have trouble with once I’m there.”

The younger immediately pulled back from resting on his shoulders to peer at him worriedly, “What is it?” Hanbin asked in scrunched up eyebrows.

Jiwon laughed a little and kissed the forming wrinkles on his forehead, “I love it when you overreact.”

Hanbin elbowed him, “I’m serious, Ji. What is it?”

“Well,” he caressed the younger’s cheek with his thumb, “what am I gonna do if I miss you?”

The sight of Hanbin scowling and then holding back his smile made him laugh, not even flinching when the younger smacked him. “Stop being such a sap. You’re spending too much time with Donghyuk.”

“Aw, I know your heart still fluttered.”

“Shut up,” Hanbin snapped as he flopped back against Jiwon.

“But, seriously. What if I miss you too much?”

“Deal with it. You’re a grown-ass man.”

“I’ll show you a grown-ass man when I come back home,” Jiwon whispered menacingly that the hairs at Hanbin’s nape raised.

Hanbin was flustered but he wasn’t about to give in so he huffed and said, “Uh huh, spoken like a true experienced gay sex god.”

“You can huff and puff now, you’ll see.”

Jiwon sounded so condescending that Hanbin didn’t really take any of it to heart. He literally had to guide the guy step by step in prepping him so he didn’t think there’d be much of a step-up seeing as how they’d had sex once and then just some handjobs, blowjobs, and foreplay.

“Alright, we’ll see.”

“Call me when you arrive safely, yeah?” Hanbin murmured against his neck.

They had arrived at the airport but Hanbin was only allowed to accompany Jiwon on the way there. He wasn’t permitted to really see him checking in as there was too much fans and reporters.

Jiwon kissed the top of the younger’s head, “Of course. Take it easy with work, okay? Yunhyeong and Jinhwan just had one week to relax, don’t start stressing them again or they’re gonna age fifty years ahead of their time.”

Hanbin smiled softly and hummed. “Don’t worry about me and just finish work so you can come home.”

Jiwon was just about to say something when he was cut off by their manager peeking his head in after taking out all their luggage, “Bobby, it’s time to go.”

“Okay, hyung. I’m coming,” He said to the manager and faced Hanbin again, holding his face gently and said, “I left Pooh and my favorite jacket in your bed. I have to go. Bye, Binnie.”

“Bye, hyung,” Hanbin said softly and was left with one last peck on the lips before Jiwon got out of the van.

As soon as the door opened and Jiwon got out, fans armed with gigantic camera lenses snapped photos of Jiwon walking into the airport, smiling and greeting all of them hurriedly as the staff herded him further into the building.

Hanbin sighed as he slumped back in his seat, watching Jiwon walk away while the van pulled out of the unloading area, heading back into the city.

“Where to, B.I?” the driver asked.

“To the company, please.”

The driver nodded and drove through Seoul’s highway, heading to the company.

“You’re acting way better than I expected you to.” Jaewon mused.

It was already evening and Hanbin, Jaewon, and Raesung were chilling on their shared studio working on some demos.

“What do you mean?” Hanbin asked.

“Well, Jiwon’s out of the country and you just got together. I expected you’d be all sad, paranoid, and mopey. But you’re surprisingly calm and relaxed.”

Hanbin smiled and nodded as sighed, “Well, I’ve had him for more than week, being with him for every schedule he had and sleeping together. He also said that I should avoid causing the hyungs their first grey hair after all the stress they were under before Jiwon and I got together. And I don’t wanna worry him because I know one way or another, he’ll find out from the members or the managers if I get all lonely boy.”

“Good for you to know that, hyung.” A voice came in behind them and looking at the door, there Donghyuk was.

Hanbin’s smile grew wider and Jaewon was positively beaming at the sight of his boyfriend. “Hey,” the eldest rapper greeted and Hanbin waved lazily in his seat.

“Do my ears deceive me or is Hanbin-hyung becoming more mature?”

Hanbin rolled his eyes, “What did you expect me to do? Stomp my feet and whine?”

Donghyuk grinned, his eyes almost disappearing as he sat on Jaewon’s lap, “Well, yes. Yes, I did expect you to do just that.”

“Shut up,” He bit back and returned to his work. This demo was looking good and had a high chance of being chosen for their title track.

“By the way, when is he arriving there? Has he called yet?” Donghyuk asked now, further pestering Hanbin in his attempt to work.

“He took a nonstop flight to L.A. The flight was at noon so he’ll probably arrive there at one in the morning.”

“It’s almost two in the morning. And how about you? Aren’t you coming home?”

“Later. I’m polishing this one track and Raesung’s binge-working since he has no life outside work.”

Donghyuk scoffed, “He’s morphing to be your son.”

Raesung laughed from his seat but still not removing his eyes from the monitor, “That would actually explain a lot.”

“He’s even happy about it. Don’t be, kid. You really wanna end up like this walking zombie?”

Hanbin was about to growl out an argument but his phone vibrated from his table. An all too familiar name flashed, _Barbie._

“Really? You just really have to save his number as _Barbie_ even when you’re already dating?”

He didn’t pay any mind to Donghyuk’s comment and instead answered his phone, “Hey,”

_“Hi,”_ Jiwon’s voice sounded groggy and exhausted.

“Are you in L.A?”

Jiwon hummed, _“Yeah, we’re on our way to the hotel. How about you? Are you at home?”_

Oh shit. “I’m still at the studio.”

_“I told you not to work too much. It’s what, two, three in the morning there.”_ Jiwon sounded very awake now.

“I was just waiting for Donghyuk so we can head home together.”

Donghyuk’s eyes widened and attempted to tell on him but Jaewon clamped a hand on his mouth to shut him up leaving the younger looking betrayed.

_“Oh, is he there?”_

“Yeah, I was just finishing up in the studio before we go when you called.”

_“Can I talk to him?” _Jiwon sounded suspicious of him and he doubted Donghyuk would save his ass.

“He has his tongue shoved down Jaewon-hyung’s throat right now, so he’s busy.”

Jaewon and Raesung was fighting back a laugh as Hanbin glared at them both, while Donghyuk looked scandalized and ready to burst.

He could hear Jiwon sigh, _“Go home. Now. Drag Donghyuk by his dick if that’s what it takes.”_

Hanbin laughed, thankful that Donghyuk couldn’t hear anything Jiwon said. “Yes, hyung. I’ll text you when we’re home and if you’re still awake, then gimme a call.”

_“You bet your ass I’ll be awake. So hurry up and go home.”_

“Okay, okay. Calm your tits.”

_“Bye, I love you.”_

Hanbin went beet red, suddenly shy of having to respond to that when three people, who he’s positive would tease him to death, are listening.

_“Yah, I said I love you, you brat.”_

Fuck it, he’s just gonna have to say it or else a big baby will sulk if he didn’t, “I love you, too.”

Jaewon’s hand had finally come off of Donghyuk’s mouth as the three boys howled at his statement.

He could hear Jiwon laughing at the other end of the line, “Happy now, dipshit?”

_“Ecstatic,” _he said and continued laughing.

The call ended and they all went home. Well, all of them willingly except for Raesung whom Hanbin had to drag out of the studio by the ear and given a ride to his apartment. Donghyuk stayed at Jaewon’s apartment for the night, so they dropped off Hanbin first.

He sleepily made his way to their apartment and into his room to change his clothes. His eyes were about to drop any moment now and he didn’t wanna sleep here. He planned to crash on Jiwon’s bed just so he could sleep surrounded by Jiwon’s scent.

His eyes found the purple jacket and Winnie the Pooh in his bed and it immediately brought a sleepy smile on his lips. He put on the jacket and clutched on Pooh’s hand before he made his way out. While walking down to the downstairs apartment, he texted Jiwon that he was at home now.

Right after he landed with a thud on Jiwon’s bed, his phone rang. Someone was face-timing him and it was none other than… _Barbie._

He brought the phone up into his face as he settled on the bed properly with Pooh beside him, tucked on his neck.

“Hyung,” he murmured as Jiwon’s face appeared on screen also in his bed, looking like he just came out of a shower.

“I can’t see your face, baby.”

“Oh,” he reached out to the bedside lamp and turned it on, a yellowish light softly emitting to the room, “Better?” he asked as he settled back in back.

Jiwon smiled, “Yeah,”

“Tired?”

“A little jetlag, but it’s okay. Wanted to see you before going to sleep.”

“You should get some rest now, babe. You’re gonna have to be well-rested for the shoot to go smoothly, and I don’t think the stylists are gonna appreciate a puffy face with heavy eyebags.”

Jiwon’s lips protruded a little but relented. Hanbin was right. “Okay. I’m probably gonna wake up early tomorrow so text me when you wake up, yeah?”

Hanbin nodded assuringly, “Mm-hmm. Aye, aye, captain.”

“I love you,”

“And I love you,”

It had been five days since Jiwon left. They’d call each other occasionally when the elder was on a break, text each other with some updates. Hanbin would call Jaeho-hyung inquiring how Jiwon was faring, if he ate, if he slept properly, or if there were some problems. Jiwon would call Jinhwan or Yunhyeong to check if Hanbin was overworking, if he had enough rest, if he ate anything. Because both of them can be really stubborn and there was no denying it.

Hanbin was handling it better compared to how he was in the past when Jiwon traveled without them or gone for long periods of time. He was very much determined not to stress the hyungs and not to worry Jiwon. When he couldn’t sleep at night, he’d drink a can of beer and he’ll be out like lightning. When he missed Jiwon, he’d make new songs, wear his shirts or jackets, or bring Pooh with him to work. He’d indulge Yunhyeong’s theatrics when he served the young leader with too much food, even when he had a tummy ache right after, or Jinhwan’s fussing over him and accompanying him almost everywhere he went.

He was a bit sad but he could handle it.

Jiwon, on the other hand, apparently was not.

Hanbin was curled up in Jiwon’s bed wearing one of the latter’s shirt and sweatpants, and was about to sleep. He’d just sent photo to Jiwon after the elder had complained about missing him when his phone rang. His heart jumped as he thought it’d be Jiwon but then Jaeho, the manager that went with Jiwon in L.A, was the one who was calling him.

“Hey, hyung.”

_“Hey, Hanbin. I, uh…”_ Jaeho-hyung sounded troubled and quite hesitant.

“Is something wrong, hyung? You guys okay there?”

“It’s, um, you see…” the elder cleared his throat and continued, “It’s Jiwon.”

Hanbin’s heart quickened and his blood ran cold from apprehension.

_Jiwon._

“Cut!” The director called out. It was the fourth time the director had to call out _cut_ right after they’d had a break and everyone was starting to get really frustrated.

Jiwon hung his head in shame and guilt, muttering out apologies to the actress, staff, and director.

“Let’s take five. Bobby, come here for a sec,” the director declared.

Jiwon sighed and walked up to the director. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you but you gotta get your shit together, Bobby.”

“Yes, sir.”

The director patted his shoulders twice before walking out to rest, too.

He walked to the chair that was situated at the corner of the pool for him to rest. Jaeho approached him then and laid a hand on his shoulders.

“What’s going on, Bobby? You’ve done so well these past few day, going over the sites non-stop for the debriefing, shooting flawlessly with the other music videos. You’ve rushed and worked hard to finish this as quickly as possible, but now you’re not in your zone. It’s the last one, Bobby. What’s wrong? Is it the actress?”

Jiwon immediately raised his head, “No, no, no. It’s not the actress. She’s great, and I’m really ashamed of how I’ve been acting today. I just—I don’t know.”

“It’s almost sunset and we have to shoot this with the sun still out. If you can’t pull this off properly, we’re gonna be here longer.”

“I know, hyung. Believe me, I really want to finish this already. I just can’t get a hold of myself today.”

“You’ve never had problems with shooting scenes with actresses before, you’ve always been a natural. What’s so different with this one?”

Jiwon couldn’t answer, couldn’t give him a straight one that would make sense. He missed Hanbin. He did everything so that he wouldn’t have to stay here for much longer. The last few scenes that they were shooting today were the ones he had with an actress. And it just felt… wrong.

The songs were for Hanbin and Hanbin only. Shooting by himself was a breeze but being with someone that wasn’t Hanbin didn’t sit right with him. Even when he had to change the lyrics to him implying to a woman, it irked him. He didn’t know if he was just being overly sensitive or something but he just couldn’t quite act naturally laughing and smiling with someone else.

He tried imagining it was Hanbin but he’d lose his concentration the last minute and choke and act awkwardly. They’ve been shooting the entire day, he was exhausted and drained, and everyone else was pissed. He wanted to call Hanbin but he couldn’t tell the younger what was happening because then he’d worry about him.

Hanbin’s been trying really hard to be okay with him not being home, distracting himself with work, eating and sleeping properly. If he so much as hinted that there was a problem, the younger would be worried sick, and his calm demeanour will most likely crack. It could lead to another anxiety attack and that was far from what he wanted even when all he wanted right now was Hanbin.

“Is it Hanbin?”

Jiwon was snapped out from his messed up thoughts from the manager’s question. “W-what?”

“D’you miss him?”

“Yeah. I mean, I miss all of them.”

Jaeho sighed, “It’s not just that, is it?” And again, Jiwon was rendered speechless. “Look, I’ve known you boys for most of your careers. I’ve seen how Hanbin looks at you from the moment you’ve been teammates, and I’ve seen how you cared for Hanbin more than the other members. Your sudden change of genre with your solo proved more than a few of my speculations and I don’t think I’m wrong in speculating that your relationship have levelled up and intensified.”

Wow, they were _that _obvious?

“Don’t worry, it’s just me and Woohyuk who’ve noticed it. But, if you keep messing up in this music video, other staff and the director would suspect you’re in a relationship. That has happened more often than you’d think and that director knows Yang, so it wouldn’t do well for you to be discovered by him.”

_Shit._ “Yes, hyung. I’ll get my shit together and try to get this done once and for all.”

Jaeho was then called by some staff so their conversation was cut off.

He massaged his aching head and grabbed his phone from the table. His wallpaper—a picture of Hanbin sleeping peacefully with Pooh squished between Jiwon’s chest and Hanbin’s face—greeted him and his heart ached at the sight. He really missed Hanbin. He was now regretting all those hours wasted on failed scenes. He could’ve been done by now and was preparing to go home. But no, he just _had to fuck up._

There was one unread message and he opened it. It was from Hanbin and all it said was a simple: _I love you._

He typed in a reply of, _I love you, too. I miss you._

A minute passed and his phone vibrated as a message popped up, _So finish up there and get yo ass in here already. I miss you, too._ The message was finished with a crying emoji and now his heart ached more.

_I will, baby._

He was replied with a blurry selfie of Hanbin making a disgusting kissy face. A smile formed in his lips at the sight. Hanbin always sucked when taking selfies. But, Jiwon have always found it endearing. He sent a photo of the set but a few minutes passed and the younger still hasn't replied.

“Bobby, the shooting is cut off for today. The director had an emergency meeting and by the time that finishes, the sun would already set so there’s no point in waiting.” Jaeho informed him.

_Great. Just great._ Now he’ll be delayed further and it was all his fault.

Everyone packed up for the day and he said his farewell and apologies to the staff and actress who looked sympathetic, sensing that he was going through something.

When they arrived at the hotel, Jiwon asked the manager if he could just stay in his room and just order his dinner. The two seemed to have sympathized, too, and left him to his own devices. He showered and flopped into bed, and grabbed his phone.

He typed in a text to Hanbin, _Hey u in the studio?_

While waiting for a reply, he checked his social media accounts and interacted with some fans. When he got bored, he played some games.

An hour passed and Hanbin still wasn’t replying. He shot him another text, _Baby, u busy?_

Now he ran out of things to do, he thought that maybe reading some fan-fictions would help him from missing Hanbin too much. But boy was he wrong. Reading scenes of them being together and having sex was totally not helping. Even sad stories had sex scenes.

_Jesus, iKONICs, really? These guys be thirsty as hell and now he’s thirsty, too._

Well, fuck. Now he’d sad _and _aroused. Both of which could only be solved by one person who was miles away from him.

Speaking of said person, Hanbin still hasn’t replied and he’d read three oneshots already while waiting for his reply.

He tried calling him but it didn’t go through. That’s weird. He shot him one more text, _Bin, I’m worried now. U ok?_

He tried calling Yunhyeong and after three rings, the call was answered, _“Jiwon? Is everything okay?”_

Jiwon didn’t answer and chose to ignore the question, “Is Hanbin there? He hasn’t replied for hours and I’m a bit worried.”

_“It's early in the morning here, Ji. He could be sleeping. I'll check in his room and if he isn't there I'll call Dong to check if he's in your room.”_

“Okay, thanks, hyung. Call me if you hear anything.”

_“Okay,”_

The call ended but Jiwon was still worried. He clutched his phone tightly whilst staring at it. His mind was running rampant now. For all the days they’ve texted and called each other, Hanbin only took a few hours or maybe an hour when replying to him unless he’d warn that he’ll be in a meeting, or was about to sleep. Hanbin didn’t mention anything. The last message was that picture of him.

He really needed to calm down. Hanbin probably fell asleep as his phone died or something. The guys will update him soon so until then, he had nothing to worry about.

It was still six in the evening and with the thirteen-hour difference between U.S and Korea, it was probably seven in the morning there. Hanbin could’ve been sleeping in his room, maybe that’s why Yunhyeong didn’t know where he was. If he found out the guy was overworking again, he swore that it would earn the younger an earful.

To kill time, he figured he should sleep. He could tell Jaeho-hyung to schedule the music video shoot early in the morning so they’d finish quickly. He was more determined now that he was missing Hanbin too damn much and how annoyed he was at himself because he could’ve been on his way home now.

Before sleeping, he called their manager to tell him about the early schedule and Jaeho merely replied with a, _“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll update you if we have a fixed schedule tomorrow.” _Jiwon also set his ringtone louder so he’d wake up if someone calls or texts him.

It wasn’t that hard for him to sleep as he was dead tired, exhausted from frustrating over himself all-day.

Jiwon woke up to someone peppering kisses all over his face. _What the—_

He suddenly remembered that he was in Los Angeles, and his boyfriend was in Seoul, and that someone was kissing him.

His eyes shot up and tried to focus on the face peering up at him, all smiles with those familiar, cute dimples, one eye crinkling more than the other from how big he was smiling.

“Hey,” the other had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the part where I shower you guys with (my poor excuse of a) fluff. We're gonna go with more chapters of fluff before we reach the drop. I've realized that it's harder to write fluff than angst. I dunno why. I feel weird. But I hope this made up for my long absence. I was busy with school and we just had a sem break so maybe I'll upload more often this week. Kudos and comments are always appreciated.


	11. Safe Haven

_“It’s, um, you see…” the elder cleared his throat and continued, “It’s Jiwon.”_

Hanbin immediately sat up, his drowsiness gone now from the bit of statement the manager said.

_“Okay, long story short, I know there’s something between you guys, and my added suspicion is that the album was pertaining to you. We’ve been shooting non-stop as he’s been really eager to go home, more eager than how he used to be. Today, however, he’s been all over the place. It’s the scene he has with an actress and…”_

Hanbin gulped, “And?”

_“Maybe you should fly up here. I doubt he’ll do any better tomorrow. The director’s starting to suspect that maybe he’s acting like that because he’s in a relationship with someone which could explain his awkwardness. The director and Yang are friends, Hanbin. Imagine what he could tell the CEO.”_

He let out a breath and determinedly said, “Book me the next flight to L.A. I’m coming.”

Their manager hadn’t wasted any more time and booked him a flight as he shot up to get ready. Darting out the room with Pooh in tow, he hurriedly went to the upstairs apartment. Yunhyeong and Chanwoo seemed to still be fast asleep so he quietly took out his suitcase and tossed random clothes, underwear, necessities, and spare shoes. After he forcefully closed the full suitcase, he shot up to change into his jeans, put on a wife beater tank top beneath an oversized cardigan. He packed his charger, earphones, wallet, passport, and Pooh on his backpack.

Heading out, he stopped by the kitchen to catch his breath and drink some water. His phone vibrated and a message from _Barbie _and_ Jaeho-hyung_ popped up. There were three messages from Jiwon but he chose to ignore it. Jaeho sent him a message for the car waiting out front, flight details as well as his plane ticket.

Just when he was about to head out, Yunhyeong came into view.

“Hanbin? What’re you doing—,” he stopped as he yawned, stretched, and then continued on, “What’re you doing here so early? I thought you were sleeping but you weren’t in your room when I checked ‘cause Jiwon just called asking ‘bout you. And—what is that?” Yunhyeong looked wide awake now when his eyes landed on the suitcase and backpack beside Hanbin.

Hanbin sighed, “I’m heading for Los Angeles. Jaeho said Jiwon’s been struggling the entire day that he hasn’t told me about it, I doubt he even planned to, so I’m needed there to set him straight.”

Yunhyeong blinked once, twice, and then said, “Okay, be careful there. I know how you hate flying and now you’re gonna be alone.”

“I’ll be fine. I can drink some champagne and sleep the entire ride.”

“Okay. Is someone taking you to the airport? Should I go with you?”

“Nah, a car is already waiting. Speaking of, I have to go now or I’ll miss my flight.”

Yunhyeong walked him to the parking lot where the car was waiting, and said some farewell.

“Take care of the boys.”

“Of course. I got it covered here. Take care of our soon-to-be soloist.”

Hanbin smiled and said, “I will.” _Always._

Arriving at the airport, he was greeted by their manager, Jaeho.

“Where is he right now?” he asked immediately as they walked outside.

“He’s in his hotel room, didn’t even eat his dinner. I think he’s still asleep.”

“I’ll handle it from there. Can I talk to the director on the way?”

“Sure, but what for?”

Hanbin sighed, “I distracted myself during the flight coming up with scenes for his music video to make it less challenging and awkward. I could help him from being less tense and awkward but just to be sure, I’ve planned out some things.”

Jaeho nodded, already on his phone. While he was trying to contact the director or the staff, they arrived where the car was waiting. Hopping in, the manager gave him the phone, “Here.”

He cleared his throat and answered as he settled in his seat, “Hello, Sir.”

_“B.I! What can I help you with, my boy?”_ the director bellied out on the other line. The director has always favoured him as he always helped whenever they were shooting music videos, softening up to him when he proved to be an adept leader.

“Heard about the kerfuffle from yesterday’s shoot with one of my members,” he stated.

_“Ah! Bobby. Yes, well, the boy was struggling, to say the least. Don’t know what got into him when it was the last shoot. He’d been flawless with all the other shooting, but yesterday was a mess.”_

“I’m sorry about that, Sir. I feel somewhat responsible for that as the leader.”

_“It’s okay. Have you talked to him? Maybe find out what’s been bothering him?”_

“I’m actually on my way to his hotel. I had some business here anyway and I thought I should come over so I could personally assist with anything. Speaking of, I wanna discuss with you about some scenes we could incorporate to lessen the hassle later on just in case Bobby’s still feeling off. Would that be okay, Sir?”

_“That’s more than okay with me. What have you got, B.I?”_

“Well…”

Talking and buttering up to the director was almost mentally draining but that’s what he was good at as a leader. Now, about being a good boyfriend…

As quietly as possible, he got into Jiwon’s hotel room with the spare key provided by the staff and locked it firmly. He had already ordered some heavy breakfast to be brought in an hour, just in case since Jiwon had skipped his dinner, and the elder could get really touchy without proper food to fuel him.

He positioned his backpack and suitcase, took out some change of clothes, and of course Jiwon’s Pooh. As quickly as he could, he showered and changed into more comfortable clothes.

Finally done with everything to prepare himself, he padded over to the bed where Jiwon was sprawled on his back, with only his boxers. He gulped at the sight. Now was not the time to drool over Jiwon’s tight muscles, veins popping in his neck and arms, his abs more defined now that he was religiously working out for his music video shooting, his face free from makeup and his eyebrow piercing; lips slightly pouting. His soft featured face was such a contrast to his ripping body—well, maybe that jawline was a whole kink in itself (but let’s not get into that right now).

Climbing into bed as stealthily as possible, he carefully straddled Jiwon with his hands cupping the elder’s face. He really missed Jiwon, so much. Okay, maybe now was the time to attack.

He leaned down and attacked Jiwon with loud kisses all over his face, giggling at the sudden jerk in the latter’s body, his hands subconsciously flying up to clamp Hanbin’s hips as he opened his eyes and tried to focus in looking at who was showering him with kisses.

“Hey,” he softly greeted with huge smile, tilting his head at the confusion etched on Jiwon’s face.

“B-Bin?” the elder hesitatingly called out, looking so unsure at the sight of his boyfriend.

Hanbin hummed as he brought his forehead against Jiwon’s and closed his eyes, feeling warm at having Jiwon in front of him now after going by almost a week without him, “Hi, love,” he said softly, brushing their noses slightly.

His calm bubble was immediately popped as Jiwon flipped them over, now the elder was peering up at him; his legs in between Hanbin’s thighs, his hands was now the one cupping the younger’s cheeks delicately, his hair falling over his eyes gorgeously. _What a sight._

“Baby, what are you doing here?” he asked worriedly but looking content at seeing Hanbin.

“Well, I missed you. Didn’t you miss me?” the younger whined, his bottom lip jutting out as his hands inched up at Jiwon’s sides making him shiver at the warm touch. The duality.

Jiwon crashed his lips down to Hanbin’s, the move making the latter gasp so Jiwon used it as the opportunity to slide his tongue inside Hanbin’s mouth. It took a nanosecond for Hanbin to recover as his lips moved to respond, sucking on Jiwon’s tongue, moaning with the back of his throat. And Hanbin smelled so damn good seeing as how he looked like he just came out of a shower.

He jolted and keened, his back arching to the chest above him as Jiwon pressed and grinded down on him. One leg immediately shot up to go over Jiwon’s hips, pressing it down for _moremoremore._

The elder withdrew from the burning kiss a little as Hanbin whined and whimpered at the loss of contact. “I missed you so damn much, you have no idea.”

“Well, what’re you gonna do about it, babe?” Hanbin prompted with a dangerous smirk playing at the side of his lip. The sight only turned Jiwon on more as he all but growled and jumped off the bed. “W-Wha… Where are you going?” Hanbin asked, feeling cold now that Jiwon was furiously rummaging through the hotel closet.

Jiwon didn’t bother to answer him and walked back to bed with a… is that a _bathroom tie_?

Hanbin raised an eyebrow at him but Jiwon merely grinned at him, sauntering over back in bed. Jiwon kneeled between Hanbin’s thighs, sitting back on his heels.

“Hands together. Bring ‘em forward.”

The younger scoffed, “Restraints, really?” Hanbin didn’t have a problem with any form of restraints per se, would even initiate it some other time but right now, he wanted to be able to touch Jiwon. He outright pouted up at Jiwon with his best puppy dog eyes, “I miss you too much not to touch you.”

“I know that. And I miss you, too. Which is why I need to have your hands restrained. I still have a few scenes to shoot topless. And you’re just gonna laugh at me when I’m gonna get scolded by the makeup artists and director.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes and offered his wrists for Jiwon to be tied. “I wasn’t planning on scratching or bruising you. Wasn’t even on planning on a hickey.”

It was Jiwon’s turn to lift an eyebrow at him.

The younger grinned as his wrists were guided to the headboard where Jiwon tied a knot to keep his hands above him. “Okay, maybe a scratch or two. You’re shooting with someone else, I just wanted to stake my claim.”

Jiwon nipped at his side making the younger yelp, “Even without an excuse, you’re gonna get me all bloody and bruised. Any day I would’ve prided on that but not today, baby.”

Hanbin wasn’t able to answer then as Jiwon swallowed down any more protest when he all but shoved his tongue down Hanbin’s mouth making him effectively shut up. Words now dying down to moans when Jiwon’s hands skimmed over his nipples through the thin shirt he was now wearing.

Honestly, why did he even bother with a shirt?

Apparently, Jiwon thought the same as he yanked the shirt off of the younger, leaving it bunched up on the restrained wrists.

Jiwon chuckled as he ran his hands down Hanbin’s torso. “Look who gained weight.”

Hanbin tried to rise up to bite him but, unsurprisingly, to no avail, he couldn’t reach the elder, “Yunhyeong’s been stuffing me up like a pig for slaughter. And Jinhwan’s been forcing me for longer than usual sleep and naps.”

The elder cooed, as he nosed his way up Hanbin’s neck, his hands never leaving his tummy. The light touches made the hairs on Hanbin’s nape stand in attention. Without warning, Jiwon bit down on his shoulder _hard._ It didn’t go skin deep though. A grunt escaped Hanbin at the searing pain, but it didn’t last long as Jiwon resorted to sucking on the skin beside the bite he left.

“The hickeys were just starting to fade on the other side and now you’re feasting on my neck again,” came Hanbin’s half-hearted complain but leaning on to every touch, “Can you at least put ‘em where I can hide it with a shirt? It’s freaking hot here and I really don’t wanna wear a jacket when we go out.”

He could feel Jiwon’s grin as he pulled back from his neck, “Too late for that, baby.”

“That’s just great.” He said in defeat. Hanbin could already feel the heat he’ll have to deal with later. Or was that just because of his arousal? Either way, he was feeling Los Angeles’ heat more than ever as Jiwon continued to tease him with soft nips and caresses. “Hyung, get on with it already,” he whined impatiently, furiously yanking on the binds.

“Impatient, are we? We’re gonna have to buy you proper cuffs next time,” Jiwon’s breath as he spoke were ghosting over his skin and _god, why did he have to have that raspy, deep voice? _“Or maybe a rope. You’d look more ethereal with ropes.”

Jiwon peered over him again, a finger softly going over his neck that Hanbin immediately bared in surrender, “Those hickeys won’t be enough anymore. I wanna leave marks all over you in various ways.” Hanbin _preened_ at the implication of Jiwon’s possessive words as the latter smirked and came down to whisper on his ear, “Would you let me map you with traces of me, baby?”

“Yes, _oh, God—yes.”_ Hanbin barely gasped out feeling his dick throb from being too hard just from imagining Jiwon doing unspeakable things to him.

“Remember how you mocked me saying and I quote _‘spoken like a true experienced gay sex god’?_”

_Uh-oh_.

Jiwon left a trail of open-mouthed kisses with occasional tongue licking a stripe on his skin as he travelled down from his ear, his neck, his collarbones, his tattoo, and stopped when he was by Hanbin’s nipples. Looking up at Hanbin, he tentatively bit on the sensitive bud, revelling on the gasp that the younger produced. He soothed it with a few kitten licks and proceeded to suck on them when his hands went to trail over to the remaining underwear the younger’s wearing.

He hooked one finger to tug the underwear down slightly, the head of Hanbin’s dick showing itself, leaking some pre-cum.

“Already hard from that?” Jiwon mocked at him as he made his way further down while still keeping their eyes locked, although Hanbin’s eyes were bordering on looking unfocused and heavy. Jiwon’s own eyes darkened a shade at the sight of Hanbin looking drunk from him.

_“Babe, please,”_

Jiwon didn’t respond with words. He did, however, respond with a sudden pull on Hanbin’s underwear. Grabbing a discarded pillow on the side, he positioned it below Hanbin’s hips to raise it up higher. He positioned his knees to go over his shoulders, as he slowly positioned himself in front of Hanbin.

All rough man-handling and tugs were paused when Jiwon stopped to place fleeting kisses right into every little scars that were covered on his hip tattoo.

_Hanbin did _not _just melt at the sight._

Right when Hanbin was relaxed and pliant in Jiwon’s soft caresses by his thighs and kisses on his hips, the latter moved lower now but purposefully avoiding to touch his dick making him whimper and arch his back.

“Patience,” was all that Jiwon said before he bit into Hanbin’s inner thigh. Hanbin was itching to run his hands over Jiwon’s hair, wanted to pull on it to get him moving, to touch him where he ached the most. But, instead, he could only arch and thrash as much as the restraints and their position allowed him to.

“Open your legs wider, my love,”

Hanbin wasted no time in complying. He opened himself more, the heels of his feet pressing on Jiwon to urge him on. Hanbin expected that Jiwon would touch him now, open him up, and prep him. What he _did not _expect was when he felt hot, firm _tongue_ licking him _there._ Okay, not to mince words, but basically Jiwon’s opening his hole up with his _goddamned tongue_.

Hanbin _never_ allowed rimming. He just thought it’d be gross and embarrassing to have someone’s tongue pressing on your asshole. But Jiwon, the sneaky little fuckface, did it and did it so suddenly without warning that he couldn’t stop him. And now he thinks _he didn’t wanna stop him_.

_Jesus H. Christ. _It was dirty, and _he_ felt dirty. But it felt _so good _having Jiwon eat him up that all the shame he felt melted with every lick and prod of Jiwon’s tongue.

The tongue didn’t stop its ministration as Jiwon’s one hand clamped down his restless hips and the other now paying some attention to his aching shaft.

Now that he had Jiwon’s tongue on his ass as well as Jiwon’s hand on his _impossibly hard _dick, he couldn’t stop the moans bordering on screams that escaped his throat. If only his hands were free then maybe he could muffle the sounds with them. But no, he was a screaming mess by now and Jiwon was perfectly okay with it.

“Are you gonna cum with just this, baby? Are you gonna cum for me?”

“I-_hnnn--,” _he was about to whine and complain but Jiwon had his hand working on his dick in time with the licks and Hanbin was lost. “A-Anything. I would do anything just _please, _p-please…”

He wanted to find his release. No, he _needed _to find his release. It was all too much. The restraints. The tongue on his hole. The hand pumping his dick.

_Oh, God._

“Cum for me, baby. Come on. _Let go._”

And let go he did.

His body jerked and stilled as his body shook when he found his release, spurting cum all over Jiwon’s hand and his stomach. The thrashing and arching had stopped as he lay panting.

“Bin, baby, did you bring lube?” Jiwon asked softly when he settled Hanbin’s feet back on the mattress, now peering up at him to brush some strands of hair sticking up in his forehead as he sweat profusely.

“At my—,” he tried to catch his breath a little bit more and continue, “At my backpack.”

Jiwon carefully got out of bed, not wanting to jostle Hanbin, and looked for the said backpack. It was just by the hotel closet where he sauntered over. Opening it, he saw a plastic bag bearing a new travel-sized bottle of lube, at least half a dozen of condom—even when they didn’t need it as they got themselves tested just so they wouldn’t have to use the annoying thing, and… okay, in all his _research_ he did not know what the last thing was. It was latex with a point top, a wider middle, and a flared base, it looked dangerous and foreign but he still brought it over to the bedside table.

Hanbin had his eyes closed now, his breaths now coming in steadier as he calmed down from his climax high. His hands were still tied to the headboard and he looked all too delectable like that so Jiwon couldn’t stop himself from kissing him on his forehead as he sat down.

“You bought a new one?” Jiwon asked as he settled beside Hanbin.

Hanbin hummed, “It’d be embarrassing to go through airport security with those so I just bought some on the way here.”

“And what would this be for?” Jiwon held up the foreign material as Hanbin cracked an eye open lazily.

“That’s for me later,” Hanbin grinned and winked.

Jiwon raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue any further. He was still achingly hard and he had to do something about it sooner or he’ll snap. Hanbin has had his rest and he was still half-way done with what he wanted to do to the younger.

He tossed the items beside Hanbin and position himself again in between the younger’s thighs. Hanbin’s head lulled at the movement.

Bracing an arm beneath Hanbin’s raised left arm and his other hand caressing softly on the younger’s cheek, he dipped his head to kiss him. More slowly this time, savouring Hanbin’s taste. He missed this—the slow kisses, the lazy touches, the soft sighs in between.

“I really missed you,” he said against Hanbin’s lips that immediately smiled.

“I missed you, too,”

Jiwon warmed at the simple reply and continued to kiss Hanbin with every love he could muster that he hoped the younger would feel in every touch of their lips.

He grabbed the bottle of lube without breaking the kiss as Hanbin looked too blissed out to notice any other movement or sound save for their making out. Softly popping it open it one hand, he poured some cold lube over his one hand. Warming it up with just one hand while his other continued its soft caress over the younger’s cheek, he gently massage Hanbin’s hole.

The reaction was immediate as Hanbin immediately arched at the touch, his impending moan muffled by Jiwon’s mouth on his. Hanbin hooked both his legs up Jiwon’s hips to pull him down more. Understanding it as a plea, he inserted one finger in, a gasp from the younger followed. Jiwon left his lips in favour of pressing open mouthed kisses along Hanbin’s jawline and neck. The jawline almost non-existent as the younger had gained some weight, the thought made him smile.

“Ji,” Hanbin whined, softly nudging his head, _“more.”_

With a fleeting curl of his one finger, he slid another and curled it on Hanbin’s walls making the younger shiver and moan. When he felt that Hanbin was a little more stretched, he added one more. He could hear the younger’s tugging on the restraints.

In every push and pull, in and out of his fingers, he found Hanbin’s prostate. He worked on stretching him out as well as hitting his prostate head-on. He softly nipped on Hanbin’s nipples that was still a little bit sensitive from the previous bites and sucks.

_“Fuck,_ hurry the _fuck_ up, h-hyung.”

“Ever the impatient little brat,” Jiwon chuckled against Hanbin’s chest.

Hanbin was about to gasp out an indignant reply but was instead replaced by an indignant gasp and moan when Jiwon retrieved his fingers and wordlessly inserted four fingers in.

_“Oh, shit,”_ came Hanbin’s panting breath as his bucked.

Jiwon peered up at him again without stopping his ministrations, “What? You did say you needed more preparation for next time. “

Hanbin weakly narrowed his eyes at him, “You look like you’re getting cocky at this.”

Jiwon smirked a little, “Maybe I am.”

Hanbin wasn’t able to bite back a reply as he jammed his fingers in again and hit his prostate again.

He felt like the younger was thoroughly stretched out now so Jiwon took out his fingers making Hanbin whine at the sudden emptiness, his hole clenching at nothing. Jiwon shushed him with a peck on the lips and stood beside the bed to take off his underwear.

“Ugh, you could’ve removed that before you began molesting me.” Hanbin complained weakly, his eyebrows burrowed.

“Well, I just wanted more opportunities to annoy you. And I thought it wasn’t counted as molesting when it’s fully consensual?”

Hanbin fondly rolled his eyes as he climbed back in bed. “I’m counting it as one as you’ve removed my scratching previledges.”

“You big baby,” he chuckled as he went back to kiss him square on the lips. Hanbin fought for dominance but they both know who’d win in the end. Jiwon lazily popped open the bottle of lube again and lathered his rock hard erection. The contact made him momentarily hiss as his shaft was proving to be more sensitive than he thought.

“See, now get on with it already.” Hanbin mocked.

Jiwon raised an eyebrow with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Instead of biting back a reply, he opened Hanbin up again with two fingers by his entrance and aligned his shaft by the entrance with one hand.

They both let out baited breaths as Jiwon finally bottomed out, and then panting at the sensation; Hanbin feeling full and stretched, and Jiwon’s shaft enveloped in the tight warmth.

Hanbin lightly nudged him again when he had his legs wrapped around Jiwon’s hips to make him move. Jiwon got the message and slowly pulled back a little and only to slam back in, rolling his hips as he bottomed out again.

“M-More,”

Jiwon growled and roughly kissed Hanbin as his fizzling self-restraint was holding on by a thread. He didn’t wanna impale Hanbin again like last time when he lost control and hammered into the younger. But Hanbin was impatient, and to prove that the younger retaliated to the slow movements with biting Jiwon’s lower lip.

_“Faster,”_

Fuck it. He asked for it and he knew Jiwon would give him anything and everything. Picking up his pace, he gripped Hanbin’s hips to steady him from arching too much and drilled mercilessly inside the younger.

Hanbin didn’t even hold back the screaming and tugging knowing they were alone now, far from the privacy that the apartments they had at home offered. The sound served to quicken and harden Jiwon’s hammering.

Jiwon reached down and pumped on Hanbin’s now hard erection making the younger jolt.

“M’close.” Hanbin whined.

“Don’t hold back, baby.”

That was all Hanbin needed to hear as his whole body froze from its movement, his eyes scrunched shut, his walls clenching tightly on Jiwon’s dick as he found his release. Jiwon didn’t last long and found his own release when Hanbin clenched around him.

He collapsed above Hanbin’s body, his breath fanning hotly over the younger’s neck. Softly pulling out, Hanbin whined and pointed to the foreign object that was beside the packets of condom and bottle of lube.

“Carefully slide it in to keep the cum from seeping out,” Hanbin mumbled with closed eyes. Jiwon tentatively scooped the cum that did escape and slid it in along with the thing.

“What is this though? Is this even safe?”

Hanbin hummed, “Butt plug. Feels nice. Don’t judge. Now, hands.”

Jiwon immediately shot up to untie Hanbin’s hands, kissing them tenderly where pink marks were forming from the recent tugging. He gathered Hanbin by his side so the younger was laid half on top of him. The weight familiar and warm against him.

A soft ping came in from Hanbin’s phone that was in the pillow beside them where the younger threw it before waking him up. He lazily reached for the phone as Hanbin seemed keen on ignoring it.

The one message made him choke.

_From: Jaeho-hyung_

_ Pls tell me u kids were safe and used the condoms I bought. The food’s coming in five minutes._

“Jaeho-hyung bought the condoms?!” he squawked making the younger immediately wake up only to laugh at his stupefied face.

“Yeah,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't plan on this smut but meh. It sucks, I know.


	12. TigerBin Leader-nim

“Bin, baby, stay put,” he said as he coaxed the younger to settle back on him.

“This is all your fault,” Hanbin grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back on Jiwon’s body.

Jiwon sighed. They were currently at the villa they rented for the shooting and as huge as the place was, there was no air condition available and Hanbin was livid as he was wearing a hoodie to cover the hickeys and bites.

The staff were rearranging some stuff on the site, with what Jiwon has no idea.

“What’s taking the shooting so long to start?” he mumbled as he fanned Hanbin with a mini fan. They were sitting in a couch inside the house to avoid the heat outside.

Hanbin groaned, “I talked with the director on the phone about shooting different scenes for you to avoid letting your awkward ass show. So, now, they have to have some things changed.”

“You did?”

“Uh-huh. Wasn’t sure if me being here would be enough to help you relax so I gathered some ideas on the way here and when I landed, I talked with the director on the way to the hotel,” the younger slurred against his shoulder.

Looking around to the busy staff, he planted a kiss on Hanbin’s head, “Baby, you’re all I’ll ever need, always. Yesterday was crappy because I felt wronged for having to do the scene with someone else. I’m sorry you had to fly thousands of miles all alone and drained your mind coming up with ideas just because I can’t get my shit together and be professional without you here guiding me.”

Hanbin softly nudged Jiwon’s jaw, “S’okay. I love having any excuse to be with you and help you. It’s great feeling needed, as a leader and as a boyfriend. And you shouldn’t upset yourself with those thoughts, we just started a relationship so I think it’s natural for you to act the way you did around someone else. I would’ve had doubts if you were too comfortable and natural with someone.”

“See, when you’re sweet and not full of snarky comments like this, I feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

An elbow to his stomach immediately shut him up but a choke of laughter still slipped out.

“Bobby?”

Both of them looked up to see Jaeho-hyung calling him from the door that lead to the swimming pool area.

“Yes, hyung?”

“We’re ready when you are.”

Jiwon sighed and both of them stood up from their seats.

“Bin, maybe you should rest some more. You just had a thirteen hour flight and a round in bed.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes fondly, “I’ll be fine. If I assist you there, the faster this’ll be finished, then I can rest. With you.” He smiled tiredly but still determined. Jiwon knew there was no argument that work when Hanbin was in leader-mode.

“Okay, but don’t push yourself too hard, alright? Take a rest if you need to. I’ll be fine as long as I know you’re near.”

That made the younger smile, “Okay.”

The shoot went relatively great, much better than yesterday. Hanbin was being more of a perfectionist than the director, even calling cuts himself and discussing better angles and shots that would work better. The staff was grateful for the leader’s initiative and ideas, making everything run smoothly.

It was lunch time and the director called for a break so everyone was lead inside where the food, enough to feed the entire street, awaits. Jiwon looked for Hanbin but he saw that the young leader was still discussing things with the director so he thought he’ll just have to grab some food for the younger, too.

“Whoa,” Jiwon slowly muttered at the feast before him.

“Yep, Hanbin ordered these in the middle of shooting.”

Jiwon sighed fondly. Hanbin was really going overboard. But he wouldn’t know what to do without him.

He gathered some food for both of them and set it on the table in the corner with the couch they were sitting on before. Looking for the younger once again, he caught sight of Hanbin talking to someone on the phone, his fingers pinching on the bridge of his nose. For a moment, Jiwon felt guilty as he knew he was a big part of the stress Hanbin was feeling.

“Hanbinnie,” he called out softly as he came nearer. The younger immediately looked up and gave a small smile, his dimples dipping a little. And Jiwon might have fallen in love a little more at the sight.

“It’s the guys,” he said softly.

“Okay, gimme that. And let’s go sit on the couch, I got us some food there already.” Hanbin handed him the phone and they made their way to the couch with Jiwon’s hand on the small of his back.

Raising up the phone to his ear he shushed the muffled banter, “Guys?”

_“Jiwon! Hey, how’s it going over there?”_ Yunhyeong called out. They must be on speaker phone.

“It’s better with leader-nim here. Gets things done faster. As always,” he said as they sat down. Hanbin worked on eating some and fed Jiwon, too.

_“Eyyy, you malfunctioned going five days without him, didn’t you?”_ Chanwoo teased.

“Shut up, brat, and go back to your computer games.”

He could hear a huff and a smack, _“Okay, we’re gonna end this call so you can have your lunch in peace.”_

“Okay, bye, hyung.”

_“Bye.”_

Hanbin spoon fed him another bite and he obediently ate it. But as soon as he munched on the food, he took the spoon and fork from Hanbin.

“Sit back. You need to be taken care of more than me.” Ha stated as he gently pushed Hanbin to lean back on the couch. The younger offered no more protests he sat back and opened his mouth whenever Jiwon offered him another spoonful.

When they finished on sharing the food, they downed some water and settled back on the couch for some rest. The staff were back to milling around, preparing for the next scenes, giving them some more time to rest.

“Sleep for a while, baby. You’re about to fall over even when you’re already sitting.” He murmured as he gathered Hanbin again to lean back on his chest, his arms going over the younger’s body to cocoon him. This shouldn’t attract that much attention as they were used to the members’ obvious skinship and affection, especially when they’re tired. Okay, so maybe Jiwon didn’t care much about being raising a few brows on.

“If I sleep now, I won’t wake up for the next scene,” the younger slurred even when he was already yawning. Jiwon’s directing the mini fan at him was making him drowsier.

“It’s okay. I’m sure the director can handle it and I’m confident I can pull it off.”

Hanbin sighed as he finally gave up and settled into Jiwon’s arms. “Okay. But, promise to wake me up if something happens or if there’s some problem, yeah?”

Jiwon nodded and combed through his hair to get him to finally sleep. And sleep he did.

It was approximately two hours after Hanbin was woken up by a grinning Jiwon, shaking him lightly to wake him up.

“Baby, wake up, the shooting’s done. We can go back to the hotel so you and I can get some proper rest.”

Hanbin nodded and accepted Jiwon’s offered hand so he could stand up.

Jiwon gathered their things and was lead to the car by Jaeho and Woohyuk. Hanbin followed sleepily with a phone on his ear again, fighting off his drowsiness as he answered with a clipped tone, his aura much like his TigerBin facade.

“The CEO granted my excuse to not attend the meeting. I’m thousands of miles away, what do they want me to do? Is it really that impossible to re-schedule it? We’re on hiatus, I doubt there’d be much to talk about,” he heard Hanbin say to the person on the phone. The younger paused, seeming to listen to the person on the other line. Jiwon could only watch as he guided Hanbin with a hand on the small of his back.

A tired sigh came out of Hanbin, “What do they think I’m doing here, vacationing? I am here being a leader, they can’t give that nonsense to me, I am doing my part as Jiwon’s leader. Besides, the shoot’s done so we could be heading back to Seoul tonight or early morning.”

A pause. A series of hums, _yeah, okay, sure, _and then ending it with a, “Thanks, if they’ve settled their feathers, schedule the meeting right after we land. Just check with Jaeho-hyung with what our flight schedules are gonna be.”

Jiwon frowned. _Jesus._ He was the one who was having a solo debut, why’d the executives grill Hanbin for it instead of him? His leadership surely didn’t have to come to this extent. They were on hiatus and yet Hanbin still looked like he was stressed and never once had rest. Sure, he said that the hyungs have been taking care of him physically but what about mentally? Jiwon knew Hanbin like the back of his hand when it comes to things like this. The leader was exhausted, as much as he tried to deny it or refuse to complain about it, he could see the defeated shoulders, the dark circles around his eyes, the seemingly permanent frown etched in between his eyebrows.

When they arrived at the van that would take them back to the hotel, he immediately wrapped his arms around Hanbin and forced him to lie back down, took his phone from him as he was sure the younger would just stress himself with schedules and meetings.

“Hanbin, baby, I love you. And I love having you as our leader. But right now, I’m gonna need you to listen to me,” Hanbin gazed up at him looking irritated, his cheeks and ears tinged with adorable red, “Sleep. Baby, you should sleep. I know you wanna get things done as they come but right now, you’re looking hella exhausted. Don’t overwork yourself, Bin. Especially not around me.” He said solemnly making the younger blink and deflate in surrender.

“Okay, okay. You win.” He craned his neck to find the manager, “Jaeho-hyung, inform me when we’ll be going back so I can prepare myself, yeah?”

“Sure,” the manager said, already booking them an early flight.

“Now that that’s settled, come here and sleep. We have a few minutes before we arrive at the hotel,” he said sternly. The younger, already lost in the battle, buried himself against anywhere he can get into Jiwon’s body. Fuck the weather, he needed Jiwon to sleep peacefully.

Jiwon kissed the top of his head as he enveloped Hanbin more, asking Jaeho-hyung in hushed tones to max out the air condition. Hanbin hummed at the blast of cool of air and snuggled deeper.

It was so endearing to see Hanbin appreciate the little things. He could do so much for you, offer everything to you, assist you in every, and he wouldn’t expect anything in return but when you do try to compensate for his effort, he’d practically melt and give such a pure and blinding smile.

That proved to be a double-edged sword, however, as he had been a witness to countless times where Hanbin was taken advantage of. But never once had he cracked in front of the people he didn’t wanna see him vulnerable, because then they’d have more to say and Hanbin was always sensitive on people’s opinion of him. For all the pride and confidence the leader carefully masked upon himself and exude among the general public, Jiwon, heck all of the members, could see how naïve, gullible, trusting, and fragile Hanbin really was. It was scary, knowing how fully capable Hanbin was in giving everything to everyone, especially to those he cherished, leaving nothing for himself.

Jiwon sighed. He loved Hanbin so much and he’d do absolutely anything and everything the younger would ask of him, but Hanbin was different. He didn’t limit his love to just one person. Sure, he’d favour one more than the other but he wouldn’t hesitate to break himself just to see other people be happy. His level of selflessness was bordering on self-destructiveness that Jiwon could only pray to any god for his love to be enough in protecting Hanbin from himself and the people he associates himself with.

“Hyung, you’re thinking too loud. Stop it, I’m okay,”

Jiwon smiled, _for how long, my love?_ But, he didn’t say it. Couldn’t bring himself to. So, instead he said, “Okay, I’m sorry. Go back to sleep, baby.”

Hanbin merely hummed, already more asleep than conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the following chapters are gonna be just mostly them making memories, to make the build-up more heavy when the drop does come. so, you know, more heartbreak. because, really, aren't we used to that by now?
> 
> ps. if it gets insufferably boring, tell me (make it nice tho pft)  
pps. scratch that, i think it already is.
> 
> But I just want people to understand more how I understand Hanbin as a person, as a leader. That he's more than just his talents, his looks, and his songs. Alright, I'll stop here or else imma make myself emotional and sensitive again


	13. You're All I'll Ever Need

In all of Hanbin’s reminders, warnings, advices, and instructions to Jiwon, the newly debuted soloist still managed to fuck up here and there, causing ruckus to the staff with his foolish disposition. The VLive he held alone, would prove a lot of that. Hanbin was with him every step of the way but the moment the younger was out of his sight, he’d lose balance and get tongue-tied; he’d get lost in dressing rooms, gets easily flustered when approached or interviewed, and was over-all a hot mess. It was only fortunate that the staff found him charming and adorably clumsy, always looking for his leader who was all too happy to baby him.

On events when he was _supposed to be _alone, the managers, led by Jaeho-hyung, snuck Hanbin one way or another. If not, then have Hanbin by the car when Jiwon would finish up on his performances. Having Hanbin at the end of the day, comforting him that he did amazing, and that he did a good job, did a lot for Jiwon and his self-esteem. But sometimes he did feel guilty that he consumed most of Hanbin's time when the younger could've spent it on more important things.

“Baby, I love being able to see you whenever I can, but don’t make it so that you’ll get tired. You already have a lot on your plate and I don’t wanna add up to that. We could always cuddle at home or in your studio,” he murmured one night when he had finished his debut performance on Inkigayo.

“It’s fine, Ji. Really. I wanna support you as your leader, and as your boyfriend. It gives me a sense of pride," Hanbin replied, showering him with kisses before squeezing him into a hug.

The leader had been with him everyday despite the busy schedule they both had. Although Jiwon was a bit disappointed when the CEO said that his promotions will be shortened, he was also a little relieved as this would mean that Hanbin could breathe and relax a little more. Even when the younger has had his fair share of strings of curses when he found out that Jiwon only had a few schedules for his promotions.

Jiwon had to calm down the raging tiger and assured him that it was gonna be fine. They had a comeback, concerts, and events to attend anyway. The schedules would clash and he couldn’t let the boys perform without him. It just won’t feel right.

“It’s fucking unfair. You’ll only perform _once_ on Inkigayo when all other soloist performed a lot of stages. You worked so hard on that album and I’m sure the fans would be sad,” he thundered. They were at his studio then, much to his relief. Jiwon had to make sure he got Hanbin as far away from people as possible when he told him about the promotions schedule—or lack thereof.

It took more than a few coaxing kisses, warm hugs, and cuddles to calm down the fuming leader. Jiwon didn’t mind all that much with his schedule, he was just worried that the guy would explode.

Hanbin then sighed against his chest where was curled up, “It’s just—I wanted to see you shine on that stage. Alone. Seeing you perform was always blindingly amazing and a lot of people would take notice of your debut more through it.”

“Hanbin, weren’t you the one who said that for all the songs you’ve made, you’d deeply appreciate it if even one person listened to it wholeheartedly? I got you to listen to ‘em. And that’s all that really matters to me, because those songs are yours, even when I perform them on stage or not.”

He could feel the small nod and shuddering breath being let out by the younger and then followed by a squeaked, “okay,” still sounding petulant and cross but ultimately surrendering.

“Plus, you should trust iKONICs more. They’ll appreciate every song. I know they will,” he hooked a finger on the younger’s chin to make him look up to meet his eyes, “I even think some of ‘em will know that deep down they were written for and about you.”

And then there was that smile. The smile he wanted to protect and cherish forever. But then Hanbin just had to ruin the moment when he smacked him in the arm, “You’re starting to be a sap again.”

“Would it really hurt to just accept my _words of love and devotion _for you?” He deadpanned.

Without missing a heartbeat Hanbin replied with a mocking, “Yes.”

So, yes, he had every excuse to kill the younger with as much tickles and loud, childish kisses all over his face.

For Hanbin’s part, in all of the steps Jiwon took as a soloist was momentous for him as his leader. He saw Jiwon’s natural charm and his stage presence from a different perspective now that he saw him again as an audience and not with him on stage.

But, there was one particular moment that Hanbin would _always_ keep in his heart.

It was the night of Jiwon’s debut, the music video was to be released along with his album, and a party was held on the club that YG artists frequented therefore rented. Everyone was gathered, from staff to artists, to producers, to actors and actresses, to managers, to the higher ups and executives. Jiwon was the center of attraction of course, along with the boys—Donghyuk was extremely doted on for being a part of the album.

Hanbin was content in smiling and admiring from the shadows. He never really liked clubs a lot but a few drunk videos could go against that notion. He had accompanied Jiwon to the small backstage before he sought out a distant table to observe everything alone.

“Kill it out there, yeah?” he had said to Jiwon as he was fussed over by technicians.

“Always. All the more for you,” Jiwon replied and winked. He feigned disgust and dramatically heaved to throw up comically. “Wow, ever the supportive boyfriend.”

“You know it,” he said and waved at Jiwon as he sauntered off.

Jiwon was about to go on stage when someone joined him in his table. Of course, Jaewon. The man would never miss an opportunity to tease him.

“You’re missing out on all the fun there, Bin,” Jaewon said in a dry tone. _Fun_ meant buttering up to executives hoping to escape their clutches, being too cautious with money-maker sunbaes, avoiding girl group members and trainees (issues are a no-no), and no grinding on his boyfriend.

“I’m good here, thanks.” He said with a pat on the pouting man. The sight was horrific as he was sure Jaewon was supposed to look chic, dark, and handsome. Not like a child who wasn’t allowed some dessert before dinner.

Jiwon had stepped on stage now, his opening was _I love you_. Hanbin smiled. He really loved seeing Jiwon perform on stage, he was like a whole other person. But he didn't feel distant, because it was still familiar. Jiwon exuded such comfortable ease and confidence that the audience immediately melts. Okay, maybe him, too.

“Your heart eyes are making me sick,” Jaewon said, sounding bitter. But, he could see a smile lingering there. “But, I’m happy to see you finally happy and content.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes, “Don’t make it sound like I led a sad and miserable life before I was in a relationship with Jiwon.”

Jaewon snorted, “That's 'cause you did.” Hanbin did _not_ feel sorry when he smacked the older with an indignant grunt and a roll of his eyes. “Seriously though, I was the only witness when you were lonely and sighing heavily at random hours of the night in the studio. Most of your songs were for him, either in hurt, hope, or love. You were so in love with him even when he was stupidly oblivious to it.”

He looked down at his untouched drink and took a tentative sip. It burned the back of his throat. “Yeah. Couldn’t exactly remember a time where I wasn’t.”

“Why didn’t you ever confront him with it though? Why were you always waiting for him instead of talking to him?” Jaewon asked after a moment. Jiwon was now performing _Up _with Mino. Such a contrast to his previous song, now all playful and aggressive on stage with his hyung performing with him again.

“Jiwon-hyung didn’t really seem like he’d fall in love with a guy, much less entertain the thought of it. He was painstakingly religious, he had strong beliefs, and grew up with traditional teachings to live by. I wasn’t even planning to tell him that I was gay, what more in telling him that I fell in love with him the moment he talked to me. It was such a distant thought, a seemingly impossible reality to have a romantic relationship with Jiwon. I’ve always forced myself to be contented with what we had then—friendship and brotherhood. That it should be enough,” he said without once leaving his eyes on Jiwon.

“So when you first listened to his songs, the first reaction was for you freaked out?”

Hanbin blinked, was silent for a long moment. So long that Jiwon was now performing with Donghyuk with _Secret._ “I think it was like a wakeup call. Hearing those songs, I could hear how genuine, how deep his feelings were for the person he wrote those songs for and I guess—I guess it fucked me up a bit, the thought of Jiwon in a relationship with someone. I saw that once and I almost lost myself with heartbreak while still pretending to be okay when I was with him and the members,” he stopped as he took another sip (seriously, this tasted god-awful), “I couldn’t go through that pain anymore. The thought of it scared me so much so that I did everything to avoid him because I thought it’d be better if Jiwon just wouldn’t confirm my thoughts that he was in a relationship with someone.”

They were silent for a while again. The lights dimmed a little more then, the crowds were hushed at the suddenly serious atmosphere that Jiwon exuded on stage where he stood; dressed simply in a hoodie and jeans, looking more like _Jiwon_ than _the Bobby._ There was a single spotlight and he could see Jiwon straining to find something in the crowd.

When Jiwon found his eyes, the elder raised a hand in signal and the song started, it was _In Love._ His favorite among all the others. Jaewon then lightly elbowed him and whispered, “And then it turned out to be you.”

_Oh you made my life complete, Oh yes you do._ Jiwon’s voice echoed and travelled amongst the awe-struck crowd.

He couldn’t stop the loving and dopey smile he let out as he smiled at Jiwon when the elder wouldn’t stop looking at him as if daring him to continue on looking stoic and unaffected but then broke into a grin as he sang when he saw that Hanbin was smiling endearingly at him, “Yeah, turned out it was me.”

A few knowing looks from his friends, the members, their managers, and Woohyuk were thrown at him and he blushed like mad from all the attention he suddenly had when he strived to blend within the walls just minutes ago. _Kim Jiwon, I’m seriously gonna kill you for this. With love. But still._

_I’m in love, yes, I’m in love with you._

Jiwon finished the song and the club erupted in cheers and holler, never mind that he could clearly make out who most of the hollers were from because really, he just wanted to climb in his bed and hide.

Jiwon looked so proud then, announcing he was in love and _shamelessly_ looked at him the entire song when there was a risk of being discovered or the executives being suspicious. But, the elder didn’t seem to care about work all that much then. Hanbin found himself being the same at that moment, even when he looked like bursting, bright red balloon. His heart was just so full.

So it was no surprise when the couple had _kindly_ kicked out the members from the downstairs apartment, except for Donghyuk who went with Jaewon to his apartment. Even when they knew that the members were fully aware of what they did and were about to do in Jiwon’s room, Hanbin still wanted a semblance of privacy.

“Jesus, we wouldn’t even care if you screamed at the top of your lungs in bed. We’re too intoxicated and tired for that,” Junhoe whined, but still made his way out.

“You and Jinhwan can have my room, it’ll give you an excuse to stay in one room,” Hanbin offered with a wink. Jiwon could only gape.

Junhoe bolted right then and there, pulling a too-drunk-to-actually-care-where-he’s-going Jinhwan.

“Thanks, hyung. Have fun. Bye, hyung.” Junhoe called out as they disappeared in the hallway.

Jiwon shook his head. “What the hell did all that mean?”

Hanbin heartily laughed while he pushed the elder back in to the room, “Nothing to worry your pretty little head for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short updates comin thru


	14. Meet the Parents (ish) Part 1

After Jiwon’s successful debut, despite Hanbin’s anxiousness of the outcome, the company had finally given them both a break. Well, okay, so maybe they gave _Jiwon_ a break, but it also constitutes Hanbin’s since he’d been with him for the entire duration of the preparation and promotion.

Now, they were sleeping in, which Hanbin reluctantly consented to. The younger was still half-asleep against Jiwon’s chest with him wrapping his arms and legs around the delicate body (maybe not that delicate, but it’s him, and everything about Hanbin was delicate for him, period) as the weather was slowly getting colder now.

“We should really get up now, I think it’s past nine already,” Hanbin mumbled, still with his eyes closed.

Jiwon softly chuckled at the contradicting words and acts. “Not even Jinhwan and Yunhyeong are screaming at the top of their lungs to wake us up. What excuses do you need other than that to sleep in?”

Hanbin hummed and burrowed in his chest, climbing up a little to sleep almost on top of Jiwon and buried his face on the elder’s neck.

A kitty. _A big, whiny, workaholic, sleepyhead kitty, _Jiwon’s mind supplied.

“I wanted to show you some new songs we’ve been working on. I think you’ll really like ‘em,” the younger slurred, pressing soft kisses on his neck making Jiwon wrap his hands tighter around his body.

“There is no doubt in my mind that I will definitely like them, but right now, I’m still loving where we’re currently at right now. I want to have you all to myself with no staff, meetings, shoots, performances, producers, and members lurking around. We haven’t done this in _weeks_. C’mon.”

He could feel Hanbin snorting and laughter racking up in his body, “Wow, even in bed you still rap.”

Jiwon grabbed the younger’s snarky face up to his, making him go blind momentarily, questioning how he could’ve lived without that smile beaming up at him before like this. Sure they had slept together—as friends. Somehow, this was different. More intimate. Only he could see Hanbin like this, naked and smiling against him like he there was nowhere he’d rather be than here, with him.

He’s in so deep. He had it so bad for Hanbin. Really bad.

“Babe, you’re spacing out again,” Hanbin said while poking his cheeks lightly, making him snap out of his corny thoughts.

“Sorry, I just had my daily routine of falling in love with you all over again,” he said in a straight face.

Hanbin jabbed at his side, “Reserve those for your lyrics, hotshot.”

“Yeah, but they’re still for you.”

Hanbin covered his ears like a child, making Jiwon laugh, “Hyung, it’s too early in the morning for your sappy monologues. Stooop,”

Jiwon gave him a pointed look, “D’you really want me to stop?”

The younger frowned and looked anywhere but at Jiwon and said softly yet petulantly, “No.”

He dragged Hanbin’s face again, this time all the way, making him crash his lips to the younger. Hanbin responded without hesitation, like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. And Jiwon was over the moon for it. The kiss was tender, slow, and soft. It was so perfect that Jiwon wanted more and more. He slowly rolled them over, leaving Hanbin pliant beneath him now.

For a second, he broke the kiss and said against the younger’s lips, their foreheads attached, “I really love you, you know that?”

For all of Hanbin’s snark and snappy confidence, the younger could really curl up into a ball and flush as red as it can be whenever Jiwon corners him with sincere declarations of love. He might say they’re sappy as hell but Jiwon sees the way Hanbin goes all soft and crazy for them, even at the expense of getting hit by the younger.

But, in the privacy of their rooms or studios, Hanbin would always respond with utmost love in his eyes, “And I really, really love you, too.”

With one arm braced on the younger’s side, he used his other hand to hold onto Hanbin’s neck and bring his face up to him for a kiss. Jiwon thinks he could never get enough of anything involving Hanbin. It should be scary, he’s never been this serious before in a relationship, and he had a lot at stake here. Their hearts being the first in line.

But, it’s hard worrying about heavy stuff when he had Hanbin in his arms like this.

“You’re thinking too loud again,” Hanbin said softly, his hand caressing Jiwon’s face. “Honestly, you’ve been doing that a lot and it’s worrying, seeing as how this never happened before.”

“What?”

“I meant you. Thinking.”

Jiwon tickled mercilessly tickled Hanbin’s side, “Yah!” Hanbin was squirming and spasming beneath him, defenceless and caged.

But he couldn’t continue with his tirade as his phone was ringing. He groaned at the reminder that the outside world existed. He let his head fall on Hanbin’s shoulders, refusing to pay anyone to mind.

“Go on, Mr Grumpy, it could be really important,” Hanbin coaxed.

“No,” he whined, “this is more important. I know that the second I answer that, you’ll make it as an excuse to leave bed.”

“Please.”

Jiwon had no one to blame for Hanbin having too much power him so instead, he kissed him for the last time before rolling on his back again, blindly patting beneath his pillow for his less-than-subtly ringing phone.

_Oh shit._ He gulped. It was his Mom.

He answered immediately with Hanbin settling on top of him again, peering up at him expectantly, “Hey, Eomma.”

Hanbin’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of his mom.

_“Jiwon, why’d it take you so long to answer your phone?” _His mom asked, clearly worried.

“I was just… busy with something.”

Hanbin smirked at that but he ignored it.

_“That’s odd. I just had a talk with your manager, he said you haven’t gotten out of bed yet.”_ Jiwon visibly gulped again. _“But, nevermind that, I heard you’re having a clear schedule for the next three days.”_

“Mm-Hmm,”

_“Well, maybe you could come by at home for dinner. I’ll cook you your favorite foods.”_

Jiwon smiled, “Yeah, Eomma, I would really love that.”

_“That’s great. Maybe bring Hanbin with you, too. I missed my other son,”_

He rolled his eyes at his mom gushing over someone other than him as his son. Really, favouritism. “He’s actually here, Mom. Why don’t you invite him,” Jiwon said and he almost choked out a laugh at the immediate widening of said other son’s eyes.

_“Oh, really?! Give him the phone,”_ Jiwon rolled his eyes again at his Mom’s enthusiasm.

Before Hanbin could protest, he turned on the speaker phone.

“Mrs— Eo-Eommoni,” Hanbin spat out reluctantly, visibly shy and flushing red again. There were more than a few light scolding in the past by Jiwon’s mon insisting Hanbin to call her his Mom, too.

_“Hanbin-ah! I missed you.”_

“I really missed you, too, Eommoni.”

_“So come by the house for dinner, too, okay? I know how hard you’ve been working and helping Jiwon with his solo. Let me cook you your favourite foods, yes?”_

Jiwon grunted indignantly, “I thought you were gonna cook _my_ favorite foods?”

_“Oh, hush. Hanbin-ah, see you later, okay?”_

Hanbin didn’t even have the chance to accept or decline but really, no one can resist Jiwon’s mother. “Yes, Eommoni. Please take care, and send my regards to abeoji.”

_“Of course, of course.” _She said indulgently and said her farewells.

Hanbin laughed at Jiwon’s face. “Your Mom loves me more.”

“Yeah, well, your Dad likes my music more,” he declared like a child.

“Sure,” he indulges and pinched Jiwon’s puffing cheeks, “let’s go with that.”

After an ‘eco-friendly’ shower, but really, Hanbin was sure that it was just Jiwon’s excuse to shower together—but he was not about to against that—Everyone, along with Jaewon who stuck out like a sore thumb with his confused facial expression, was lazily gathered in downstairs apartment’s living room, watching something and bickering over it.

“You guys are scaring Jaewon,” he said, laughing at how everyone stopped bickering as they remembered that Jaewon was there.

Donghyuk also chuckled seeing Jaewon’s embarrassed face, “Don’t worry. This is as normal as it can be here.”

Jaewon nodded slowly, “Right. Normal,”

Hanbin left them as he dragged Jiwon along with him to the kitchen for something to eat. There were pancakes with blueberries and whipped cream, his eyes were sparkling gazing at the plate.

Both of the rappers ate heartily and soon joined the group. Jiwon sat on the floor, sprawled his legs out and steadied himself with his arms. Hanbin immediately sat in between Jiwon’s legs.

“Hey, why don’t we go out for dinner tonight? I don’t feel like cooking and it’s been a long time since we’ve had dinner together,” Yunhyeong spoke as everyone quieted down.

“We can’t, not tonight,” Jiwon announced as he was still lazily closing his eyes, leaning on the eder. The planned trip to his studio would have to wait until tomorrow, he mentally decided. He was too blissed out to go anywhere other than home where his brothers were.

“Why?” he heard Jinhwan ask, from where he didn’t even bother to open his eyes to know.

Jiwon sat up straighter now, making him slump forwards to which the elder immediately curled a hand over his forehead to press him back to lean on his shoulder and for him to settle in Hanbin’s neck. “My Mom wanted me to come home.”

“Is the sleepyhead going with you?”

The said sleepyhead hummed in ascent.

“Ohhh, so you guys are in the meet-the-parents stage. That was fast,” Chanwoo hollered. His eyes immediately shot up.

_Why were they making it seem like he was gonna be introduced as—_oh, crap. This was a bit awkward.

“Oh, shut up. They’ve known Hanbin since the beginning of time. Probably even look forward to having him more than me,” Jiwon grumbled, his hot breath fanning over Hanbin’s neck.

“And are you gonna tell them you guys are in—_ow,”_ Chanwoo was interrupted with what sounded like a well-deserved smack, probably from Yunhyeong.

“That’s none of your business, Jung Chanwoo,” Yunhyeong gritted out sternly as he could probably see Hanbin tensing from all this talk.

Now, Hanbin was dreading the dinner with Jiwon’s parents. In the past, heck even five minutes ago, he’d look forward to the warm dinner and interaction that would take place in Jiwon’s home. The eldest rapper’s family have always welcomed him with open arms, treating him like their own son. Hanbin didn’t want anything to spoil their image of him—their son’s best friend, pseudo-brother, and their pseudo-son. If they knew about their relationship, that Hanbin was gay and that their son was apparently gay, too and—

_Oh, God, what if they blame him for it?_ Hanbin knew it was a low blow to think lowly of Jiwon’s parents but his anxiety was screaming at him now. That although they were really nice and warm people, they were also deeply religious. They accepted and respected gays, sure. But, the _what ifs_ were running rampant in his mind, making him dizzy and he felt like he was gonna fall over to declare his surrender to these thoughts because he just couldn’t bear it.

He didn’t wanna be the cause for an issue between Jiwon and his parents. And if he did—

“You’re the one who’s thinking too loud now.”

His less than jolly thoughts were interrupted with Jiwon’s soft murmur against his cheek. He realized that the elder had his chin hooked over his shoulder now to see his face but only managed to peer at his side profile.

He shook his head lightly and turned a little to face Jiwon with a smile he hoped wouldn’t look too strained, “It’s nothing. I was just trying to understand the movie.”

Jiwon blinked up at him blankly and somewhat cautiously said while pointing to the television, “We’re not watching a movie. It’s _Running Man._”

_Fucking great._

“If it’s in the television, my lazy ass is gonna count that as a movie,” he countered, stupidly might he add.

“Mm-hm, whatever you say, baby,” Jiwon indulged but still looked unconvinced while running his hands up and down Hanbin’s abdomen.

At six in the evening, Yunhyeong was fussing over Hanbin in his room at the upstairs apartment.

“Hyung, chill, I’m going to Jiwon’s house for dinner, not at a banquet held in the Blue House,” he chastised softly on the frantic elder scouring his closet.

“Yeah, but you can’t show up there in a hoodie and jeans.”

“Why the hell not?” he asked, letting his body fall on his bed.

“Just ‘cause,” Yunhyeong lamely reasoned out.

He rolled his eyes, fully confident to do so as the second eldest wasn’t paying any attention to him. “Oh, God, please don’t tell me it’s because you think we’re gonna open up our relationship to Jiwon’s parents.”

Yunhyeong whirled around, finally facing the younger, “Aren’t you?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t really know. Mrs Kim just asked Jiwon to come home since we’re given three days off and asked me to come along,” he mumbled, seriously gazing up at his ceiling.

“So, you guys are not gonna tell them?”

Hanbin sighed. His mind was gonna explode from worry anyway, might as well confide in Yunhyeong, he always knew what to do. “I don’t know but I honestly don’t want them to know just yet.”

“Why?” Yunhyeong softly asked, now sitting beside where he laid, still not meeting his hyung’s eyes.

“’Cause I’m scared,” he confessed.

“Of what, Hanbin?” Yunhyeong asked, sitting down on his bed to peer at him looking concerned.

“That they won’t be happy to have me as the person their son is in a relationship with.”

“Now why would you think that?” Yunhyeong was softly carding through his hair affectionately. It’s what Moms do best, he thinks.

“Well, I don’t think I’m exactly the ideal type, much less gender, Jiwon’s family would expect and readily accept.”

An exasperated sigh came from the doorway, “Hanbin, you’re perfect. Anyone’s parents would love to have you as their child’s boyfriend.”

Both his and Yunhyeong’s head snapped at the interruption.

Hanbin groaned then, covering his eyes with his arms. “I thought you were getting ready.”

“I was. You know it takes me, like, ten minutes to prepare. For anything.” He could hear Jiwon approaching him now, his bed dipping at the other side where the eldest rapper settled, “You, however, are taking longer than usual. ‘Cause if I take ten minutes to prepare, you’d take nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds to prepare.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes even when they were closed, “Yunhyeong-hyung was being annoying.”

He heard Yunhyeong scoff and stand up, “Excuse you, I was tryna help but seeing as how I am underappreciated here, I’m off now.” Then came the indignant footsteps leading out of his room.

“Baby?” Jiwon softly coaxed him to get rid of his arms from his eyes. He hooked a finger to make Hanbin look up to him, “How about we cancel tonight? I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind.”

His eyes bulged and he immediately sat up, “No, no, no. She’d be really sad, and she really missed you. It’s been too long since you’ve seen her and I kinda miss her, too.”

Jiwon held his face gently, “D’you want me to tell them or should we save it for another day?”

“I… I don’t know. Let’s just play it by ear and if the night goes well maybe we can tell them but no pressure, yeah?”

Jiwon’s face softened, looking so patient and sympathetic. The elder looked like he had more to say but held his tongue in favour of choosing Hanbin’s outfit so he could sit back and relax for a bit.

He got dressed silently while Jiwon talked to the manager about their plans. Jaeho offered to have a car take them to Jiwon’s parents but Jiwon insisted they take a cab and promised to keep a low-profile when outside.

“Baby? You ready?” Jiwon peeked inside his room again right when he was slipping on his face mask.

“Yep, let’s go.”

Jiwon smiled and took his hand as they went outside, Chanwoo bid his goodbye while grabbing some drinks in the kitchen.

They got in a car as Jiwon had arranged an Uber, as they went on their way. During the ride, they kept as silent as possible, not wanting to risk it, but they did stay close to one another.

It didn’t take that long to arrive at Jiwon’s house but they made the car stop a few blocks away from it, just to make sure.

“Why do I feel like she’s more excited to see you than me?” Jiwon whispered, walking up to their house.

“Don’t be such a baby, hyung. That’s what I bring into this relationship and you can’t take it away from me.”

“But you do take care of me a lot.”

“You spoil me a lot. And you literally call me baby every chance you get.”

Jiwon huffed out a laugh, “I suppose you’re right.”

Their conversation died down as Jiwon pressed the doorbell, to which Jiwon’s father opened the door with a warm smile, hugging them both as they came in.

“Wait by the living room, your mom’s just putting together our dinner,” Mr Kim said and left them to go to his wife.

They both sat down on the couch, watching what Mr Kim had put on. It was some American old, action movie. Jiwon immediately recognized it and told him about it.

To be honest, he couldn’t care squat about the movie but he loved hearing the rumble and gruff of Jiwon’s voice every time he’s immersed in talking about something that Hanbin listened to it wholeheartedly.

After a few minutes, however, Jiwon’s storytelling was cut off by Mrs Kim’s squeal and hugs and kisses.

Jiwon whined, “Eommaaa,”

“What? I missed my baby,” she gushed and pinched Jiwon’s cheeks. “And I really missed you, Hanbin-ah!” she left Jiwon to gush over him now, hugging him so warmly. “You’ve lost some weight, too,” she stated, concern etched on her face.

“I’m fine, Eommoni,” Mrs Kim just cooed at him and turned to face Jiwon disapprovingly, “You should’ve made sure your leader ate properly.”

“Hey, I do try to get him to eat more but he won’t listen to me,” Jiwon pouted, making them both laugh at his childish protests.

“Alright, alright. Why don’t we continue this in the dining table while we eat?” Mr Kim suggested.

They all made their way to the dining table—Hanbin talking with Mrs Kim and Jiwon with his Dad. As always, Mrs Kim prepares a sumptuous dinner which they all ate heartily in gratitude.

Conversations were made here and there but as always, they refrained from talking about work that much, so they talked about their families and what the members were up to.

“I actually have some news about, Donghyuk,” Jiwon lightly teased with wiggling eyebrows.

Mrs Kim always found Donghyuk _absolutely_ adorable and would stuff endless amount of food on his cheeks when Jiwon’s parents visit them.

“Oh? What’s he up to these days?” Mrs Kim asked, as she put some more food into Hanbin bowl of rice, he smiled in gratitude at her.

“He’s in a relationship.”

“Really?!” Mrs Kim squealed in delight at the news. “Who is it?”

“It’s actually a friend of mine, a producer. His name’s Jaewon,” He said almost softly, gauging how Jiwon’s parents would react at Donghyuk dating a guy. He slightly felt guilty for using the younger as their tester.

Mrs Kim’s eyes glowed in glee, didn’t even flinch at the mention of another guy in the relationship, “Aw, has it been long already? Is it serious?”

Hanbin smiled, a little relieved, “Yeah, they’re pretty serious. Jaewon’s a good guy and adores Donghyuk who is absolutely smitten.”

“That’s just great! Oh, Jiwon, when will you have a serious relationship with someone?”

Jiwon, who was shoving more food on his cheeks immediately choked, his eyes watering as he reached for his glass of water.

Mrs Kim rolled her eyes at Jiwon, “I know that company of yours forbids it but, really, don’t you young people always have a way with such things?” she shook her head in mock disappointment at the still coughing Jiwon and turned her attention back to Hanbin whose eyes turned to saucers, “And, you, Hanbin, stop drowning yourself with work. One would think you’re already married to your studio. You’d grow old alone if you continue being like that.”

He smiled awkwardly and thought, _I’m actually currently debating with myself if you’d prefer I’d die alone or if I have your son as my boyfriend._ But, he never said it, instead he said, “Well, I do love my studio and never see it as work so…” he laughed, again, awkwardly.

“Honestly, when I heard Jiwon’s songs,” she started, now turning to face his son again who stopped eating to brace himself, “My, I thought he really was in a relationship.”

Hanbin had to fight back a laugh at Jiwon’s conflicted face. But he was beyond shocked when the elder had said, “Who told you to think otherwise?”

Jiwon’s parents gaped at him, his Mom breaking the silence, “Well, are you? In a relationship, I mean.”

“I’m not gonna confirm or deny that just yet, but just know that those songs really were for someone,” Jiwon stated as if in confidence. Hanbin and Mr Kim looked back and forth to the mother and son.

“Kim Jiwon, are you keeping secrets from your own mother?” Mrs Kim gasped.

“Not because I want to, I just want the person involved to be okay with being open. We’ve just started our relationship, and I wouldn’t want that person to be pressured.”

Jiwon’s Mom narrowed her eyes at Jiwon who made the mistake of glancing at Hanbin for, like, a nanosecond.

Mrs Kim seemed to have come to a conclusion at the silence and smiled knowingly a little, “Finish your food, then.”

Both boys gulped and hesitated before continuing with their meal. Mr Kim looked lost, but shrugged and ate his food to indulge his wife.

When they finished, Hanbin offered Mrs Kim to help her clean up in the table and sink. He’d always loved spending more time with her but now, Hanbin was apprehensive and nervous as he set out to place the plates and bowls from the table to the sink.

Mrs Kim, however, seemed to have taken pity on him and they stayed in relative quiet as he helped her with the dishes, talking about his parents and little sister, Hanbyul.

“I’m planning on visiting them tomorrow for dinner, too. To surprise them. I’ve been too busy and I really missed Hanbyul,” he replied to Mrs Kim’s inquiry of his family.

“That’s wonderful,” she gave him a warm smile and went back to passing him the plates to dry. “Is Jiwon gonna go with you?”

Hanbin gulped at the mention of her son, “Most likely. Dad enjoys talking with him while I give all my attention to Hanbyul. Mom likes spoiling him as much as you spoil me, too,” he says cheekily.

Mrs Kim chuckled softly, “I’m really glad about that. It’s good having you both spoiled after working too hard at such a young age. You boys don’t get to do what normal young adults do, so I think we, as your parents, gives you extra attention and more love whenever we can.”

He smiled, letting go of all the tension and nervousness in his body, “It’s all that we really need to work harder.”

They finished the dishes and went to the living room where Jiwon and his father were watching something. Another old movie, Hanbin noticed.

“Why don’t you boys stay the night? You can head back early in the morning, yeah?” Mr Kim suggested.

Jiwon glanced at him and he just nodded softly with a small smile, the elder immediately grinned. “Sure, we’ll head up and change to something more comfy and come back for the movie.”

“Go ahead.”

Both of them made their way to Jiwon’s room. It was sparse in terms of decoration and furniture. There was a bed, a closet full of extra clothes, and a lamp light by the bedside table. The only decoration were pictures of Jiwon performing, iKON, and of Hanbin and Jiwon. He smiled at the sight.

“Here,” Jiwon handed him a shirt and sweatpants to change with.

Right after they changed, both of them went back to the living room where Jiwon’s parents were watching some movie on two single couches so the two occupied the couch with a reasonable distance between them

Again, the movie was in American and Hanbin was too tired to understand any of it. Soon, the voices turned to quiet buzzes as he dozed off.

Jiwon noticed Hanbin with his legs propped up and hugged against his chest, his head leaning on the couch as he slept. He smiled and carefully untangled the younger’s arms and coaxed Hanbin to lie on his thighs.

He carded his fingers through Hanbin’s hair making the younger curl up and shove his face on Jiwon’s stomach.

“I can see why your face is brighter today,” he heard his mother say.

Jiwon hummed in question, not tearing his gaze on the sleeping Hanbin.

“C’mon, Jiwon. I sensed it the moments we sat down for dinner. There seemed to be a more relaxed and brighter atmosphere with you two that’s somehow different from before. You looked… happier. Content.”

“Maybe I am,” he softly replied, suddenly feeling the need to be quiet so as to not wake the younger up who’d most likely be flustered with the topic of conversation.

“I’m happy about that. Right from the very beginning, I could see the strong bond you’ve formed. I saw you with other relationships before but you never looked this calm and happy.”

Jiwon finally looked up to his parents’ fond face directed at them, “Why did everybody notice that I loved him a long time ago when I didn’t even have a clue?”

“You do tend to be stupid sometimes,” his father quipped.

He rolled his eyes, but sighed after a moment, “Hanbin was really nervous about coming tonight. The members were teasing about him _meeting the parents_ and was a bit scared of how you’ll react. Took some time to reassure him.”

“That’s understandable. He’s a sensitive person and I see how he gets cautious of other people’s opinion but, really, we’re happy as long as you’re happy and you aren’t hurting anyone in the process,” his father calmly stated.

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll make sure to let him understand that thoroughly.”

“I’d expect more dinner from now on, then?” his mother hopefully asked.

He smiled and glanced back down at Hanbin’s sleeping face, “Yeah, I think we’d come more often.”

When Jiwon’s parents retired for the night and bid goodnight, he carefully manoeuvred Hanbin to a position wherein he could carry him to his bedroom. But, although he was successful at carrying the younger, Hanbin immediately stretched and blinked his eyes blearily when he was placed in bed.

Hanbin yawned and blinked some more before he said, “H-Hyung…?”

He crawled beside Hanbin and gathered the younger to his arms, “Yeah, baby. I’m right here.”

“M’sorry I—,” another yawn, “Sorry I slept.”

He chuckled and kissed the top of Hanbin’s head, “It’s okay.”

Hanbin hummed and he took it as the time to end the conversation.

“’Night, Bin. Love you,” he whispered and dropped another kiss, holding Hanbin a bit tighter.

Right when he thought the younger wouldn’t respond and was asleep, Hanbin slurred with his hands crawling up to clutch on Jiwon’s shirt right by his chest and nuzzled his face there, “Love you, too, Hyung. ‘Night.”

Jiwon slept peacefully that night, the most peaceful sleep in his life knowing his parents loved and supported him, and knowing that Hanbin was right by his side—specifically, tucked against his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't even blame you guys if you thought this was boring. Sorry :<


	15. Meet the Parents (ish) Part 2

“Someone’s antsy,” he quipped as he finally swivelled his chair to face the anxious-looking Jiwon beside him.

Both rappers were holed up in Hanbin’s studio, working on the tracks that were candidates to be presented for their comeback album. They’d spent the late morning from Jiwon’s house to the apartment and then to the studio in a relaxed and usual manner—which mostly consisted of teasing and provoking each other when they thought they were alone.

Everything was all fine and dandy until it just wasn’t. A few minutes ago, he noticed Jiwon starting to drum his finger on the table, and then tapping his foot on the floor, and now he was biting on his neatly trimmed fingernails, ruining it effectively.

Jiwon glanced at him when he noticed that he had stopped working and was now looking at him. “Uh, what?” he asked, seemed to haven’t heard his comment.

“Hyung, what is it? What’s bothering you?” he softly asked, reaching out to place his hands on the elder’s knees and squeezed them.

“Nothing, Bin. Just randomly zoned out,” Jiwon tried to offer him a smile, but there was a nervous glint left on his eyes.

He rolled his eyes, “Are you really gonna lie to me? _Me_, of all people?” he deadpanned, immediately snapping the elder to attention. Hanbin couldn’t lie, yeah, but Jiwon could with other people, at least. With Hanbin? Jiwon always caved and confessed later on, even before they had a relationship.

Jiwon shook his head in surrender, “You’re right. Why did I even try?” he muttered, more to himself than Hanbin.

“Okay, so tell me.”

“Well, you see…” Jiwon trailed off for a moment, rubbing his nape in hesitation before continuing, “Remember how you were nervous with dinner at home?”

His eyebrows immediately creased and now he was worried, “Why? D-Did they… _say_ something?”

And again, Jiwon shook his head and placed a hand on his cheek and caressed it softly, “No, not that. They were really happy for us. It’s just…”

He narrowed his eyes at Jiwon, already suspecting what was going on, “Are you nervous about meeting _my_ parents?”

Jiwon opened his mouth to speak, blinked, closed his mouth, and then opened it again, “W-Well,” Jiwon rubbed his nape again, “I…” a sigh and then, “Yeah.”

He chuckled at Jiwon’s face which shocked and confused the elder, “Hyung, my parents have long since known about my sexual orientation and have always thought we were a couple. When I told them no, they said we’d make a cute couple. There’s no doubt in my mind that they’ll be extremely happy at the fact that I finally have a boyfriend, all the more when they know it’s you.”

Jiwon’s eyes turned to saucers then, “Th-They do…?”

He nodded reassuringly. Jiwon still looked doubtful so Hanbin glanced if the door was locked and when he confirmed that it was, he slowly crawled up to the elder’s lap. Jiwon sighed contentedly at the weight of him and immediately hugged the younger, the elder burying his face on Hanbin’s neck and placed a fleeting kiss there. He smiled at the response and dropped a kiss on the mop of hair, too.

“They do. And I know Hanbyul really adores you, too.”

Jiwon looked up then with a bright smile, his eyes disappearing and forming into half-moons, “That I know.”

He rolled his eyes fondly. “Better now?”

“Yep,” the elder nodded with his bunny smile on full display.

“Good,” he said and peppered Jiwon’s face with loud, childish kisses.

Jiwon laughed and whined, “Kiss me properly,” with a few tugs on his shirt.

He laughed before dipping his head down to meet his lips. Jiwon sighed contentedly and one of his hands settled on his nape as if caging him so he wouldn’t stop the kiss or go anywhere else. Hanbin was very much okay with that.

But soon the hand that was on his hips were in his nape now and Jiwon softly tugged on his hair to tip it up, he immediately bared his neck in acknowledgement. Jiwon gradually kissed from his lips, his cheeks, his jaw, nipping at his ear and leaving a bite that elicited a shocked yet delighted moan, and then made its way down to his neck.

“Don’t you dare leave a mark,” he warned with a squeeze on Jiwon’s shoulders to make sure he listened.

“Just a little,” Jiwon teased but before he could stop him, the little shit was already sucking on his collarbone, hooking one finger on his collar to put one where he could hide it.

Hanbin groaned, both in pleasure and fond exasperation, “I really hate you.”

Jiwon hummed, unconvinced and satisfied with his little handiwork, leaving a kiss before covering it up with his collar again.

“Hanbin! Jiwon!” his Mom immediately squealed when the door was finally opened.

“Eomma!” he returned her squeal and was rewarded with a kiss and hug, he hugged her with one hand, the other one not letting go of Jiwon’s even if the elder tugged on it a little, but immediately surrendered and squeezed his hand.

After a last squeeze, his Mom let him go to hug Jiwon, “Jiwon, darling, how are you?”

“I’m okay, Eommoni,” the elder shamelessly gushed, to which Hanbin rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t really fight back the smile forming on his lips.

His Mom glanced on their joined hands but didn’t comment on it, instead she failed to hide a grin as she ushered them inside.

“Your Dad’s on his way home from work now, I’m just gonna go finish up our dinner,” she said, already on her way to their kitchen.

“Where’s Byul?” he asked as there was no sign of her.

She turned around with a little frown, worry etched on her face as she told him, “Oh, she’s in her room. She was a little upset because she received a low score on her test today. She refused to talk to me and hid in there. Why don’t you go and cheer her up while I’m in the kitchen? She always listens to you.”

He nodded and they made their way to Hanbyul’s room. They opened it a little, the door creaking softly. When they peaked in, the room was dark and only a little light from the lamp beside her bed was clear to see.

“Hanbyul? Byul, where are you?” he softly asked as they slowly came inside the room.

“O-Oppa?” came a tentative, muffled voice beneath the duvet on her bed.

They looked at each other and made their way on her bed, sitting on both sides of the little lump in the bed where Hanbyul was.

“Hey, can you come out for a sec?”

A sniff and then, “Dun wanna.”

“Please?”

There was an inaudible mumbling but before he could ask her, she already flipped up her duvet that covered her face. Puffy eyes with tear tracks on her flushed cheeks and red nose greeted them.

“Oh! Barbie-oppa, you’re here,” she softly exclaimed, her voice a little hoarse as she glanced up at Jiwon who was grinning down at her. Hanbyul was the only one who could call him _Barbie_ without scowling.

“Uh-huh, so you better stop crying. Or else it’ll make your oppa sad and then if Hanbin is sad, it’ll make Barbie sad, too,” he said as wiped the remaining tears on her chubby cheeks.

“But why would _you_ be sad?” she asked, her head tilting to one side in confusion, “You’re not his brother.”

Jiwon smiled and winked before he sunk low to whisper in her ear conspiringly. Hanbin watched with amusement but didn’t say anything as Jiwon whispered on Hanbyul’s ear. Soon, the little girl smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling.

They finally parted and both of them sported huge grins as they looked up at him.

He raised an eyebrow at the two, “What were you two whispering about?”

Hanbyul giggled as she climbed up at him and laid her little head in his chest making him melt. He kissed the top of her head before she said, “Something that made me really happy.”

“Oh yeah? And what was it?” He narrowed his eyes at the smug look on Jiwon’s face, somehow suspicious of how he effortlessly made his little sister happy in a few seconds.

“Barbie-oppa said he’s your b-b-b… b-boyfriend now, so when you’re sad then he’s gonna be sad because that’s what happens when you love someone, right?” she said, struggling with the long word _‘boyfriend’._

Hanbin doubted that his little sister understood all that much of what a boyfriend really was but she knew love and sometimes, that innocent outlook was just what people really needed. So, he smiled then.

Hanbyul looked up at him now with an excited face, “I saw in a movie once that if a person has a b-b-boyfriend then they’ll get ma-married. Are you gonna get married? Is Barbie-oppa gonna be my real oppa, then? And will I be a flower girl again just like when we attended a wedding before? And, and, and will you have cute, little babies I can play with? And—“

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down, Byul,” he chastised softly as Hanbyul was getting too excited now. Her questions making him all flustered and red. Jiwon, on the other hand, was laughing his ass off. _Helpful fucktard._

Hanbyul pouted, “Why? Am I wrong? Won’t Barbie-oppa be my real oppa?” she asked, her bottom lip jutting out as she glanced on Jiwon making the elder immediately stop laughing to coo at her.

“No, no, no. Barbie-oppa will be your real oppa, you will be a flower girl, and maybe we’ll have little babies you can play with and take care of but not yet. A few years from now, yeah?” Jiwon tried to soothe her with promises of the future, but it was Hanbin who felt like the one being promised making him blush and fighting so hard to keep the smile he had that could split his face effectively.

Hanbyul immediately clapped, “Okay! I can wait!” she declared and suddenly jumped out of the bed, running out from his room. They were left there in confusion as they looked at each other. Squeals and shouts of glee were heard outside so they immediately followed Hanbyul out.

He immediately stopped in his tracks with his jaw dropping open when he registered what the noise was all about. Hanbyul was currently ranting on and on to their mom about _everything_ they’d talked about in her room with their Dad coming in, hearing the last bit of, “I’m _so_ happy that I have a new oppa!”

Their mom was laughing at this point when she saw the men’s faces; Jiwon horrified, Hanbin shocked, and their Dad confused. “Okay, baby, calm down,” she said to the jumping little girl.

She frowned but when she saw that their Dad was home, she jumped anew and ran to him who barely managed to catch her without falling.

“Appa, appa!”

“Yes, little angel?” his Dad asked, still in a daze as he picked her up and carried her by his hip.

“Barbie-oppa is Hanbin-oppa’s b-boyfriend now!” she managed to squeak out.

His Dad looked cornered and confused but after a while, a calm and small smile appeared on his face in understanding as he scanned the room for them—who was still rooted on their places. The man smiled at them knowingly and nodded, urging them to breathe and relax.

Hanbin let out a shuddering breath as he glanced behind him where Jiwon was. They locked eyes and when he smiled, the elder immediately relaxed and smiled at him, too.

“Okay, dinner time. Come on now,”

They made their way to the dining table where the table was set up for dinner. In contrast to the dinner with Jiwon’s family where the elder’s mom had served traditional Korean food, his Mom had served Fettuccine Alfredo, garden salad, slices of bread, cheese, and wine. As their family was fond of travelling, mainly for Hanbyul, they’d grown to love foreign dishes, especially Italian food.

The conversation was kept light and fun, more focusing on the little girl’s rants about her school, friends, and studies. When the conversation was led to the two boys, it was mostly about the members, if they were taking care of themselves, and if they were gonna have schedules abroad.

When dinner was done, Hanbyul announced that she will help with their mom with the dishes, clearly excited to be of help as it meant that she was a big girl now, entrusted with big girl work.

The men were left on the dining table finishing up the wine. But of course, Hanbin had to pace himself because he _never_ showed his family how he was when drunk.

After some time of talking, laughing, and playing with Hanbyul, it was then the little girl’s time for bed.

Hanbyul rubbed her eyes and yawned against Jiwon’s chest, “Can I have Hanbin-oppa and Appa tuck me in bed and read me a bedtime story.”

Both of the men agreed then. Hanbin scooped her up from Jiwon’s lap and carried her in bed, their Dad following at their footsteps.

Jiwon was now left with Hanbin’s mom in their living room. He’d be lying if he wasn’t a bit nervous of them being alone together.

However, before he could speak to break the silence, Mrs Kim had beat him to it.

“I’m really happy. About you two. That you’re the one he’s in a serious relationship with,” she said softly, smiling up at him.

He mirrored the smile and broke into a dopey grin, “Th-Thanks…”

“No, thank _you. _You’ve always took care of him and I’ll always be really thankful for that. He could be so hard-headed and prideful, building walls and shutting people out at times and it was always you who got through that side of him. You were a great hyung, I’ve no doubt in my mind that you’ll be equally a great boyfriend.”

He felt his dopey smile turn into a shy one as he dipped his head to bow in thanks. “I dunno about that but I’ll do my best to make him happy.”

“He looks happier now. Even happier than when you guys debuted. His smile then was of victory and relief, now it was of pure happiness without conditions, relaxed, and content. It’s infectious, really.”

“Well, then I’ll do my best to keep him that way. He’s done so much for me and I’d never do anything to disappoint you or make him lonely.”

She reached out to pat his cheek affectionately, “Thank you.”

A few hours later, they left his family’s apartment and went to meet with their friends who were out clubbing. Even when he was never really all that fond of clubbing, he was feeling too happy and clubbing seemed like a fun way to relax further.

He glanced at Jiwon when they got into the taxi. The elder was _vibrating _and looked like he was about to split his face in half with that smile that was still visible even when he covered his face with a mask.

He shook his head, also smiling the entire time.

When they arrived, they were at their usual table. Usual meaning _their_ usual as he’d been here, two, maybe three times apart from when they were here whenever there was party for every artist who have made a comeback, compared to their undoubtedly numerous visits here. Each of his visits here with them had resulted videos of him twerking.

As soon as their friends saw them holding hands, making their way to the table, every single one of the motherfuckers hollered even louder than the deafening music.

“How’d it go?” Jinhwan _screamed_, looking hammered but still conscious enough.

He glanced at the still-smiling-like-a-loon Jiwon to make him answer them because he sure as hell wasn’t gonna say anything just to be teased right after. The elder only shrugged at them, sporting a shit-eating grin as he tugged Hanbin to sit with him.

They immediately laughed at the smug look on Jiwon’s face.

“I can hear fucking wedding bells ringing!” Dusty called out, raising what looked like a tequila shot to which everyone followed suit, even Jiwon. _Traitor_. He was sure that what Dusty was hearing was whatever was being played on the club but the guys looked too drunk to be bothered.

He rolled his eyes at them. Some of the guys were on the dance floor after a series of shots, Donghyuk and Jaewon being the first. Jinhwan and Junhoe looked like they were in a deep conversation which he was sure to be a discussion of the younger’s latest poems and rambling about life in general, just like how he always was when he was drunk and Jinhwan always being the only one who tolerates him. Chanwoo and Raesung were laughing and drinking, no doubt talking about baseball, a shocking similarity both had aside from being the youngest in the group. And then there was Mino who had a handful of a sleeping Jinwoo.

“I love you,” Jiwon whispered right after they drank in unison. His voice deep in rumble, all husky and raspy, making him jump as a shiver ran down his spine. He could feel a hand snaking around his waist pulling him impossibly closer.

He immediately found his spot beneath Jiwon’s chin and tucked himself on the crevice of his neck. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was shorter for some reason but I didn't wanna overdo it and bore you guys. A few, maybe two or three more, chapters to go as I shower you guys with as much fluff and smut as I can.


	16. One and Only in the Making

Chapter 16: One and Only in the Making

To say that the not-so-new couple were happy and content was an understatement. Yunhyeong was very much happy and relieved that the two knuckleheads somehow found their way to each other and finally being together after causing more than a few headaches here and there.

Hanbin was finally easier to talk to with coming home earlier compared to how he was holed up in his studio before, with eating regularly, and with spending time with the members. Practices were a different story though but still. And Jiwon finally had something better to do other than drinking, sleeping, and being in his studio, too.

On the flip side though, the two would switch from sleeping downstairs or upstairs and to say that the two were… _physically and _sexually _active_, was also an understatement.

One time Jinhwan was so close in kicking the door down in Jiwon’s room when they came home from vocal practice and thought to prepare dinner for the members before they came home. They didn’t know that two of ‘em were already there, mainly because the rappers didn’t need much practice, and series of pounding on the wall, muffled groans and harsh grunting were heard. They thought someone was beating up another person in there or something so they quickly pounded on the door, demanding someone to open it and asking who it was.

_“Jinhwan-hyung, you’re home?”_

_The voice from the inside caused a sigh of relief, and then came the confusion. There was a muffled voice and he could hear Jiwon shushing him rather harshly._

_ “Jiwon?! Please don’t tell me you’re beating up someone inside your fucking room!” Jinhwan thundered. Yunhyeong could only stand there, frozen, and tried to make out the noise from the inside._

_ He could hear a soft yet menacing laugh from the inside followed by Jiwon’s voice, “Nah. At least not like what you think.”_

_ “Then what the fuck was that sound?”_

_ “I can’t really say right now,” Jiwon sounded like he was panting, talking through clenched or gritted teeth._

What the actual fuck was happening?

_Realization dawned on Yunhyeong and his knees almost buckled and had to take a side-step from the door._

_ “Jinhwan-hyung, let’s make dinner upstairs,” he whispered._

_ “B-But…”_

_ “Come on. I’ll explain there,”_

_ Worry and confusion could’ve clouded over the elder’s head making him oblivious to what may be happening inside the rapper’s room._

_ Jinhwan was about to protest but he had tugged the elder’s wrist and grabbed the groceries with his other hand._

The eldest was _a bit_ shaken up with the prospect of Jiwon and Hanbin being that… _rough._ Even scolded Jiwon when he saw marks on the youngest rappers wrist and cheeks, of what he could tell was from ropes. Hanbin calmed Jinhwan down effortlessly, as always, since he knew how to work his charms as the eldest was always soft for the leader. He reassured him in the most choking-on-water kind of way and showed Jiwon’s chest, arms, neck, and back with scratches and wounds that looked like came from nails due to its half-moon shapes.

They learned and accepted that it was their way of relieving stress or something along that thought but it came to a boiling point and they had to reprimand the two whenever they’d go at it again in the middle of the night, however they tried to contain the noise, it always reverberates along the thin walls. And so, they all kicked the two out.

_“Look, I love you two with all of my heart and damn soul, but Jesus fucking Christ, it’s two in the morning and your late-night shenanigans are causing me nightmares and sleep paralysis. If you wanna do fifty shades of fucking, do it in your goddamned studio or somewhere else, I dunno, but no more rough, loud sex here, you hear?” Jinhwan ranted to them one night._

Even Hanbin couldn’t charm his way through that so off they shamelessly went. Brats.

“Babe, you didn’t have to bring me here. It’s a waste of money,” he whined in a moderate voice considering they were still being led to the private dining area.

“Yeah, I don’t have to but I _want_ to,” Jiwon countered making him roll his eyes.

Don’t get him wrong, Hanbin _loved_ going out to dinner with his members, what more when it was Jiwon. Of course he’d felt loved and content with having the elder’s undivided attention all for himself. His needy ass was being pampered.

But what he had a problem with was when Jiwon would go to such lengths with reserving a table in a five-star restaurant, which would already cause at least a small dent on the elder’s money, but reserving a private dining area just for the two of them was beyond Hanbin. It was all too unnecessary and he felt a little weird about it.

He was never one who’d spend such unnecessary money on things, he’d rather give it to his Mom, buy for the guys with food they’ll all comfortably eat, or save it for his own house. He had everything he ever needed with fan gifts that came almost every day in big batches. Maybe even a little too much as fans tend to spend more for him than he’d actually spend for himself.

But he couldn’t really say the same for Jiwon. The guy had a mountain of collected shoes, a cave of clothes, and that’s after he bought his parents a house.

So, yeah, he felt a bit guilty being spent on this much.

“The food will be served in a few. May you enjoy your dinner,” the maître d’ smiled and nodded his farewell to the two before he made his way out discreetly, effectively leaving the couple.

“You ordered food already?”

Jiwon hummed, “Well, I do pride myself of knowing, dare I say, everything about you. Especially your food preference as you sometimes get bratty about it,” he said with a wink and it made the younger roll his eyes again.

“If you knew me, you’d know that I’d rather eat in a food stall than _this,_” he gestured the room with a wave of his hand.

“I do know that but with all the love I have for you, I have made the great decision of ignoring that.”

“That’s a lame excuse,” he deadpanned.

Jiwon took his left hand and ran his thumb through the knuckles, “Yeah, I admit to that. But if we leave now, it’d be a waste of money as I had already paid for it. You wouldn’t like that, would you?”

On occasions like this, he hated how Jiwon knew him so much to the core. Because he really hated wasting money.

He scowled at the grinning big spender in front of him, “Fine. But promise me you won’t do this again, okay? Not on me. It’s too much for me,” he chastised softly, sighing in defeat.

“It’s not too much if it’s for you, especially when it’s from me,” Jiwon said, looking too sincere and serious that Hanbin hesitated in bursting his bubble. They’d have to talk about this again and find a common ground of Jiwon doing things for him that he was more comfortable with.

Before Hanbin could say anything, a soft knock interrupted before two waiters came in with their dinner—a rather sumptuous one at that. There was soup he couldn’t even distinguish what it was made from but it tasted divine, fish that he actually recognized as seabass, grilled courgette, lemon and… was that hazelnut? Main dish was, like, freaking Wagyu rib eye. _Jesus Christ._

He relaxed a little on the spinach and shrimp salad and as the last course—fucking finally—came in, his heart swelled at the sight of the dessert. It was a medium-sized molten chocolate cake with raspberries on the side.

Jiwon grinned at the sight of Hanbin’s sparkling eyes as soon as he saw the cake. It was rather big but it was to be shared between them. _So maybe he loved having an excuse for any form of intimacy with Hanbin._

When the waiter exited the dining area, Hanbin positively beamed up at him. The main course was definitely the most expensive dish and yet the younger looked horrified as soon as he recognized the expensive lump of meat. But with this dessert, Hanbin couldn’t even fight back the smile.

This was what Jiwon had wanted when he made reservations for today. It’d been five months since they’ve started their relationship and he wanted to put a bit of effort. He then realized that they haven’t had a real, normal date due to busy schedules from Jiwon’s solo debut and Hanbin’s leader duties and by the time they’ve had free time, they spent most days in bed to laze about or rest, or the studio producing tracks for their new album.

It was almost Christmas and he doubted they’d spend it together, they’d probably go home to their families, and so would the other members. So, no, this wasn’t _too much_, as what Hanbin would undoubtedly think.

“I knew you’d love it,” he snickered, earning a glare but then the smile came back.

Hanbin smiled and crinkled his nose, a little too cutely for Jiwon’s weak heart, “Of course you did.”

They both dug in the delectable desert. As soon as the cake were in their mouth, Hanbin, forever the little tease, moaned dramatically and the sound went straight to his groin that he had to shift uncomfortably in his seat.

Hanbin noticed the movement, and of course, went on further. Hanbin leaned forward on his elbows and wiped the stray chocolate on the corner of his lips with his thumb and fucking licked it, his eyes provoking and sultry, and the corner of his lips slightly rising in a little smirk.

He narrowed his eyes at the younger in challenge, but Hanbin seemed like he was in his game tonight. On most days, the younger would flush and curl, but on rare occasions he’d beat Jiwon in his own game.

Jiwon gulped. It was never ideal to have this side of Hanbin when they’re in public. The guy could get really _dangerous._

They continued to eat the cake, and thank fuck Hanbin decided to tone down the moaning.

When he was sure that his boner had calmed down, he uncrossed his legs and let it relax underneath the table while continuing to eat. The sooner they finished, the sooner he could drag Hanbin on his studio and fuck him senseless. Then this would be the most ideal date ever.

A few seconds later, Jiwon felt something snake into his leg. His eyes flashed immediately to the younger who looked so innocent munching on the dessert and avoiding his eyes.

_So, this is how he wanted play? _Well, it does take two to tango.

For a moment, he let the younger caress and explore his legs underneath the table but as soon as it crept up, he clamped his knees trapping the foot. The younger immediately looked up from his intent gaze on the cake, a small gasp being let out.

“Don’t test me or I swear to God, I’m gonna bend you over this table and fuck you so hard that you’d need me to carry you outside while everyone inside this damn restaurant stare and wonder what happened.”

He could immediately feel the shiver that ran up Hanbin’s entire body and it only served to widen the grin on his face.

His eyes followed when there was a sudden movement from the younger—Hanbin gulping from his seat, lips parting, and his cheeks beautifully tinted with soft pink. Hanbin tried to pull his foot back but Jiwon only clamped harder on it with his thighs, cocking an eyebrow at the former, daring him to move again.

“Easily worked up, are we?” Hanbin taunted, finishing off the cake with a satisfied smirk.

Jiwon got up from his chair then, menacingly making his way around the table, and stopped when he was behind the younger who had stilled from his seat. He ran a hand down the other’s jaw from where he could see from the side, and hooked a finger on his chin tilt it up to meet his eyes. He slightly leaned down to level their eyes— one expectant yet slightly darting around his face, and another darkening and intense.

His eyes, however, had travelled down from the younger’s eyes, to his Roman god nose, to the full, plump, and parted lips, almost immediately his gaze latched upon the smudged chocolate on the side.

“You always did tend to make a mess when you claim the last bite of every food you feast on,” he said in a low voice.

“And?” Hanbin prompted.

With a knowing smile, he dipped lower to the younger’s mouth. He let his tongue swipe at the delectable-looking corner of Hanbin’s lips, effectively ridding the other of the messy bit. Hanbin shot back a full-on, blinding, absolutely heart throbbing smile as his hands made its way around his neck, pulling him back on his lips again, this time to press open-mouthed kisses.

“How ‘bout we get outta here already?”

Hanbin grinned, “’Bout time.”

He planted one last peck on the younger’s lips before he straightened up on his feet. Hanbin stood up now, too, looking eager to finally leaving and maybe finishing this at home or in the studio.

A hand had settled on the small of his back and Hanbin was itching to have it in his own hands, but he knew it’d be too much and would raise a few eyebrows their way so he held it in.

They were almost out the door when they—wait, no—they stopped when someone had called out Jiwon’s name.

“Bobby!” came a woman’s excited call.

“Hye-ri?” Jiwon tentatively answered as he felt the hand on his waist tightening and tensing.

_Someone’s nervous. _Now why would he be nervous?

“Wow, it’s been a long time! One, two years?” the woman, _Hye-ri,_ exclaimed.

Hanbin gave a, what he hoped for was a, subtle one-over. She looked like a model—probably is—with that unhealthy-looking figure, soft and white like paint skin, and delicately sculptured face. Too sculptured, he concluded. Or maybe he was a bit bitter (but let’s not go there).

“Y-Yeah, I think,” Jiwon replied with a nervous, sheepish-looking smile while rubbing his nape.

Hye-ri smiled then, too seductive—way to be subtle—to be considered _friendly._ Now, Hanbin was never the impulsive, jumping-to-conclusion, or paranoid type but he knew when _undercurrents_ were in the air. But, he didn’t act on it. Merely, staying silent and observing the pair.

“Gimme a call or something, yeah?” Hye-ri suggested knowingly, laying one stick of a hand on Jiwon’s arm which the latter adeptly evaded.

He couldn’t help the smirk that had crept in his face when the woman looked a little crestfallen with Jiwon’s response.

“Sorry. Been busy lately and will probably stay busy,” Jiwon said, tugging him closer as he slightly bowed on the woman before she could even get a word in as she finally noticed Hanbin’s presence and the arm Jiwon had on his waist. She locked eyes with Hanbin and he responded with a knowing smirk and a curt nod.

They continued to make their way out and got into the waiting car that Jaeho was driving.

“That was fucking risky, Ji,” Hanbin admonished when they’d settled in the car.

Jiwon chuckled sheepishly and pulled him in his arms, “Yeah, well. She was sniffing up an already marked territory.”

At the few chosen words Jiwon said, he couldn’t help the annoying tug on the corner of his lips. He raised an eyebrow at him, “And _you_ are _my_ marked territory?”

“You know it,” Jiwon purred, whispering in his ear, the elder’s lips ghosting at his sensitive earlobe making him squirm a little in his seat.

Right when Jiwon nipped at his ear, however, an amused yet scandalised clearing of throat shot through their blooming lust-filled bubble. “Uh, guys. While I am happy Hanbin isn’t writing depressing songs anymore, I do want you to remember that my life is sad and already full of you boys. Don’t rub it in my face that you’re in love and I’m not.”

Instead of the awkward and shocked reaction they initially had, after Jaeho finished his monologue, they both laughed.

“Sorry, man. Can you just take us to the company, please?” Jiwon asked, disgustingly feigning sweetness.

Jaeho mock-shivered, “Keep safe, children.”

“Yes, Dad,” they both responded playfully earning a glare from the manager.

When they arrived at the company building, it was well underway to midnight. The only people left were security guards and the zombies they had for producers.

Jaeho had left them after they were dropped off and they strode in together. Hanbin knew it looked weird arriving here at the middle of the night looking too made up in dress shirts and pants. But the ghost town of a corridor allowed them reprieve from curious eyes.

“My studio or yours?” Jiwon asked as they approached the corridor that led to two ways, one that led to his, the other led to Jiwon’s.

“Mine. I have something to show you,” he replied as he tugged on Jiwon’s arm.

He’d been half hard right from the dirty talk back at the restaurant, and the sneaky caresses and teasing in the car. If he didn’t have Jiwon’s dick in his ass by the minute, he’s gonna throw a fit.

They entered the dark studio and right when Hanbin was about to turn the lights on he was swiftly dragged in and pushed against the door, closing with a loud thud. Warm, plush lips meeting his, too soft considering what had just transpired. As bottom and masochistic as it sounds, Hanbin get really turned on whenever Jiwon threw him around like a rag doll. But Jiwon’s kisses that always followed were soft, coaxing him like he was the most precious thing in the world he had the chance to kiss.

Hanbin hoped it’d always be like this. They’d dated five months now and Jiwon still treated him like he was courting Hanbin, and the younger was all too pleased to be on the receving end of the constant pampering and random showers of affection.

But, now was hardly the time for sappy thoughts as his dick was currently straining on the tight dress pants he had on and needed to be tended to. He latched onto Jiwon, grabbing the elder’s hair to press closer to him. He was all sorts of hungry and horny, which is only made obvious by his desperate moans against the clash of lips and tongues.

“I thought you had something to show me?” Jiwon murmured against the kiss, his hands working deftly on the buttons of the younger’s shirt. The elder’s lips were slowly beginning its trail to his cheeks, jawline, and then to his neck. The occasional biting and then soothing with expert laps of that sinful tongue only served to make the younger moan and arch his back closer to Jiwon.

“Don’t know if you can tell but I’m a bit preoccupied right now,” He managed to get out in between biting his lip and keening at the hands and mouth that seemed to be everywhere on his body.

“I could just stop,” Jiwon teased, his hands on the last button of Hanbin’s shirt.

His head snapped down, peering down at Jiwon, “You will do no such thing,” he admonished, his hands tightening from where it gripped the elder’s back.

Jiwon grinned, “Fine.”

In a flurry of movements, he was positioned above a naked Jiwon in his swivel chair, also naked and pliant as Jiwon had his lube-covered hands fingering him. As much as Hanbin had a bit of a masochistic streak and wanted to go in raw without prepping, Jiwon was just too big for him—but he had zero complains on that area.

Jiwon was on his third finger and though they usually went up to four Hanbin was already desperate for something other than Jiwon’s fingers. Preferably, his dick.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, get inside me already,” he said through bated breath.

“Are you sure?” Jiwon asked although it was pretty evident that he really wanted to slam into him at that moment.

Hanbin keened, “Fuck with me,” the younger said, voice both rough and silky, arousing him even more. But there was a mischievous glint in those doe-like eyes and he knew something was up, so he played along.

Hanbin rose on his knees as he removed his fingers from his ass, and slowly sunk down to Jiwon’s length. To say that Hanbin was beautiful was never enough for him at moments like this. Hanbin was _ethereal_, utterly _bewitching,_ bottom lip caught between his teeth, eyes closed in pleasure, face covered in light sheen of sweat, and his neck tilted a little to the side always inviting in his eyes. The shadows on his face created by the one light he managed to turn on, made him all the more mesmerizing, his features made softer yet more defined.

He coaxed Hanbin down with kissing and sucking on his nipple, rolling and pinching the other, eliciting yet another moan.

“Fuck,” the younger cursed as he finally got Jiwon’s entire length in.

“That’s the goal here, baby.” The teasing only served to Hanbin retaliating on him with a roll of his hips making them both let out pleasure moans and grunts.

By morning, and by morning it meant almost noon, the members came up to Hanbin’s studio to have a listen on the tracks for their new album. Some were still on the works but majority were ready for presentation. Jiwon had heard some of them whenever he came by, which was always.

The members were seated on the couch, waiting for them to play the songs. Well, all of them except for Jinhwan who was lying down on the boys’ legs, his head perched on Junhoe’s as he scrolled through his phone. What a diva. Matthyung priveldges, indeed.

“I wanna hear Hanbin-hyung’s solo track first,” Chanwoo excitedly chirped in his seat. The youngest had always inquired Hanbin about having a solo for so long now. Their maknae-leader relationship have always been about wanting the other reach his full potential, a great influence to one another—including mischievousness and manipulative tendencies. It was always endearing to the members.

Hanbin looked hesitant, though. Jiwon could see it written all over his face. Maybe he was pressured, or nervous? He came to his side then where he was seated on the swivel chair facing his monitor. “Still not done yet with the solo?”

Hanbin shook his head, “It’s done, but, uh…”

“Then we wanna hear it. C’mon. We’ve been so excited to hear it. You wouldn’t even let me hear a snippet of it. I’m sure it’ll be really awesome,” Jiwon tried to convince.

“Please don’t say awesome,” Junhoe grimaced at the word, making them all laugh.

“Well, okay then.”

There was sudden shift in Hanbin’s aura that Jiwon immediately sensed. He wasn’t able to react though as the song began to play.

“It’s _One and Only,_” Hanbin merely said. A hint of teasing in his voice.

The song started immediately with Hanbin’s voice, a domineering series of _nanana_, an exasperated sigh followed with…

_Fuck with me._

He looked at the younger in horror but Hanbin was grinning at the monitor, purposefully evading his reaction.

This little shit.

-The End-


	17. Hi

Hey, so remember when I said I would proceed with the angst and the drop? Yeah, well, I couldn’t do it. It was gonna be about Hanbin’s departure and I’ve had at least three drafts that I’ve rewritten and then deleted these past few months that I've been gone. It was too heavy and triggering for my mental health that I never finished it. I didn’t want to have that kind of ending for this story because we’ve already went through that in real life. I was supposed to end it with that and then made a book two but for now, I wanna leave the story as it is and have my options open for making a book two of this when I feel like I can. I hope you guys won’t be too disappointed in me and still support me. I am working on an AU (because it’s easier to work on something that’s farthest from the reality) and am gonna post the first chapter of it after this or maybe tomorrow because it's like 1:20 AM where I'm from. Thank you for all the love and support you've given this story and sorry if I disappointed you and if I fell too short on your expectations.

update: I have a new a story and it’s “Iris”. I hope you support it as much as this fic ❤️


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